I'm so Lost
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I'm so Lost
| Sat, 08-20-2005 - 2:06am |
I'm so lost, can someone please help. This is the situation. I have been with my current boyfriend 11 years. We got engaged about 5 yrs ago. We have have alot of problems off and on for 11 yrs. He bought a house 5 yrs ago and I have been paying 1/2 the mortgage ever since. Since losing my job 6 wks ago he has been paying full mortgage and all bills, I have been paying for all groceries, my bills and whatever I could help out with. He has told me several times during an argument that he never intended to marry me, that he only got me the ring because that's what women want, hurt me so much with his words, but stayed because I have no money to get out on my own. He told me tonight that I really need to get a job because we are falling behind on our bills, but I'm starting to get a thick skin and I told him that I was not going to pay him back for the money I havent been able to pay him, he said he would not give me a bill but that he needs help. I feel guilty because I am the one who talked him into buying this house in the first place. My parents gave us 4,000 for a down payment and I gave him money to re-carpet the whole house, plus bought paint, curtains, red rock for the landscape and a wood burning stove for the family room, not to mention a whole lot more for HIS house. My son who is 18 works at the local grocery store from 11 pm to 7 am was sleeping and I told fiancee at 10 pm I was going to wake him at 10 pm and make him something to eat, and fiancee said" I baby him, to let him do for himself,he can make his own food, well my response was that I do all the housework and laundry for everyone, and I enjoy doing for my son that I may not have him around too much longer and he should worry about his own 16 year old son. Tonight was it for me, but I'm trapped here with no job. I am so unhappy and just dont know a way out. Finacee is going through a really tough time because his 16 year old son totaled 2 cars and got 2 tickets within 10 days, insurance has gone from 100.00 per month to almost 400.00 a month and he is not working to support his mistakes, everyone keeps bailing him out. His girlfriends grandmother bought him his 3rd car, and he is going to pay her back. I feel as though I'm being used for the money to help with his insurance payments. Now his has a third car and has only had his license for just over 2 mos. Sorry so long but what can I do??????? Any advice would help. Irish

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I think common law marriage is seven years. I'd bite the bullet and look for another job. Get some money saved up and move out. Your fiance was an idiot to buy a ring because 'that's what women want'. You have upped the value of a house that you're not even going to get half the proceeds from if he sells.
I wouldn't be going anywhere until I had some money stashed. Stop paying his house payment. You already put wayyyyy too much money into a house that doesn't belong to you. Do you think people rent and replace their landlords carpet and buy stoves? I would suggest an attorney and hopefully you saved all of the receipts. Tell fiance you deserve a settlement at the very least. He should NOT have let you buy everything you did without the intention to marry you. A judge could settle this, but you must have your receipts.
Get three jobs if you have too, but start socking it away, I'd say you're paid up for a while. Thick skin is the only thing that's going to save you.
Get hold of your county assitance office and explain your situation. Tell them you are just sharing the rent on your income. At least you could get food stamps. What about unemployment?
Charliesap
I think it is going to be hard for you because you have been
in this undesirable situation for so many years. You are used to it.
Besides legal advice, a therapist is a good idea too. don't give him reason
to ask you to leave, be careful what you say. You owe him nothing.
Pretend anything till you go. You paid your dues, If nothing ever returns
to you, chalk it up as a life experience and get therapy so you can make
better choices. Keep the ring baby, fair exchange for the carpets. Not really,
just keep it. You can sell it some day. Save money, pretend you went bankrupt,
people restart all the time. Get used to doing for you and stop building
other people's lives. Get the help to develop more self love, meanwhile make a
plan to get out. Any relatives you can live with?????? Remember no more money to him.
No more calling him the fiance!!!!! or was that tongue in cheek??
Hugs, Leila
Irish,
You are in a dysfunctional spiral and you will need help getting out.
Temperance
Upright: Moderation, temperance, patience, harmony, fusion, good influence, confidence
Reverse: Discord, conflict, disunion, hostility, frustration, impatience
Hey Irish!
Irish,
Contact a women's shelter about your predicament. They may have the names of sympathetic attorneys who could give you free legal counsel. I'm sure you would have some rights via common law marriage and probably more than what you realize.
It's a real good sign that you are able to keep your wits about you. It sounds like you have a 'peace that passes understanding;' just continue to pray for guidance. You're doing the right thing. Don't second-guess yourself and let doubts get in the way.
You just have to realize how much you're worth, a house payment? a car payment? I don't think so & it's time you see your inner-worth and beauty.
Stay strong, take the high road and it will all work out.
Go, girl, Go!
Best,
Stephanie
Oh Honey!
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