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| Sun, 08-21-2005 - 12:34am |
i have been aware of this site for about a year but have only recently returned to read some of the posts. i don't know if answers are here that i seek. i only know my life has had so many changes in the past 2 years i have not caught up. i feel i have lost the connection i had with my spirituality. my beliefs are the same, my connections disrupted. i do believe i will find a renewed strength that will take me higher than the last as i grow. this last low has been very long and painful. highlights starting with the death of my father 2 years ago, the company i work for closing a year ago, requiring me to sell my home, leave my family and friends, move to NC to take a job with a sister company and most recently (this past monday) the death of my mother.
so where are the answers, what will bring me to the place where i feel connected again? i feel so distant from myself and my higher power. i long for the connection and the strength i gain from it. i do not pray, it is not something that comes natural to me. i have not made attempts at meditation since i moved here even though i know peace lies within it.
in a way i feel as if saying my life is empty will somehow acknowledge today and i can move forward. but what will it be to hit me over the head and help me wake up?
well that's my into. hope it's not too deep.
creative_peace

the job loss myself when a hospital I worked for closed.
That as hard. You probably had friends and support there.
Now you are in a new place.
know your parents completed what they were meant to do here.
They are together and would feel better to know you are Ok too.
We don't really die, we change energy. Keep talking to them,
feel the pain of it and then see a funny movie. You will have new
connections soon, time does wonders with healing. Love, leila
Welcome!
I'm so sorry for all you are going through.
Welcome, NC babe!
We are the collective sum of our energies
<> Beautifully said!
Creative peace, I imagine you do feel empty, your mother just passed over and you've been through some major life events with the move and all. I think it's perfectly normal to feel the way you do right now. You said you know meditation is the way to feel peace, but you haven't said why you don't do it anymore? That's where you'll find what your soul is craving. I know it's work and I don't do it often enough either, but that is where God is, right inside, waiting for you.
Betsy
Thanks irakrause, your post was lovely and all encompassing.
I realized by connecting on this board I am opening myself to the spirit again, I like that feeling.
The question from charliesap got me thinking…. why don’t I meditate anymore? The list… depression, TV addiction, food addiction, work travel/stress, not enough time in the day, overwhelmed by all I want to get done, no energy to do any of it…. All which are real, but also darn good excuses - yes? No, they are just excuses. At some level I am afraid to go forward, to let go of the who I have perceived myself to be and become the who I know is inside. That person is so alien it scares me, makes me wonder if I deserve and am capable of what I believe I can allow myself to be, yet I desire it. I believe our capabilities are limitless, yet I let the undeserving thought process keep in limbo. And of course it all takes real energy, will, purpose, desire and the ability to let go.
So I muck myself up with procrastination, fear and lethargy. Tick tock. What am I waiting for? I don’t know.
Again I feel connecting with the people on this board who are aiming at spiritual growth is a good place to be.
Thank you all for being here.
Peace
The fact that you are smart enough to recognize what holds you back...undeserving, addictions, etc. will be/actually is, your catalyst. Good for you.
Betsy