feeling empty

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
feeling empty
20
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 10:03pm

Hello. I have been reading the posts here and I am so impressed with the advice and help everyone has to offer. Not sure what I am expecting, but hopefully I will find some kind words of encouragement.

I have been feeling so spiritually empty lately. The last 5 years have been pretty difficult. My marriage ended, my job was a nightmare and my father died. As each year passed, I kept thinking "this is the year that things will get better." And then another crisis would occur. Of course, I moved on from my marriage and found my legs in the single world, I changed jobs and continue to remember my father with only good thoughts. This past year, I thought I had found my soul mate, the man I was meant to be with for all time. He told me he felt the same. But after a year into the relationship he ended it very cruelly and abruptly. I don't understand why I cannot find peace and happiness. I am a good person. I work hard to raise good kids. I am a loyal friend. I forgive those who have not always been kind to me because I require the forgiveness for myself. With all the horrible things going on in this world, I am sure God has more on his mind than helping me heal my broken heart and finding the happiness I seek. But still my faith requires that I continue to ask His help. And I continue to feel abandoned. Are we all really just alone in this world, left to find our own way? Are there really soul mates or is it all just a myth?

I feel so sad and so empty. Thanks for reading this post.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-17-2005 - 12:38am
Oh Carol Honey... sounds like you've had more than your share lately. Huge (((hugs)))!! The only thing that comes readily to mind is to really focus on yourself, on what makes YOU happy. From there, everything just seems to fall into place. It takes time, and it's not a direct route. But eventually... it does seem to work. In the meantime, we're here for you. Hang out. Talk, vent, scream, cry... whatever you happen to need at the moment. We're here. :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2004
Wed, 08-17-2005 - 7:00am

Hi Carol,
yes, there are soul mates but not necessarily in the way that you mean. Some are man and woman, some are a child and mother, a teacher and student, two siblings of the same gender, you get the idea. If you want a man in your life, pray about it. If you want friends in your life, pray about that. Whatever you want, desire, pray about it and focus on it until you have it.
No one is ever alone. You may feel alone and lonely and we all have at some time or another but know that the real Carol is never ever alone.
You are going through a rut and reaching out which will help you grow. You'll learn more spiritually alone than you will tied to anybody. Most of spiritual learning comes through meditation and the fastest growth occurs at night, just like the trees and plants. You are an organism of God. There are reasons for this. Do whatever you have to right now to stir up feelings of love, give to another, help someone you know who is need. Your strength will be found in your charity. This will not last, these feelings of emptiness, you want to be able to look back at this 'hollow' time period, or what seems to be hollow, and thank it for the gift that it really is.
Hope I've been of some help. Get lots of rest, pray a prayer of thanksgiving, and quiet your mind, willing and allowing the love to come to you. It is when we are depressed and sad that God is the furthest from us. Do for others right now, that will be your saving grace.

Charliesap

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Wed, 08-17-2005 - 8:34am

Oh, baby-girl!


Another big hug sent your way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Wed, 08-17-2005 - 8:37am

