What's my moral obligation?
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| Wed, 02-08-2006 - 12:27pm |
Hi everyone! This is my first time reaching out to anyone online. I have been doing research on the topic but cant find anything. I figured human input might be helpful. My husband's mother is in the hospital dying from being hit by a car over a month ago. The doctor told him over the weekend that she has a 15% chance of making it. His mother has a 14 year old son which is my husbands 1/2 brother. If his mom dies he wants to live with us. My husband and I have a 4 1/2 month old baby so this is where my dilema lies. I dont know if we should take him in and if my husband wants it no other way and I disagree should I leave? Now that I have a son and I feel like my full attention and responsibility should be on him. Having a teenage in the house will require alot of my attention, emotions, etc which means I will not be able to give my son all he needs, wants, requires, etc. My husbands mom has not been a good mom (child neglect, drug & alcohol abuse) so his 1/2 brother has had an unstable life and I can only imagine the death of his mother making things worse for him. I came from a decent family and my teenage days were so hard for me and my mom put alot of time in effort into being a good mother especially once I become a teenager and started to push myself away so I cant imagine how much effort it will take for me and my husband to take care of a teenager. What should I do? Doesnt my son deserve all my love and attention? Or am I morally responsible to take care of my husbands 1/2 brother??
I hope I have made sense b/c I feel so confused.

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Wow...what a choice you have there. After reading your posts, a thought came across my mind...You are so very troubled with the "what if I do's" of this strained situation, but have you really considered the "what if I don'ts" ?
There are so many reasons for why things come into our lives and why they don't. Some things we never want, and get. When we do have the chance to experience these things, we could never imagine our lives without them.
On the other hand, there are often things we want and when we do get them...we find we are disillusioned by what we thought we would feel by having these things.
I agree that this is something that must sit right in your heart. This young man obviously sees something in both you and your dh that moves him, lest he request to live with your family. He must see something in your heart that you aren't seeing.
Something to consider anyhow.
I pray that you and your dh find the right answer for you and your family. These things always work out one way or another. Peace to you!
V :)
Hi, Alwayz Smiln,
The dilemma that you and your husband face may be more of an ethical one, than a moral one; what you can do, rather than what you "should" do. Whatever you do, don't let others, your family, friends, or acquaintances "should you" on this very important, potentially life changing decision. Seek as much support as you can from the community. You may want to make an appointment with a counselor and lay everything out on the table. You are wise to consider every possibility, including the fact that this may not be the best decision for you, and your family.
Your husband's 14 year old half-brother will need *plenty* of unconditional love, and support, and if you think you can't provide that, it may be best for him to go elsewhere. In that case, allowing someone else to step in may be the best, and most loving thing you can do for him. If, on the other hand, you think you can open your heart wide ...
Also consider the possibility that there may be other options available. Maybe there's a way that you can be in your husband's half-brother's life, providing love and support, and share the responsibility of raising him with other friends, or family members? Think about whether this needs to be an "all or nothing" sort of arrangement.
How is your mother-in-law? Sending her positive thoughts, and healing vibes. And for you and your husband, and his half-brother too, that your joint decision will be best for everyone. Life is often far from perfect, and it can be messy, but nothing's wrong with aiming high, and hoping/praying for the very best outcome possible.
{{{{{Hugs}}}}}
Susan
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