spiritual connections to girl friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
spiritual connections to girl friends
16
Sat, 07-02-2005 - 8:12am
I read an article that women think men can disappear
but girlfriends are here forever and how betrayed we feel
when there are changes. It hit me that I feel like that.
I always feel a connection with women is spiritual, deep,
we talk about our feelings and about nothing endlessly
and love it. I have just accepted a relationship with a female
that I thought would never change. She met a man and
moved in with him, further away. I don't know why she doesn't
need to do girl talk and stay in touch as much, but that is life.
I found that article, it almost seems like a spiritual betrayal.
yet it is spiritual to move beyond and love the person for
their choices even if one feels left out. I started to think about
this re: women in my past. Isn't life about constant changes anyways?
There is almost nothing as special as the friend you can do
ouija boards with and special martini lunches etc. I guess life
is like course of miracles that says, there is no specialness,
We are all equal and the same. leila

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Sat, 07-02-2005 - 10:24am

Pretty interesting to think about!
I think that all my girlfriends, past and present hold very spiritual significances for me. Even the ones that betrayed or hurt me in the past, because they are who made me today.
It seems, looking back, that certain friends were there only for the times in my life when I was different than who I am today. That may be why some seem, at the moment to be the best friend I ever had, then, as we both changed, we both drifted apart.
Think about when you were 18 and you didn't think about consequences and just went out and partied with friends. I had my "party" friends then and we would hold each other when we were too drunk to get up or stand beside each other if a guy started hitting on one of us and we didn't feel the same way. They "had our backs". Of course, that only lasted until one of us would find a guy we really liked and wanted to spend more time with them then drinking and dancing until we puked.
Then, there were the friends that you grew up with. The one that seemed to know everything about you and you spent every amount of free time with. Then one day, you move away and your life changes and so does hers, but the memories are always there.
Even the mean friend, the one you thought was close to you, but talked behind your back when you weren't around, what did she do for you? Make you angry and lash out? Make you a stronger person because you felt you deserved more than that?
So, in a way, all of them were special and important to you in one way or another and, deep down you will always be important and special to them even if you don't feel it anymore.

Love and Light,
R-

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-02-2005 - 10:32am
I've always had sort of a hard time with this concept. It seems the friends I've felt closest too, the ones I sit and gossip with for hours or chit chat about nothing, have been guys. And I'm not referring to boyfriends, but genuine friends. It's the girlfriends that seem to come and go, that fit the stage of life I'm in then move on and drift apart. The friendships with the guys seem to be based on something deeper, who we are.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-02-2005 - 7:20pm
It is neat to think we will always be important to friends from our past.
I think you are right, people come and go. They are there when we are able
to grow and learn, the time comes when new people come in to meet our changes.
Sometimes I think friends are in the same place as I am but they leave, maybe
it isn't leave but a change and different from what I expect.
truely, guess we are not in the same place. My friend with the man now:
I always thought she was my best friend. Is there such a thing? putting
people in a category may be the problem. needs always change. I am getting to
the point that i am aware that people or souls come and go and I should not
expect anything. love what is there in each moment. I really did identify with the article,
it was not totally realistic but hit a nerve so to speak. Love, L
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-02-2005 - 7:30pm
Now, that is interesting too. when I was in my 30's I had
the feeling that women were jealous of me or would be
competition for my men. Very old thoughts.maybe insecurity.
I have learned the importance of women in my life. one
of my best friends, Jim, ( of 12 years)
can't talk of nothing like we do for as long as woman can do i:
weight, hair, thoughts, on and on like we women do.
he can take so much, but he really knows me and I love the weekly calls.
Tomorrow I am taking him out for his B'day and knot him a scarf.
i truely appreciate the friendship. I guess I am still a little guilty
about thinking that my best friend girl friends will always be there.
i am more accepting, esp after reading the article that it is not so
but i may react like it should be. maybe that is confusing my needs
with thiers. We all connect on the other side anyways, forever.
Love, Leila
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Sun, 07-03-2005 - 10:30am

Leila...I've had very close friendships with both men and women...but it's difficult when things change--one of you finds a partner and that's the end of those long talks, endless hours spent in chit chat...doing nothing in particular but enjoying each other's company. It almost feels like a betrayal when their attention is diverted, but it's not, it's just change.

Do I feel more a spiritual connection with men or women? Not sure...I don't know that I can choose a sex as far as friendship goes...I think most people have both male and female facets to their personality, though macho men would be loathe to admit this. I generally look for character traits that can be attributed to either sex: courage, sense of humor, broad-mindedness, honesty, kindess.

I have a very comfortable female friendship of many years once, but after many years, she decided to make a LOT of room in her life for another male friend (platonic...instead of us going on lunches, shopping, etc, suddenly, she was consumed with this new friendship. It hurt a lot, and it was difficult not to be jealous...our friendship changed of course, and we were never that close again. We are still friends but somehow, the entrance of a third party sucked all the fun/intimacy out of our little twosome. Funny, now she barely sees that guy too.

Being friends with men is more complicated for me, because attraction generally enters into the picture...but that's another post, LOL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 07-03-2005 - 12:03pm
When I was in high school, we had a gang of 13 girls.
There were always lots of girl friends. Now, many have
moved, are with men etc. I went on a meet friends kick,
men and women. I went to all the classes ie: Chinese medicine,
qui gong, anyone speaking on any subject I liked, even hip replacements.
I didn't make new friends, some people don't return phone calls etc.
So, I only do what I really want to do, no motive. When I count the people
who are connected to me, like relatives, people I work with, I guess it's
enough. Taking my friend, Jim out for his b'day tonight. That will be fun.
Things change, women friends have left for weird reasons, so it is meant to be.
I have changed my attitude and am taking life as it comes. Being open
to new people, friends and experiences. i do really hate to see the changes in friends
i've had for a long time, there is such history. when I am in my next relationship
I really hope I nurture my friendships. Men friends: I always had trouble
with my attraction to Jim, we have kept boundaries and we are better friends.
Gay men make the best friends. Then there are the see once in a while friends.
Good to have but not like the real sharing of the best friend stuff, but there is really
no such thing, we are all best friends in the spiritual sense. I am rambeling.
Love, leila
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Sun, 07-03-2005 - 1:42pm

I


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 07-03-2005 - 9:02pm
yes life is good.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Mon, 07-04-2005 - 6:22am

My best friend and I have been together for thirty years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Mon, 07-04-2005 - 3:28pm

I have about half a dozen close female friends who I share a lot with. Male friends tend to be significant others of these female friends or colleagues but I have never had a male friend who I would share things with the way I do women as the relationships have never deepened to that point probably because they are attached to my already friends so things could become complicated if both started to confide.

Carol

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