Forgiveness

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
Forgiveness
5
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 2:17am

I know a lot has been written on the subject, but I'd be very interested in hearing the 'everyday' voice.

Recently I have been faced with the decision to forgive or not to forgive. My best friend hurt me deeply and repeatedly, and when/if he contacts me again with an excuse I've already heard, I've decided that it is in my best interest not to listen. In other words, I know that what I need to do is close the door on that chapter of my life.

However, I don't know how I can turn a deaf ear to someone who makes a plea for my forgiveness. It seems wrong, but it also seems like I'm setting myself up for more heartache.

I'm curious to hear others' opinions on forgiveness...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: princessjaime
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 6:03am
You can forgive and not remain friends. If someone repeatedly
hurts you and you close it ( SELF LOVE) that's positive.
Forgiveness is in your heart. It is also forgiving yourself,
usually we have a part in things, even for choosing the
people we later have to forgive. I think forgiveness in some cases is
on going, just when we think we are at peace with a situation,
feelings crop up, with me it's my X man friend or disappeared girl friend.
So, then I have to remember I forgave and change my thoughts along
with a prayer. isn't it the purpose of life, to learn to love and forgive?
If there is another reason, clue me in. (:- ) love, leila
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2004
In reply to: princessjaime
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 7:32am

Forgive everyone their transgressions and you will be forgiven yours.
That is not saying you have to deal with them or remain friends. You can detach with love and go on with your life. People who are not as evolved as you are will hurt us if we let them. Forgive them and move on. Everyone is at their own level of understanding. Do not take anything personal.

Charliesap

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: princessjaime
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 1:53pm

Hi!


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
In reply to: princessjaime
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 3:01pm

I read an excellent book on forgiveness a couple of years ago when I was really struggling with the concept and what it meant etc and I really wish I could remember the full title of it and the author as I would love to read it again but I can't. I got it from the college library and tried again and again to locate it afterwards but never could. I think that spirit put it there for me at exactly the time I needed it as it was in the section where all my other books were and must have been put there by 'accident'. Anyway I'm digressing so I'll get back to what I wanted to say. It explained how forgiveness is not the same thing at all as forgetting, how forgiving doesn't mean saying that it was alright or condoning what the other person did. That forgiveness is a decision not an emotion (took me a long time to get my head around that one when I was hurting so much) and that sometimes you have to keep reminding yourself that you made the decision to forgive. Most important of all so far as I am concerned is that it explained that forgivness isn't about the other person it is about you. I have heard people say "I'll never forgive him/her for that so long as I live" and the book made me realise that holding on to whatever it is was holding on to the pain for the "victim" whereas the decision to forgive gave them freedom from the pain. Some people stay angry/hurt for a long time even for the rest of their lives holding on to something that creates negativity, ill health and unhappiness in their lives while the person they refuse to forgive gets on with thier lives. That seems like such a waste to me and having finally fogiven and moved on I'm so glad I did rather than choose to say with the pain. It didn't happen over night for me and took 3+ years but I kept working at it and finally I can say I got there :)

~Carol~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2004
In reply to: princessjaime
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 4:19pm

Thank you for asking this question! I agree with everyones' answers.


This is ironic you post this question today when this this very issue pains my DH every day. He has had issues forgiving his father and grandfather for things that happened to him 15+ years ago and he is always questioning how to forgive them so he can move on and be happy with what's in his life now.


This was a great post and I cannot wait to share everyones' answers with DH tonight. This will give him an unknown sense of peace he isn't aware he can have on this issue.


Awesome!!

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