rejecting old religion, not my family

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
rejecting old religion, not my family
4
Sun, 09-04-2005 - 5:16pm

Has anyone here changed religions and suffered strained family relations?

I was raised Catholic, in a very strict, but close, Catholic family. I am a very spiritual person, but I have just realized that my beliefs are not in accordance with the Catholic doctrine.

I do not attend church anymore, except Christmas, Easter, weddings, communions, etc. where it is a family responsibility.

My boyfriend of 4 years is also an ex-Catholic. We have enjoyed exploring religions and philosophies together. We have read books, listened to lectures and watched videos, meditated and prayed together and learned about several different religions. Although we do not belong to another faith yet and haven't decided which would best fit our belief system we are decidedly not Catholic. (On Belief-O-Matic (a quiz on another website, I was closest to Mahayana Buddhism, Hinduism, New Age, Quaker and Nondenom Christian. Roman Catholic was *last*)Shouldn't a religion be an expression of my beliefs, not going throuhg motions? Can I force myself to "believe" something I don't?

Anyway, we would love to get engaged and married finally, but my mother will not attend if I do not get married in a Catholic church. She also says "no one" else would, either. While I'm sure this is an exaggeration, she's breaking my heart. I love my family and want them at my wedding.

Okay, so I am rejecting "her" religion. I'm not rejecting HER. Nor am I rejecting her values and morals. I am still the same person, and I just can't fake it. I will not stand in front of God or whatever Great Spirit/s exist and my whole family and lie about my very soul and identity on my wedding day. That is a sin to me, not marrying outside of the Catholic church. Honesty and integrity are much more important to me. I have several friends who did the big Catholic wedding to appease their families, though it wasn't what they believed or wanted. I just could not enjoy my wedding day, could not look at myself in the mirror after speaking lies to the entire congregation. If ny words don't mean anything, what do *I* mean? My wedding day should be about my famiy supporting me and my future husband as we start our journey together, not about control or appeasing others.

My parents are getting older and my biggest dream is that my parents will be alive to see me get married. I love them very much. I don't know what I can do to remain in the good graces of my family while still being true to what I believe.

Any help you can offer would truly be appreciated as I really am hurting and don't know where to turn. Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Sun, 09-04-2005 - 7:53pm

It's so difficult and so unfair when parents put their expectations on their children and try to force them to conform.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-04-2005 - 8:32pm
A lady below has a similar problem, check out the answers. I did not
change my religion but married a jewish man to keep the family happy.
We were divorced in 6 years, it wasn't a marriage of love. an example of
parents not letting their kids be themselves." EARTH" rules, human stuff, an illusion
of what is real. It always disturbes me that people think their religion is the best.
Do what I say or I'll punish you, all about love, huh? who would want that kind of religion????
Follow your heart, come from love, be you, what else is there? I don't believe in sin. God gives free
choice. Love, Leila
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 12:12am

First I gotta say I love your screen name!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2005
Mon, 09-05-2005 - 11:59pm
your time has come theirs have not come as of now. So when yu go among them keep on the armour of the Creator. And be careful you do not become one of them. Be thankful for being called out and do not consider yourself better than them ,but be happy you are no longer one of them. Trutst that you gain LIFE instead of just living. then realize both liveing and LIfe are important in your unfoldment into Spiritual being Love and concern and prayers for you added to concern for precious ones.May you grow in truth to dispell errors and understanding gaining more wisdom to go with yuor precious insight with love. and wisdom and love become united. writeen by imperfect ira