Lost faith, what to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Lost faith, what to do?
7
Tue, 09-20-2005 - 4:51pm

Hi, this is my first time posting here...hope it's all right. I guess I'll just jump right in...I'm 24 and in my second year of medical school (hence the lack of time for a long introduction, lol). My parents never taught me any religion, but I joined a church on my own as a young teen and became really religious for a few years.

But after high school, maybe partly through some bad experiences, my faith started to fade. Then I explored Judaism and also Buddhism some, but never really found my "place."

In the last couple of years, I've had some huge struggles with depression...I'm now doing a good bit better with treatment, but I feel like I may never be "whole" without at least a sense of spirituality. Problem is, I've gotten to the point that I see very little evidence for spirituality anywhere (maybe as a result of being in science-oriented school too long!) and even less for God.

I'm definitely not trying to minimize anyone else's religion...I wish I still had that strong faith and what seemed like a strong connection to God that I had when I was younger. Now, even when I'm not really depressed, life seems somewhat pointless...especially when I'm exhausted (though I do get enough sleep, so I don't know why) and stressed, and feeling like I may not be "cut out" for this profession that I'm studying for, and that none of this matters much anyway.

Sorry to be such a drag! I do know that while there may never be "evidence" for God in some scientific way, there are some things that people can take on faith. And if I even had the sense that "something" or "someone" was out there, I think I'd be able to do that. But I don't...when I'm alone, I feel pretty much alone.

So I don't really know where to go from here. Sorry to make my first post so long and complicated, but does anyone have an idea of what I could do? There just doesn't seem to be any way to regain that feeling that there is a God out there once you've lost it.

Thanks for listening,

Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-20-2005 - 7:45pm
Dear, dear Rose,
I am so glad you have written here. I was brought up
Jewish, I decided at 16 there was no God. In nursing school, it was confirmed to me.
I saw so much at such a young age esp. holding the babies with leukemia at 3 weeks old,
knowing they would die etc etc. you know all of what the etc means. I went along
like this until I was 45 when my son developed a mental illness. I then prayed, went to alanon
even tho he has no addictions. I just knew I should be there. I was guided. yeah it
put me in the addiction field for 20 years. I love it. Backing up: Proof of God, it is everywhere.
Pray, ask for signs, forget the science. You can work with it like I do and know there is
something different and greater, but we work with science because that is how we are
helping the planet. You will be a better doc with spirituality. if you have read these
posts, you see that God comes thru many ways, license plates, what someone says to you. etc.
God is in all of us. Open the book and find the perfect page, it is all God energy and God helpers.
You have spirit guides etc. Hey, Einstein said we can't kill energy, so
maybe your dead relatives in new energy form are helping you like mine do for me.
I also tend towards depression, take fish oil, watch your thoughts, we create with
our thoughts, be aware of what is positive and negative. Read labels, don't eat preservatives etc.
Tell the universe what you are grateful for each day. You are also at an age of questioning. Keep
up your work, your education. I have a lot to say, I'll let others answer you for now. Without my
spiritual side I was a control freak, did not know as much about love and acceptance.
Also when you are aware that souls come here for reasons and some are not to be here long,
that they may not be ready to be in a body or leave earth for a lesson for another, life is easier.
I don't want to scare you with these statements. There is a Divine plan, we are here for a blink,
earth is not IT. Flow with it. Love, Leila i've been there
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-20-2005 - 9:22pm

