Has "judging" yourself become a habit?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Has "judging" yourself become a habit?
20
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 7:11am

There are times when I felt I've taken on too much, or I am not "this" or not "that".  I'm "less than .. " or "not enough".  My patience is thin and my expectations are too high.  It's not the "balance" that's the issue, but discontent with myself "at that moment". 


Question:  If we believe in God(dess), Buddha, etc. loves us unconditionally, why are we still beating ourselves up for "who we are" ???



Co-CL of Faith and Spiritualty


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Email me at CeeSpirit@Lycos.com!






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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 9:39am

mmm, why are we still beating up on ourselves?

mmm, I see, that a person hasn't come to terms, with what they want of themselves in life? perhaps?
or..

has been brainwashed as a child to be 'perfect'...

tis something that we took along from a previous lifetime.
Tis something we had decided upon, before we came to live this life and tis something we have to learn.

We base our 'acceptance' of ourselves, on what others think of us.. and we aren't quite aware of it?

Until we find ourselves and know that ''to be'' is all that is needed? we can do our best to follow this or that princeple of believes, like buddhism or christianity... but as long as we don't stop to think about what it means 'to be' and that, that is more than enough? THAT long? will we be searching!

Furthermore, I believe this society we live in, is not comfortable with itself either and rather than looking at themselves, tis easier to judge others and expect them to satisfy OUR dissatisfaction with ourselves or we expect others to behave in such a way, that WE don't have to make the changes for and within ourselves.

Tis indeed very scary and also VERY timeconsuming to stop and look at oneself!!

How many of us, really, really, really are comfortable at pausing at any mirror and spending at least 60 seconds or more, really really !!!! really looking at the human in whose skin we have taken this time in this life, to occupy!!

I was very lucky!! found a long time ago that 'to be' is ALL that is required from us.. We can read about other ways of life or other ways of going about things.. but one is still 'doing' something..

'Just being' is not striving to anything, but having peace within oneself with oneself.. and knowing that 'to be' is all that is required of us..

then my question is? How do others see 'this just being'...?
greets from an old brush

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 10:24am

LadyCee?

I saw this pposting, further down here on this board.. and when I read it? I thought? might this be a help or an answer for you?

Life is a constant flow between ebbs and tides. We wake and we sleep. The day dawns and the night enfolds us. We have our bright side and our shadow side. Problems arise in the external world when we project our unacceptable qualities onto other people. Then we struggle to control others or change them, always feeling like a victim of circumstance. With little awareness of our responsibility in situations, we suffer inner conflict and self-doubt.

Ideally, as we express our authentic spirit in meaningful activities, we begin to live in a state of balance, where we accept and work with what we’ve got – who we are. Often, we are so busy trying to meet the expectations of our nine-to-five jobs, or attempting to fulfill the unlived dreams of our parents, that we scarcely know who we are. In order to fulfill the unique complex of what we call our life purpose, it is very helpful to let go of judgments – of self or others.

From: "The Purpose of Your Life
by: Carol Adrienne
Posted by: galnextdoor?
under the heading of: "Making peace with your flaws."
from: Prayer Circle/Positive Thought

greets from the old brush

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 11:10am

Hi, old brush!


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 12:32pm

Hallo Barbara
I really get tickled pink by your name: binkeebee.. hihi, sooo cute.

You are RIGHT in that I did not, find out about just being until I went through therapy for my childhood wartime experiences..

But! it wasn't at all the therapy actually that brought me there, either. If anything? this attitude? was quite irritating to my therapist.. And it looks it is now irritating some people at the Reiki Centre, where I have started to volunteer.

If you just are? You won't critize others, but instead, you will see a mirror image? and then realize, realy? this issue isn't important at all..

To stay in that frame of mind isn't easy either, it seems to annoy more people than not.. I found that in itself, rather interesting.

Just to be, has be threatened often and people and situations have tried to draw me away from it..

Just to be... has made me looked at myself sometimes and say, tis ok, for today, am a slob, tomorrow, I might never have..

When tomorrow came, I looked at myself and said, don't allow the negative pull of the world and others, to take you away from today, this moment..

I have learned to observe the world around me, the people around me... and just see things, not put any meanings to it or try to interpret it, because I have found that as time passes, I sometimes forget about just being and then my self is being lived by others.

I think? that this 'just being' is something? one could find at any stage in life and age hasn't got anything to do about it? I must say, the oddest thing in my life is, that many wisdoms have not come from older people or people of my age, instead it has come from those around me, who were younger..

Often I have sat in my garden, thinking how remarkable that was.. and how refreshing..
and what a blessing.

