Has "judging" yourself become a habit?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Has "judging" yourself become a habit?
20
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 7:11am

There are times when I felt I've taken on too much, or I am not "this" or not "that".  I'm "less than .. " or "not enough".  My patience is thin and my expectations are too high.  It's not the "balance" that's the issue, but discontent with myself "at that moment". 


Question:  If we believe in God(dess), Buddha, etc. loves us unconditionally, why are we still beating ourselves up for "who we are" ???



Co-CL of Faith and Spiritualty


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 1:13pm

Hi Sophie
hihi, am myself always at one particular site, they are Gwyddons, I really, really like it there!
I think? in life? if a person is open to it? then the Universe? will help that person? to find the path,which is right for that person to follow, spiritually.

I was raised a Roman Catholic, but my mother, wasn't the kind, that hammered things into me, as a matter of fact? she often was at war with the nons.. and the priests..

She was a praying person, where as I am not that much of a praying person. When I do? tis completely different than she does and tis not like any of the christian believes.

For about 15 years I was actively involved with the pentacostal believe and the whole charismatic movement, as it was called then..

But, it was more a pressure on me, and so I left it all, and then little by little things came to me.. even exchanging opinions, believes etc with wiccas and pagans, and druids.. In the NLs and in Belgium and the UK.. and the US..

and between all of these? I found my own little path.. Am still traveling it.. the spiritual way.. presently am doing a meditation course, in which I am learning not just to meet my spiritguide(s) but also, how to communicate with them and to decipher what they are telling me..

I find it very interesting and enjoyable and every time I sit down to do that particular exercize, am just dying of curiosity, as to what I will be told this time.. So far, all am getting is that I am on a path of spiritual development..

But myself? am really like the way the wiccas and pagans think and go about their lives.. they have also been of a great direction for me to go and am doing actually some of the things these people do, and I feel for the first time in my life? truly at peace and content and best of all, i don't feel pressured.
blessed be! sophie!
powderbrush

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-04-2006 - 7:44pm
Why am i still beating myself up for who I am? Hmmmmmm. Most of the time, I'd say, " I don't" but it isn't fully true. i get upset with myself for keeping the 5 xtra pounds on, for becoming shy as I get older and don't want to go places alone anymore, wishing I could be like I used to be yet knowing I am wiser and a more loving person. what I used to be was not always the cat's meow. I am always in the middle of not being old and not being young and trying to accept the weird place of transition. I do have love and respect for myself to have gone so many paths, have had so many experiences and have learned from them. Love, Leila
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 9:09am



I was also brought up Roman Catholic and spent much of my life in search of answers. I do believe that any path that

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 11:23am

Dear Sophie?
could you please explain to me? what a dedication ceremony is? am really interested.. I must say, that although I no longer consider myself a roman catholic, I do have fond memories to the times in my childhood in Indonesia, when I did my first communion and we then after about 2 years, went through a form of knighting into the roman catholic faith.. I have never known the english term for it or even if that was only just in the Dutch roman Catholic church a custom..

Over the years I have discovered, that different countries, seemed to have different ceremonies, within the rc. faith/church which aren't or weren't in my culture.

As for instance at the age of 12? in the southern part of the Netherlands only, children were to re affirm themselves to the church, as in re affirm the promises made for them as member, when they were baptised and their godparents made those promises and also renew their first communion.

It was a big celebration in rc families in that part of the country, but if one went outside that province? not even priests or nuns had heard of it or even knew the existance of that custom.. Nor did the rc.s in the surrounding countries, like, belgium, germany, luxembourg, for example..

I was just wondering? whether the ceremony which you just so pleasantly experienced? was similar?
greets, the old brush

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2001
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 11:41am

When I read your questions, several thoughts/ideas came up for me...

1) Some religions teach that all humans are unworthy or sinners or that we are defective in some way. That we are always "less than" and must struggle and suffer. That we have no right to be happy. That we are not worthy. If we look at ourselves in this way, how can we ever stop judging ourselves as never measuring up? How can we ever find happiness, inner balance and peace? If we don't believe we deserve it?

2) Our society emphasizes an attitude, still, that women are subservient, should worry about everyone else's needs ahead of their own, that if they try to take care of themselves, ask for what they want in life, and work toward it, they are selfish in the negative sense. Any sacrifice, from taking off work or giving up a career or settling for less in a career or giving up personal dreams, is expected of us as women. Keep the family running smoothly, etc.