Welcome Rose!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2004
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 1:35am
Hi Rose. I totally agree with what Leilade and Ginger posted to you. I also went through that period. I was depressed, felt like a lost soul with no purpose, and like you i felt alone. You can regain your faith...it is possible. I don't identify with a religion or claim to be a certain one. I wasn't baptized when i was a baby and my mother, father and friends had different religious backgrounds. I decided to be baptized Catholic because my mom and her family and my best friends from highschool and family were Catholic. I'm not a practicing Catholic though. I am spiritual and i believe in a higher power. I pray and i talk to God alot more now. It took a trigger of events for me to open up my eyes and recognize that God is everywhere. Maybe a short version of my story will give you some hope. It all started when someone told me "God Bless You" which i thought was odd because it was a nightclub/bar scene where i work and in the 10 years i've worked in that industry no one has ever said that to me. One night i turned on tv & decide listen to this man preach about Wisdom. (A man who i always change the channel) but some reason listened to what he preached. I opened up my bible which i haven't read in years and the first page i opened to was Proverbs and the readings having to do with Wisdom. Out of all the pages in the bible i picked that page. A couple days later this lady wearing scrubs who i have never seen in my apartment complex approached me and followed me while i was checking mail and carried on about God and how he forgives, she ended the conversation telling me i was a good person. I still haven't seen this lady since that day. The next day i checked mail and like always throw my junk mail away and for some reason decided to look in trash and noticed advertisement about going to church. I could go on about signs that have continued to show up but its signs like these that reassure me that God does exist and he wants you to have faith in him. I think that you coming here and posting here for the first time is a sign. He's trying to reach you and you were guided to the right place. Be open and be patient. Sit quietly to calm your mind from all the stress and chaos. I'm sure medical school is pretty darn tough. I'm in my last semester of nursing school and i've never felt so exhausted emotionally and physically, i can't imagine medical school... I think i'd be bald from pulling all my hair out. Speaking of hair, I've actually grown gray hairs since i started nursing school. LOL. I know in times like this you doubt yourself, you start to question your ability, talent, intelligence, etc. Be strong Rose and ask God to be there for guidance, strength and the wisdom to carry on. Don't give up!!! I will keep you in my thoughts and in my prayers. Many blessings and hugs, love Tia.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 1:15am

Thank you all very much...all your replies were really helpful. I did take that online quiz about various religions, although it was hard since I'm not sure about anything, but I came up with a 100% fit with "secular humanism" and 99% with Unitarian Universalism... next in line was Quaker, interestingly enough!

I read more about each of those...but unfortunately, even though secular humanism pretty much describes my current beliefs, I'm not enjoying living life by those beliefs very much. It's kind of a catch-22...I can't really get myself to believe in spiritual things that don't seem real to me, but without those spiritual beliefs, I'm unhappy!

What one of you described about your experience in nursing school sounded similar to a little bit of what I've gone through...it's not the only reason I have trouble believing in God by far, but hearing stories about illness and death that seem pretty random makes it hard to imagine that there is some great plan to life. And I haven't even started my clinical years of treating patients yet!

I have started making a few attempts at some kind of brief prayer...like one of you mentioned, I also used to feel like my prayers were heard and answered in the form of signs, whether Bible passages, etc. But for some reason, over the years, any sense of connection to a God for me seems to have gone away completely.

I guess my essential problem is that I actually don't believe in anything beyond the physical world anymore (which is so odd to say because I used to feel so strongly that I had a connection to the spiritual!)...but it makes me sad to think that this is "all there is," and I wish that I could bring myself to believe in more.

I will try some of the things you all mentioned, being more open to possible "signs" and trying prayer and/or meditation (I haven't done that in a long time, I think maybe because I'm scared of what I might find out). Again, I really appreciate it...if any of you think of any other ideas or where to go from here, that would be great too.

