My faith and spirit crushed (m)

Avatar for corbranzachsmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
My faith and spirit crushed (m)
6
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 1:22pm

I don't even know where to start. Guess my name would be good since I am new to this board... I am Daughn, I am 39, I have 3 son's Corey - 21 - who is currently in Basic Training for the Air Force. Brandon - 18 - who will be leaving in August for College. and Zach who is 12. Corey and Brandon are from my first marriage, Zach is from my "current" marriage. I say "current" because we are in the process of a divorce. NOT a divorce I chose. I am sorry this will be a long-winded post... I need to get it out.
For those of you that read it, I thank you for your time and suggestions.

He lost his job, from a factory here and we had decided that he would go to school, (he is currently an electrician, wanted to do electronic)he started getting a little wild, running around with his younger friends from school, dyeing his hair, etc.
I went away for training for my new job (that I decided to work full time so he could go to school)and he went wild that week, at the end of the week, I really felt like something was "going on" and asked him whether he wanted to be part of the family and settle down, get some counseling, or leave. He said the classic "He just needed time away to "think"' 1 week later he filed for divorce. He has a girlfriend.

Since then everything in my life has basically gone crazy... I LOST my great job at because the divorce was causing "too much stress for everyone in the office, and I was unable to complete the trainings I was required to do" It is hard to have a job 1 week then find out your husband has been cheating and files for divorce. I have at times been completely distraught.
My youngest son Zach is handling it the worst, DH does not seem to care about ANYTHING but the new GF. He goes out of town every weekend to be with her (she has moved to keep from being subpoenaed by my lawyer, I live in a fault state.) So Zach is losing his dad, and both brothers all at once.

For now, DH has to pay all my bills, so I have a few months to get myself together.
So many years of marriage and family, and I feel like it was just thrown in the trash.

Anyway, after telling you the "meat" of the story... here is what I came here for:
I am a christian, but some would say an "eccentric" one. I believe there is no "right" denomination, I can have very liberal beliefs, I agree with spirits and some of the beliefs and ways of the Native Americans. I am very open to all religions, I believe many have truth and meaning and important doctrine for all human kind.

I feel now as if I am lost, my faith weak, I have bruised knees from praying for God to shadow me and take this pain, my heart is broken, I think my strong spirit as well. I have never experienced anything I have handled like this, not even my first divorce.
I am usually very strong, independent full of life and now I am a "shell" walking around every day. I read in one of the other posts about a book I believe called "Divine Discontent" and christian friends say maybe I am supposed to feel this way for God to work in my life the way He wants to. I feel numb. I have no comfort from God.

I am at a loss... any suggestions? Thank you, Daughn

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 1:41pm

Daughn, Welcome!


Ack!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 3:32pm

((((HUGS)))) Oh, I feel for you.

Shyla

  

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 4:18pm

((((Hugs)))) Daughn and welcome.

I can empathise with how you feel because although I am still with my dh he did have an affair almost 5 years ago and it which left me feeling exactly the pain, confusion and hurt you describe. It felt like it came totally out of the blue at the time though with hindsight there were signs things were going wrong. We had been planning a new start in a different part of the country and had given our jobs up ready for the move. Within 10 days of the new start falling through I found out about the affair so I was in a similar position, no job and as I saw it at that time a failed marriage. I had no idea where my life was going or how I was going to get there. The devastation was like nothing I had ever experienced before and is difficult to explain to anyone who hasn't been there.

The good thing is I did come through it and although I considered myself to be strong and independent before I consider myself to be more so now. I feel that I am now more of true spirit, being true to myself instead of always doing what others want. You will find strength you didn't know you had not only for you but also for your children. If you haven't found it already visit the Betrayed Spouse Support Group on this site and I know you will gets lots of support and encouragement right here also.

Keep posting and let us know how your are getting on. Expect good days and bad days and some days where you will mood will swing rapidly within a day or even an hour.

Blessings Carol

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 7:13pm
Dear Daughn,
beautiful name. I am a pop in person here. I can
understand what you are going thru. I've been thru a lot in my life.
You will get thru just like I have. We learn thru all of this, I don't know
why or venture to fully understand but the answers do come in time,
believe it or not.
I had a son who has a mental illness, I was a mess until a med. came
out that is magic for him. he is a miracle, college grad etc. When he got
sick my 2nd hubby and I became separated, we were renting a 16 room
victorian. I rented rooms to pay the rent. We did work it out in time.
After several good years he died, heart attack, here one minuite, gone the next.
my last man friend moved out after 2 years
of being Romeo and juliet. That was 3 years ago. Guess what? I got thru.
I became spiritual after my son got sick. i learned thru each experience,
I am meeting a new guy tomorrow. I am not in pain, I am very happy.
I have a new job with great money starting next week. I have a son your age.
The universe, God, spirit guides are always there, plus people who
are part of all this energy. be good to yourself, cry a lot, prioritize, take a sick break.
Your heart is broken, let him pay the bills and heal. All will come to you. Just grieve.
My last man friend had an affair, I was heart broken. I was so happy with him.
I see now that he is unable to commit and has an immaturity that was not good for me.
I trust. When I was in your stage, it felt like there was no sunshine
and the pain would never end. I promise you it will end and there will
again be laughter and love in your life. I agree with another post, get a good
therapist, your son can come for a visit if he wants to. Maybe your husband
will see some light and be a father to the kids. He needs the prayers, he is creating
karma. We all love you, I speak for everyone here, if I may. lots of love, Leila
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 7:57pm

You have been betrayed, and I can't think of anything more powerful to crush us emotionally.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-28-2005 - 8:05pm

Oh Sweetie... huge (((hugs)))!! I've been through a crisis of faith myself, and it's a lonely scary place to be. I ended up throwing out everything I'd always thought I believed in and starting over from scratch, deciding on my own what I really believed or didn't. It's taken me several years to work my way back to a sense of inner Peace, and I'm not even remotely the same person I was before. Well, let me correct that... I'm not the person I THOUGHT I was. :-)

God is still there for you. Listen with your heart. I truly believe Spirit talks to us through many, many avenues if we're only open to hearing the message. It could be the lyrics of a song, the plot of a novel, a quote from a movie, or a comment from a random stranger on the street. Suddenly, out of nowhere, something will touch you that gives you comfort or answers a question and you'll just KNOW.

I'm so sorry for everything you're going through. Don't give up though. We ARE all here for you, willing to listen, lend a shoulder, offer advice. Take this time for YOU. Don't be afraid to make some changes, take a different path. As Mother Superior in Sound of Music said, "When God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window."