How far would you go to help another?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
How far would you go to help another?
5
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 6:46am
Hi All!
It's been awhile, so I don't know if anyone remembers me. This year has been tough. Besides the joyous Hurricane season this year, which ruined 2 of my computers, I have been so busy dealing with other peoples problems than my own.
I have a sister who has been involved with what used to be a close friend of mine for 10 years. In the last few years, he has slowly declined into the world of drugs. My sister knows she can't be with him anymore until he gets over his problem, but she is a huge animal enthusiast and throughout the years accumulated a "zoo" at her home and will not leave them no matter how many times I have told her to stay with me. Her excuse is she is afraid that her bf will start stuff at our house and I have children. She could get a home, but homes are outrageous now that insurance rates and prices have gone up so much since all the hurricanes hit she can only afford something that wouldn't hold all her pets.
Although she knows she has to leave him...he just went back on a 5 day binge of crack and I don't know what else...she won't leave where they live. I am so concerned about these people he has himself involved in, that I feel like she is risking her life staying with him. He already told her he has a "hit" on him. I don't know if it is a guilt trip or true.
I adore my sister and she is my best friend, but it is taking it's toll on me. I have another sister and we are in the process of relocating by next March. She seems interested, but I don't know if she'll follow through.
I know you aren't psychologists, but I believe other people's spiritual experiences help more sometimes than professional ones.
If anything, please pray for her...I don't know what I would do if she was hurt or worse. It would tear me up.
BTW....ironically, my sister is a professional who makes a nice salary, never has done drugs and unfortunately lives in a shack that is basically falling apart in front of our eyes. I know I can't force her to change, but any info and definitely prays would deeply be appreciated.
Thank you for your help
R-
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 9:14am

Of course, I remember you!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 10:14pm
Addiction is a family disease. alanon is a great palce for those affected who are not the drug users. Lots of education and support and free. There is nothing you can do to help except love them, pray and be there for them. They are on their own path also. Don't let his drug use get you down, it is his disease. it is my field of work. love, Leila
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Wed, 02-08-2006 - 5:59am
Thanks for your advice. I brought Alanon up to my sister and her bf's sister...my sister seems to still have a problem believing she is a co-dependent, but her bf's sister has gone through this with her dad, so I hope she will convince her because she thinks it is a good idea.
I care about her bf....known him for 17 years...but my main concern is my sister. If he wants to ruin his life, fine...but it really upsets me that he is bringing her down with him.
Like you said, I'll just keep praying and hoping...my uncle had a severe drug habit for 3/4 of his life...then gave it all up within a couple of months (of course it's not as easy as "just giving it up"), but he made it through.
Thanks for letting me vent!!!!
L & L
R-
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-08-2006 - 8:25am
the hard thing in loving people is that we have to let them follow their hearts, take care of their diseases. When they reach a point of, " I've had enough" maybe they will get help. Maybe there is some reading material you could just leave around or send to her. You can tell her you love her and that she can be happy no matter what he does, but it is up to her to find the way. You could pop into alanon too (:- ) Love, Leila
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Sat, 02-11-2006 - 10:11am
Thank you all for all your suggestions! I appreciate them...I am trying to not get too involved and let her sort everything out herself. The only thing that keeps dwelling on my mind is her being hurt or worse by these crackheads he associates with. I have read up about co-dependency and I know that I need to step back.
I just keep thinking..."Let go and let God"
Thanks again!
R-