Thanks,

Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 6:15am
Rose, it's more scary without that spiritual side. So all you can find there is good.
God is a loving God. read the God books. Book 1,2 3. friendship with God etc.
You will find many answers there. Easy to read and thought provoking.
Now, when my son got sick and I went to alanon, I did not want anything to
do with the spiritual steps of the 12 step program. I did what they said.
One day i was about to express my anger towards my husband, before that I looked out
the window and asked God for help. a warmth came rushing in, I felt so settled.
There was no need to be angry, I said, " what was that about?" It got better and better.
It was not an overnight thing. After my husband died I hung out with people I met
at " a course in miracles" My thinking started to change. Book is a little hard to read,
you as a med student could do it. I believe this planet is really an illusion. When my
DIL had her first miscarriage, I didn't know it was happening, I felt a tap on my shoulder,
I was half asleep, it was so strong, I got up and searched the house. I know
it was the baby's spirit saying good bye. ( for the time being) I had the dream before
that pregnancy that i would have a granddaughter in Nov. the next week, I got the call
about the pregnancy. Was hard to beleive that this little girl ( it was a girl) had checked out.
Rose, some people get sick because they refuse to deal with stress, anger,
don't eat right or read labels and eat foods with chemicals. We have an agreement
before coming here about what we need to learn, then there is Karma. I'm going over your head here.
It is a dichotomy, what seems real is not, what does not seem real IS, read brien Weiss, " many lives
many masters" he's a psychiatrist, about past lives. You may like that. Get out of your own head,
find someone to talk to, try a UU or Unity church, read. Start educating yourself in all ways.
God is an energy to me, the highest energy form, I also have angels and spirit guides.
When Reiki is done to me, I feel other hands on me. No one else is there, just 1 person,
reiki people have reiki guides to assist and do the healing. YOU ARE AT THE START OF A
LONG AND WONDERFUL ADVENTURE. funny how i do not always choose when the capitals go on.
Just tell the universe, I am open, come to me in any way i can understand. You got led here
for starters. it is NO coincidence there are 2 of us who can identify with medicine and God.
When you realize earth is not it, it does not matter when ya die or check out. W e are here for a blink.
when you are ready for books about the other side, let me know. You also do not
need to define your spirituality. I came out as hinduism first in the test, i don't know what that means???????
Love, leila
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 10:07am

Rose,


You are following one of the most strenuous education paths in the world.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2005
Sun, 09-25-2005 - 1:41am

Divinity of love In the mist of trouble you can be in peace and joy./////Within you comes forth to my mind the precious one that you are.do not accept yourself as in the past, Realize right now that you are a great treasure(no pride)///Keep the excellent spirit of being a child-son-daughter of the Most High///What you walk away from God will lead you ,(instruction).In which you will follow and determine the futhure you create,(Holy Spirit guidance). In closing God will treat you better than you will treat yourself.. written by irakrause@netzero.com write him there.////////////////////////and if you care to read The goal of life is not marriage but love. Those who function God as love are
those who have finished their course in mortal love and marriage. These can
understand what is being worked out in the
race,and note with joy the activities that partake of a higher spirit of love.
Marriage fulfills itself to any ego when the male and female qualities of being
are united within one form this making
for spiritual birth and resurection. These gain the righteous concepts fo Love
and Marriage and become the means, spiritually, by which higher order may work
out in the race. People in the race
thought and love are given to do racial work that more perfectly align it to
higher ideals of love and marriage. Companionate marriage is one of these racial
factors by which people are
prepared for a higher advancement, and then freedom of bondage is determined.
The source of being should be seen as the author of all these changes, then the
ego will find in the ideas pertaining to
them opportunity by which to advance. Ida M and also if you care to read///// MAN HAS WITH WITHIN HIMSELF THE POTENTIALITIES OF THE FATHER-MOTHER PRINCIPLE OF BEING, AND HAS WITHIN HIS GRASP THE KEY TO IMMORTALITY, BUT IT INVOLVES THE GREATEST SACRIFICE HE CAN EVRY BE CALLED UPON TO MAKE, YET LIFE PROVES THAT ALL SACRIFICE IS BUT THE LETTING GO OF THE LESSER IN ORDER TO RECEIVE THE GREATER GOOD. JESUS CHRIST SPECIFICALLY SHOWS BY HIS TEACHING ,AS RECORDED IN MATT. 10;34-39, THAT THE HIGHEST CALLING IN LIFE INVOLVES THE OVERCOMING OF ONE'S PERSONAL LOVES. WITH MAN EXPRESSES THE SENTIMENT OF THE MASTER IN HIS WORDS 'NOT THAT MINE ENEMY EVER INVADES ME, NO HARM FROM HIM DO I FEAR. BUT THE LOVER I RECKLESSLY LOVE, LO, HOW THEY MASTER ME; HOW I GRAVEL IN THE DUST BEFORE THEM.' FEW PEOPLE HAVE FOUND THE LOVE THAT SATISFIES BECAUSE THEY HAVE SOUGHT IN THE PERSONAL FOR IT. DIVINE LOVE, THE SATISFYING LOVE, IS FOUND THROUGHT DEVELOPING THE SPIRITUAL NATURE OF MAN SPIRITUALITY ASCENDS IN CONSCIOUSNESS ONLY AS CARNALITY DISAPPEARS
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