I lost my being just there, for a while, but am being pulled back to it... I started to study and be attuned into Reiki last year and have gone even as far as Master Reiki... but am finding that what is more important to me is my spiritual situation.. not soo much the practice of practising Reiki... but a little desire is growing of teaching it though.. but more the spiritual aspect of it.. or .... sharing with others the spiritual aspect of Reiki...

Being kinder to the self and so being kinder to ones fellowman..
Being more tolerant to the self and so being more tolerant to others. etc etc.

am also more aware these days, that it isn't very good either, of always wanting to help others, to straighten out their hard or difficult paths, as these paths are theirs and they have their own purpose for having to follow them..

I remember the day as if it happened a moment ago. When I heard a voice say: "Tis not for you to solve the problems of others"... and tis something actually which is showing me? how relieving that is.. tis not my responsibility... but it is my relieve of that responsibility..

how phylosophical can an old biddy get? eh?
sooo nice to exchange dialogue with you! and soo different from being a busybee?
greets from the old brush

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 10:27pm

My cl- ID was inspired by Hallmark cards.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 8:22am

Well, Hi, Brush!


Great answers you posted and I appreciate it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 10:56am

YES!!! INDEED!!! lady cee!! THAT!! is the way to look at oneself.. To see the negative but especially I think? the positive?

I believe? that once? one looks at onself, behind the surface? into the depth of our own eyes, one begins to see the real person.

this is how I started, to help myself.

I undressed completely naked and loosly, draped a bedsheet around myself.. Then I stood in front of my cheap full length mirror and I did this, at first once a day and I said to myself: Even though, I was MADE to feel ugly, I accept myself completely and unevocally.
I am the way I am supposed to be, THIS is how I was created..

Then after many months... I lowered the sheet and looked at my face and my shoulders and as time passed by, the sheet got more and more lowered... One day I had to face that I thought that I was my mother, but unacceptable.. for the figure in front of me, wasn't me as I had been, but I had inherited her figure.. I felt that because of that, the last bastion of self had gone and I had resented her deeply.. But as I began also to accept that my figures, was now also mine? I was still myself..

Now I don't look at my figure too much any longer, but instead, I stand in front of the mirror and say, don't get a swelled head, kid, your ok, and that is enough!

then I have to grin at myself, but that is where a person wants to be, comfortable in ones own skin!

I am grateful for the few wrinkles I have and still can enjoy plastering make-up on my face, still use the eye-shadow, mascara, blush, lipstick.. and know that I enjoy still using all that stuff, as I once did, when I was young and skinny and doing make-up on people who had to appear on tv or on stage or film..

I still have a nice scent to throw over me and enjoy going out, feeling and smelling OK.

I have been doing this for a very very long time for myself now.. And when people, say something to the affect that my hub must appreciate it too, I simply state, that my well being doesn't depend on his or anybody's approval.

I get odd looks,when I say things like that. .. but reallY? tis exactly as I feel these days.. BUT! it didn't come overnight and it was a long battle for the finding of the self..

I am grateful for a small monthly income, which does not depend on my husband keeping us together, but tis my own.. and I have worked for it.. and what a saving grace that is? For how many women? have had that blessing?

Sometimes, I get involved or pulled into other peoples problems, and still find myself wanting to straighten out other people's life, not to bully them into that things can be different, simply because I don't wish that kind of hardship on others, as I know only too well how awful it can be and I'd like to show them, look... this is what I found helped me, maybe? if you look at this? it might help you too, to very quickly realise then.. tis not for me to solve their problems!.. Then I find myself again and live my own life. As others have to as well..

Mind you, tis soooo hard, to pull back, especially if one knows that there are ways and means to live instead of surviving from day to day or hour to hour!

I what a subject did we hit on here? eh! but I enjoy it... keeps me full of spit and vinigar!
greets and regards, the old brush

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 5:16pm


I cannot and will not speak for others, but for me I had to make radical changes. The first step was to really know who I was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 6:56pm

ah Sophie
i read about this way of meditating, which is what buddhists do.. I know a buddhist monk in the Netherlands and that is how he teaches his students to meditate.. and that is how I have read it elsewhere as well... the way you describe it..

I can say, that if I miss one day of meditating? the next day? I can feel somewhat unbalanced, if you can phrase it that way? I never thought in my life that I would ever do this meditation thing, but one learns and one grows...

am glad I learned it in my old age... and it is really nice? to read, that you are using this buddhist method of meditating, as that is how the buddhists do it.. at least from everything that I have read, even the 14th Dalai Lama has adviced it to do it this way.

blessed be? greets from brush

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 12:06pm


Interesting! I have read only a few books on Buddhist meditation and have not read any on breathing in positive energy and breathing out negative energy. But then again I am not sure where I got that from. So, I will take your word on that.

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