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| Wed, 01-18-2006 - 3:55pm |
I was reading the post on happiness and it occurred to me (again) that I always feel as if I am trotting along behind the enlightened. I learn so very much in reading all your posts, but a part of me feels inferior - that I have not reached where I want to be. I feel as if I could take a year away from the grind of life perhaps the missing pieces would fall into place. but I sure can't afford to do that. I am single, turning 50 this year and feel squashed by the demands of everyday survival. I don't see any way to escape for a long enough period of time to find the who of who I am. I am sad and overwhelmed... I don't want it all to slip away without reaching my capabilities spiritually.
how do you all manage? where does your peace come from?
Nancy

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Perhaps a lifetime of feeling inferior in your family, your marriage and your early career has carried over to the present.
You posted the question of all questions....where does peace come from? What I have learned in my 16 years of studying spirituality is that peace ultimately comes from God and that part of God that is within you. That is where everything that is of God comes from, inside of us. And sometimes (most of the time) the way we receive what we want is to give it. So I am going to share something with you, a little exercise to try.......as you are going about your day(s), whenever you find "un-peace" focus on extending peace and love out from you to the situation. The peace is in you, no doubt, it can't not be. I do this exercise and take deep breathes and when I exhale in my mind I am feeling peace and love extend out to the situation. And it has been miraculous, to say the least, at what transpires from there. I had/have this same issue and one of the things that helped me was to sit down and write about what peace really is for me, what does it look like, smell like, feel like, so I have a real good knowing of what it is for me. Also focus in on peace, like playing a game, how much peace can you find in a day......i.e., a duck swimming in a lake, a butterfly around a bunch of flowers, a happy baby, etc. It's everywhere!! It will come to you for it is you. Let me know how you make out.
For me, it was a struggle also at 50, and younger, to keep spirituality alive & well in my busy daily life... Sometimes I did a good job; sometimes I didn't do so well. And the rest of my life became far more frustrating with a lot more stress. Sigh... So hard to find "balance." :((
I am 58 now and no longer working. My DD is grown and gone and on her own. My life is more mine again, LOL! :D Still, even with more time at my disposal, it is easy to get "off track" with my daily spiritual practice. When that happens, I find myself being short with people, spinning my wheels and feeling unmotivated, even depressed. It's like getting into a physical exercise routine. Takes a long time to build it in as a "lifestyle," KWIM?
I'd say be patient with yourself. We are all works in progress spiritually. No one "arrives." It is the journey and the process that is important. That is what gives us form and purpose. We're all dealing with our own purpose and challenges in any given lifetime (I believe in reincarnation). it's not a race. It's a personal evolution as spirit, IMO. One step at a time. Comparing ourselves to others is fruitless. There is no place we "should" be. There is only where we ARE. And we go from there. Each journey is individual and different.
I spent a lot of years, from my 20s onward, reading, spending a fortune on spiritual books (you should see my bookcases, LOL!), looking for the "answer" outside myself. Along the way, I picked up a few skills and perspectives about looking within, that stayed with me. My Zen years taught me sitting meditation, walking meditation, about how my own inner outlook creates my reality ... and my suffering. My martial arts training and learning t'ai chi, brought home to me that an interior focus of peacefulness, readiness, equanimity made me more powerful in living my life according to MY values and beliefs. Now, I follow the Goddess, having found an answer to something missing previously, an acknowledgement of the sacred feminine spirituality long denied me. My spiritual practice includes daily t'ai chi practice, sometimes sitting meditation, but always, always stopping periodically just for a moment, and BREATHING slow and deep, and being in the present moment, out of my "head" and activity, to appreciate life. The sun, the rain, the trees, the stark sculpture of bare tree limbs arching toward the sky. My dog's sense of humor. :P
So, love yourself, nurture your spiritual self. No guilt. No excuses. Just do it. Just be it. ;))
Hugs,
Gypsy
Edited 1/19/2006 1:00 pm ET by gypsywolfwoman
Blessings,
Gypsy
)O(
Jodi, thanks for your response.
Who knows the why of today, I drive myself crazy with why I have done what I have done. I create situations, afterwards analyze myself to death, but not enough before - so I think. I am impulsive and do not think of consequences - only the good that can come
Leila, as i read your first sentence i was tearful. "struggle" being the only word that stuck out. i realized how much i was struggling. and then after reading it the first time i realized i had interpreted what you said as keep up the struggle, lol, so ingrained is the struggle. i had to read it again
Bink,
I must wear my inferiority like a badge. I often feel as if I can't express myself - or rather think I can't. it keeps me in a mangled mess of emotion. Creating the habit of using affirmations I know works - but I don't do it. I have to not just "want" it, but know I can have it.
"Inner peace is not an end point in the distance" - It's not? LOL I want to measure it, analyze it, find it, be it. a little intense huh? I forget to stop and breathe. It feels too crazy to remember, though I know it's a means to the process.
Thanks,
Nancy
Rev,
I hadn't thought of projecting peace outward as a way to find it, but it makes sense as you get what you give.
Peace to me? I fear the answer would be the ultimate peace - an impossible peace to feel while in human form. I must let that go. it will be mine between incarnations, for now where is peace?... one of my 4 month old foster puppies snuggling up to me, or a look from their sweet faces, the sunset, the moon. I don't bask in the wonders of these things. I so often see it, then move on to the crazy, overwhelmed demands of my life.
How to stay conscious of the peace - I don't know...
Thanks,
Nancy
Gypsy,
"Takes a long time to build it in as a "lifestyle"" - I just feel tension when I think of all the things I need to do to get there. I avoid the actions for fear of how great it can actually be - know what I mean?
"I'd say be patient with yourself. We are all works in progress spiritually. No one "arrives." It is the journey and the process that is important. That is what gives us form and purpose. We're all dealing with our own purpose and challenges in any given lifetime (I believe in reincarnation). it's not a race. It's a personal evolution as spirit, IMO. One step at a time. Comparing ourselves to others is fruitless. There is no place we "should" be. There is only where we ARE. And we go from there. Each journey is individual and different." --- I love this paragraph, it gives me permission to be right where I am. I am such a judger, it is ingrained in me. no one is harder on me than me.
"looking for the "answer" outside myself" ---- boy that's me all over the place, it is not outside myself - I have to remember this!!!!! it hits on many aspects of my life today. thanks for the reminder.
Gypsy - all of the wonderful things you have done and do to create your peace are for the most part things I "want" to do. it makes me cry to see the words yet still not be able to act on these things. and why don't I act on them? am
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