Help, inlaws just found out we changed..
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| Fri, 09-02-2005 - 5:01pm |
...religions. My DH grew up catholic and we have been practicing catholicism for 11 out of the 12 years that we have been married. The problem was, I the person brought up without religion as a child had trouble getting DH to go to church. I wanted and promised to bring the children up in the faith. Well, DH was obviously unfulfilled as I secretly was and the children too, DH was introduced to Christianity through a coworker so we went on a quest to discover what it was that we needed in our spirituality and discovered that Evangelicalism was right for us.
We moved away a year ago from DH's family to another state and found a wonderful church and are very satisfied and involved. WE finally have the relationship with God that we needed but DH's mother found out and thinks we are going to hell. Worst of all, she is blaming it all on me. No matter what my DH says, MIL won't believe him. She thinks DH is my "puppet". MIL does not believe that Christianity or any other religion are legitimate, period. Evangelicals believe as Catholics do in God and that Jesus is the son of God, we are different because we base our religion on the bible. Gees, it's the same bible why am we condemd to go to hell?
What to do? MIL has finally come out and blatantly told DH that the family does not like me. I have felt it for years but it seems so different now actually knowing it. How am I suppose to "relate" with people who don't like me, who blame me for everything that my DH has done wrong? Help, I feel awful! crying ;-(


what ever anyone thinks about me is none of my business!!!!!!!
COOL, HUH?? You can't change anyone, you can accept the fact that they
are opinionated and bigots ( joke) and be the loving gal you that you are.
Send her a letter saying you are sorry she feels this way about you, you will
continue to love her in your heart and hope that someday she will accept
that we all have choices in life, so does her son who has made his choices on his own.
That you do not have that much power over him or people.
Let it go, enjoy the love of your guy. That is what I hate about religions,
they kill and hate because they think theirs is the one and only. God is an energy whatever we call it.
a person energy, like Jesus, who may have gotten it from the universal energy to spread love here.
Maybe Jesus is just a brother to us and advanced energy.
We know NOTHING until we pass over to the other side. Come from love and forgive.
don't take your precious energy trying to make people like you. Love yourself and just live and forgive.
Pray for these people and just move on, they are not having breakfast with you every day. Love, leila
Hi and welcome!
MIL is fearful that your 'changed/new' religion is 'better' than hers and she's still on the outside looking in because she apparently is unhappy in her faith. She doesn't trust it or she wouldn't be lashing out at you for fear you two now know something she does not.
They probably liked you, but found things they didn't (whose MIL and extended family doesn't) but this was the straw and camel.
The best thing you can do is to show them your peace, your example that they have nothing to fear by you being happy. It takes none of theirs away from them.
Betsy
Boy Leila, that is awesome advice and I am taking it as well with what I am going through.
maybe she feels she has lost her son to marriage, whatever, we
don't need to analyze her.
just come from love in how you talk to them. Actually after reading
other posts, it is up to your son to deal with his parents. Only if she talks
to you directly do you need to talk about this. KEEP it SIMPLE. have a script
planned in your mind if you need to pull it out. Never defend yourself and your ways.
Lots of defending means you are wrong. Simple, " I love you although we have different
ways we want to live." love, Leila
"It's the same bible..." but then it's a different interpretation, and lots of religious groups think they have a direct line to God when others don't.
Thank you all for the help. So much of what you all said was right on target, my thoughts exactly. I will keep my distance and protect myself from MIL's hurtfulness. This has been so difficult for my DH, he is being faced with a mom that he doesn't recognise. Wow! He's just blown away by her reaction.
I didn't tell you this but MIL actually said to my DH that I was going to take the kids and divorce him. This is such a surprising statement because marriage is one of the most important sacrements of the catholic church and she is going against the so-called "family promise" to support the marriages in the family. She in a nutshell is asking her son to choose between her and me. My 12 year marriage is strong but will it stand up to a 40 year old relationship between son and mother? God, I pray so. DH seems to cleve to me and shows great disappointment in his mother.
An earlier post inquired about my evangelical religion, it is really just a non-denominational church. MIL does not understand this or will not listen. Our beliefs in God are the same, we make a concious choice to not focus on sacraments so much as the "Word of God" this is where we differ. Our Pastor has an amazing way of teaching and making us feel the presence of God, something we did not feel in all of the years that we practiced catholism.
1 Samuel 24:12 "May the LORD judge between you and me. And may the LORD avenge the wrongs you have done to me, but my hand will not touch you."
It is not the place of my MIL or anyone but God to judge my choices. And certainly, I do not judge her even after what she has said to hurt my husband (her son) and my family.
Again, thank you for being here for me. I will pray that my MIL's heart will soften and allow for love to fill our lives and for God to remove all barriers that prevent us from realizing happiness as a family.
Sharon
and wants to be closer to her son. I know to be closer to my son is to be loved by his
wife. i don't see him a lot but I se eher and the baby. I know that makes him happy.
Therefore i am closer to him!!!!!!!!!!!!! You'll be Ok because it sounds
like the marriage is strong. Don't put her down to him. he knows the scoop.
Love, Leila