Lessons from judgements......

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Lessons from judgements......
17
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 10:12pm

I learned to judge from an expert; my mother. I assess about every person and situation in a blink of the eye, without even knowing I have done it. It's basis never really came from arrogance (so I thought) but rather feelings of inferiority. It gave me a basis for how I should feel about myself at that moment, and how I could place myself in society. Little did I know at nearly 50 I would realize many of these judgments have come back to haunt me throughout my life. I have judged others in many ways, most I so much thought I was above. I have duplicated the behaviour in some way, much to my embarrassment, pain and chagrin. I do judge myself harshly, not just others. I wonder what lessons may still be out there for me.  It sure would be nice to be able to turn off the judge, but it seems as natural to me as breathing.


Has anyone realized they have done the same thing? How did you address changing your behaviour?


Ok, so I have to scratch at this and judge whether this dialog belongs here or not.... I know we all have defects and we grow and change as we mature, but I'd like to think that my awareness this happens has something to do with my spiritual growth and not just a coincidence.


Nancy

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
Sat, 03-04-2006 - 3:46pm


They are like random thoughts, out of context words. They are not directed toward anyone at all, even though they are words that are used to judge. That is why they upset me. I am not sure where they are coming from. That is why I connect them to anger.


This is from my last post. The one I used to try to clear up what I was saying from my first post.


The Anger is not towards others, Even though the words are judgmental. They stem from anger.


Why did you choose to take a portion of my first unclear post to represent what I am talking about, when by my own admission it was unclear!


Like I said if it was unclear that is fine and it seems that it was, and remains so!


Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself.


You may not be perfect, but you are all You've got to work with.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Sat, 03-04-2006 - 3:55pm

Not to worry...


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
Sat, 03-04-2006 - 8:56pm

Can you tell that Mercury is in retrograde! So, Maybe we all should cut back on the assumptions that we are making!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Sun, 03-05-2006 - 3:22am
Ooops, I'm sorry, Sophie, I was trying to make you feel better, and I failed miserably.
Please accept my apologies.
Peace,
Nikki
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
Sun, 03-05-2006 - 3:48pm


Apology Accepted. I should have known that if it was difficult for me to understand that it would be even more difficult to explain it to others. Sometimes I feel like I am possessed by some evil thing that is how foreign these words are and out of context to what I feel in my heart.


Anyway. I will not attempt to do that again.


Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself.


You may not be perfect, but you are all You've got to work with.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2006
Sun, 03-05-2006 - 4:02pm

You sound human to me. :) Your feelings are your feelings, and I think it's good to remember that your thoughts, and feelings are not the same as your behaviors. The three are connected, but understanding how they connect is key.

You mentioned how you occasionally run into frustration at work, get upset, and find yourself flooded with words that to you do not accurately represent your feelings on the matter. It happens, and it's OK. Whatever you do don't judge yourself harshly, or hold yourself to some unrealistic "spiritual" standard having to do with how you (and especially others in your life) think you need to be dealing with the situation. Sit with your feelings and let them flow, and recognize that you are healthier for feeling whatever it is that you are feeling, than you would be by pushing the energy down, and labeling it as "wrong" or "bad", or whatever other nutty messages we send each other about ourselves, and our humanity, at times. The fact that you contain the feelings, and don't go around spewing them, is a sign that you understand the differences between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Sometimes we do act out, and sometimes, depending on the circumstances, doing so is as necessary as it is human. Accepting your natural feelings is a good step toward understanding yourself, and others. Allowing yourself to "vent" your natural feelings, via talking, writing, exercise, or whatever other safe method that works for you is great, too.

And finally, where are the feelings, or words you think, sometimes, as a result of frustration or anger, coming from: They may be your emotional triggers. Sometimes people say or do things that push our buttons, or triggers that are tied to unresolved issues from past relationships, or circumstances. Writing your stuff down during these times can help you to make some connections, and help you to understand why you react in some of the ways that you do. We can all benefit from this work, so remember that you are not alone. We are all in the (humanity) boat, and no one gets out alive!

xxoox
Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 6:38am
I have gone through what you have...got it from my mom too.
A few years back, I had a nervous breakdown because I felt that if I didn't fit into everyone elses standards, I was inferior. But, I realized it was my low self esteem and inferiority that caused my problems.
I learned how to get over it to learn more about me...who I am and what I believe in. I realized everyone has their own choices and it is not me to judge their choices. If they treat me with respect, I do the same.
My mom and sister are still the same way they were before I went through all this, but I don't let it get to me. I don't get mad and if I feel I need to say something I do. I am considered the "wild one" in the family and I actually feel good about it. I am not the same as everyone else. Be yourself and don't worry about others and how they feel or what they do. It's a hard habit to break, but what got me through it is finding my own spiritual path, making my own decisions, lots of journaling and most of all meditation.
Love and Light,
R-

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