Right on!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-17-2005 - 9:13am
Carol honey, you are supposed to feel this way with
your experiences. Loss is sad. To feel empty is knowing
that space is there to be filled up with something else
wonderful. I do not know why some of us have certain experiences
and others have totally different ones. I can identify with you,
I am grateful my lot was not going thru the halicaust.
13 years ago my 2nd hubby died, I loved my job, my supports
were there, the hospital closed, I then had breast cancer. It was really
the size of a dot and a lumpectomy took care of all. Sometimes
life events come all at once. I felt alone, I did have a strong
spiritual faith, I knew my husband finished his purpose here and that
I had more adventure. That didn't mean I didn't cry or feel empty.
since then I have had 2 long term relationships, the last one was a man
who told me everyday how much he loved me and that I was his soul mate.
We lived together, relationship was over 2 years. He moved out with stupid reasons.
he can't commit. 2 years later he was flirting with me while he had another girlfriend.
FINALLY, I have more peace. I am of the personality that thrives on living with a man,
cooking is my favorite, I like to dress up, have a flair for setting the table, flowers, make my
own salad dressings, bread. I am organic, healthy gourmet. So, I have to do it for myself.
That's OK. I have dinner parties with friends, neighbors, I can feed others. I have to deal with
what I have and to love it. My kitytens help a lot. The house is full of energy and I
adore them.
Nothing lasts forever, you could find the perfect man and the next year he is paralyzed.
It is all a cycle. Life made up of many phases The pain will end, it all takes time.
I used to hate that word. Do all you can for yourself, pray a lot, be with supportive people.
Sometimes it is a good break to be alone, we don't have to deal with someone else's stuff.
Life is about change, keep your attitude good, there will be so much adventure for you.
Maybe years from now we will see the reasons, maybe when we are on the other side.
sometimes things happen to us for other people's growth and it is not about us.
lots of hugs, your life is never alone, with friends, God, spirit guides, angels. Your
room is full of all these things. As your life has changed, it will change again. love, Leila
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
Wed, 08-17-2005 - 9:55am

Carol,

I found this board for the exact same reasons you have. I was feeling so empty and not sure of my faith anymore. It's taken some time and I'm still not fully there, but everyone here has given me every reason to believe again. I have to agree on everyone's advice on focusing on yourself. I am a big "giver". Only, I never give to myself. That's been the hardest thing for me to learn to do. But even taking 15 minutes a day for "me" has been good. 15 minutes wasn't easy to find with having an active 4 year old and two very ill parents that I take care of daily. But you learn to find it. Especially with a lot of prayer. That's how I started out with my "me" time, just prayer. I'm always so worried about everyone else or what they are doing or what they think and how I can give. Just never gave thought to myself. Granted, giving and helping someone else is fullfilling, but once you learn to give to you, it is even more fullfilling.

Like I said, I've still got a ways to go and I've had some major brick walls on the way, but they have been easier to hurdle than before. I have started going back to church every so often, but I did go to the library, found books on my faith, and am re-learning it all. It is shining a new light on things.

Don't give up. Whoever you pray to is always listening and your prayers will be answered. Hold that thought close to your heart!

Chris


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2005
Thu, 08-18-2005 - 12:32am

I'm very sorry for your sadness. I hope you have support around you IRL also. People you can just air all this out to, because it helps to talk it out. And write it all down, send it out to the universe. I'm glad you haven't let your heart turn away from the need to pray and feel the comfort. I agree with putting yourself first with importance. Remember to stop and do the things that truly resonate in your soul, even if its only for a moment. Take the moment and stop and reflect. Don't pass by that rose bush that you would love to smell, stop and do it. The littlest things can lift our spirits. Help someone carry their boxes or bags and feel the sense of giving inside your heart, how it made you feel. Stop and breathe fresh air, feel the sun on your face.
I wish you peace and comfort in your times of adversity.

Stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2004
Thu, 08-18-2005 - 7:40am

Stephanie is right about the roses. When you walk past them, MAKE yourself do it. Keep on doing things for yourself, it will make all the difference in the world (and out of it) lol. Purseverence (sp?) will pay off, it will shape you into a new you which is what we are basically doing every moment anyways. Soon, you'll have brought yourself up so high you'll have forgotten your sadness and negativity and into your life will come all good things because you have changed yourself for the better. It works. Period.

Charlie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
Thu, 08-18-2005 - 9:16am

{{{ Carol }}}


I'd like to give my thoughts on your feelings that with all the

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
Thu, 08-18-2005 - 11:35am

Thank you Cara and all. I do believe in Guardian Angels and a higher power. I know that I am not alone. Does anyone have any good books they could recommend on spirituality?
I was raised Catholic but I struggle with many of their doctrines. Would like to find information on combining traditional beliefs with the power of nature.

Bless you all for your comfort.

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