3) I think, also, there is a mindset that women shouldn't be friends but competitors, for men or relationships. There is also the competition inherent in pursuing a career. One must constantly evaluate oneself, critique one's looks, one's training and education, and always look for MORE, that who we are or what we are doing in our lives, is never good enough, never just, enough. We are taught "no pain, no gain." The rat race never stops. We cannot live in the present moment, but always be looking for more. Instead of inner value and purpose, it's a game of outward appearance, with little of substance. Judged on outside appearances is paramount in our society.

I think for me, to get rid of that harmful conditioned mindset has been a lifelong journey, also required me to continue my spiritual seeking. Until I found a belief system that, for me, is life affirming and has a positive outlook for human beings, and having faith in our species, that we will evolve and mature into spiritual beings of light. That we, ourselves, are divine and sacred. That happiness, harmony, peace are our birthright, so to speak, that we can claim as we evolve.

Gypsy



Blessings,

Gypsy

)O(



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 12:03pm

In the Pagan religion that I believe in there are many different ideas concerning both dedication and initiation. For me, because there is a great deal to think about before you commit yourself to this path before you commit to it one would go through two important steps before making such a decision. First there is the initiation ceremony. With this step you commit yourself to spending as much time learning about the path that you are traveling down. What it means to be pagan and what it means to live a life as a pagan. Then after one year and one day if you should so choose you can make the decision to dedicate your life to your chosen path. You can wait longer if you choose, but this step cannot be taken earlier. That is what I decided to do. So, on Saturday I did a ceremony that marked my commitment to my chosen path. I made promises to uphold the ideals of my path along with other promises to the God and Goddess. In turn the Gods and Goddesses made a promise to me to open the lines of communication for me. Some gave me their secret names, so that I could call on them in time of need.


I hope this explains a little bit.


Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself.


You may not be perfect, but you are all You've got to work with.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2001
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 12:07pm

I so agree with you! :)

Your words reflect my own life journey and struggles. Our society is intolerant about living in the moment, to "be" and to be flexible and dance with what life brings us. To learn the wisdom of the trees -- to bend and sway, remain rooted deep, and not be broken or knocked down by the winds of life. To go dormant to replenish. To renew and become irridescent glowing green. To stretch and enjoy the sun. To draw strength through the roots. :P

What you said about this wisdom to be in the present moment, not being necessarily a function of gaining wisdom through aging and maturity, but present in our younger years, is also true. I think children understand this from the beginning, but through socialization, are taught to distrust the present moment, their intuition, ability to adapt and dance with life. As a young woman I understood that this inner balance was what was truly important, and to trust my instincts and intuition, my own inner voice. But this wisdom was embattled and I gave up myself to take on what society, my religion at the time, and so forth told me was important, what I SHOULD be or dream or strive for. I buried my own truth because I didn't have the strength to stand up to these pressures. I have spent many decades since, reclaiming myself, that wisdom I knew.

Gypsy




Edited 2/5/2006 12:37 pm ET by gypsywolfwoman


Blessings,

Gypsy

)O(



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2001
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 12:26pm

Thank your sharing your experience with the sheet. ;)) That was a beautiful lesson in wisdom and learning self-acceptance, down to our skin and physical level, and not just "intellectually." The first time I did a private ritual for my Goddess, my self-dedication ceremony, I did it "skyclad." It was very hard for me, also. My body is not what it once was as a young woman, either. In our youth worshipping society rampant with ageism, it is difficult not to judge ourselves because of our wrinkles, sagging skin, age spots, and so forth. Hard to feel good about ourselves, nonetheless. But I had to learn all over again, to love ALL of me, body, mind and spirit.

Getting naked and doing mirror work is a tough challenge, indeed! But it is the only way to freedom of spirit, in my view. We can do all the "interior work" we want, but if we can't look at ourselves in a mirror and love ourselves, in all stages of our lives, we have more work to do. ;))

Gypsy




Edited 2/5/2006 12:38 pm ET by gypsywolfwoman


Blessings,

Gypsy

)O(



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2001
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 12:31pm

On the breathing in positive energy and breathing out negative/stale energy, I share this focus when I do my t'ai chi practice. The moves are coordinated with breathing, and I envision the old/stale/negative energies going out of me in exhales, and fresh/positive energies coming in through the soles of my feet during my inhales. :P

Gypsy



Blessings,

Gypsy

)O(



iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 7:31am
Wow!

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