QotW-3/23- Forgiveness? What's that?
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QotW-3/23- Forgiveness? What's that?
| Thu, 03-23-2006 - 9:07am |
Have you ever had something terrible happen to you at the hands of someone else? Do you carry anger at your parents or siblings for childhood incidents? Has a friend betrayed you?
Forgive and forget? Forgive but don't forget? Forgive them, forgive yourself, receive forgiveness from someone else or your higher power? What is forgiveness?
Ponder, please and respond... I can hardly wait to see where this one goes!
Bink


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Accepting my part - that is my lesson.
I
Oh Honey, don't repress it!
But I am the one needing help right now.
I have a few tactics I use: first, I really concentrate on the mantra "don't take anything personally." (borrowed from the 4 agreements.) I do feel that when someone does something 'mean' it is due to an unhappiness with themselves. They are suffering, and trying to get rid of that hurt by projecting it outwards. It doesn't work, they still feel unhappy with themselves. Next, I ask God for help in seeing the situation differently. I tell him in detail how hurt I feel, get it all out, and ask for help. I don't know how this works, but it does for me. I feel a peace wash over me. Sometimes I will feel ok for a while, then need to repeat the process, maybe a few times. It's worth it, eventually I find closure and peace in the situation.
I think it is crucial to be honest with myself, not say, "oh, I should be over this by now." if I'm not over it, I don't allow myself to feel guilty about it, just have an attitude of "I need a little more work on this." I realize that I can't change anyone else, ever, all I can change is my own attitude.
First, I really concentrate on the mantra "don't take anything personally," (borrowed from the 4 agreements).
I also have read the book The Four Agreements and found it to be very interesting. When I first read the agreement that said do not take anything personally. I thought it was talking about negative comments. Then it dawned on me that it could also mean positive comments. I really started to examine this and found that I was addicted to compliments and when I did not get them, I would be unhappy. Like anger I had to find the root of this unhappiness and figure out why I felt this way. Then only after that discovery, did I realize just how significant that agreement was to my own happiness. I'm not sure where I read about anger and stepping back and looking at it as if it were an outside emotion separate from myself to logically understand it, but that also helped me understand my emotions.
Unlike you I usually vent to Ares the God of daily frustrations, but like you I always feel better after I vent to him, and he never gets upset if I swear, or use foul language.
Just to let you know I choose Yum just to see what It looks like. I, in no way thought your post sounded good enough to eat.
I won't take it personally that you didn't find my post good enough to eat,lol!
You know, I had never thought of taking that agreement (Don't take anything personally) as working for "positive" as well as "negative" input from others. Interesting!! But yes, I'm sure it has to work both ways. I think we would all like to take positive comments personally, and drop the negative!
Also, there are some comments that some people would take in a negative way, and others would take positively. I have a friend who swells with pride when people tell her she is very stubborn, yet others would take it negatively.
I guess the whole point in the 4 agreements imho,is the fact that any "judgement" we make of another- positive or negative- is really filtered through our own experiences and projections.
I love it when people get me to look at things in a new way, thank you!
Hugs, Nikki
(checking out what magic dust looks like in the emoticon)
I think we would all like to take positive comments personally, and drop the negative!
Not exactly what I meant, but that is all right. What I meant is that I take the agreement to mean NOT to take Any Thing personally. That means positive comments and negative comments. It is kind of like learning to love yourself for who you are and not by what others think of you. While positive comments are nice, they are not needed. In the book the author talks about how we all lie to ourselves, so how can we be honest with others. So, any, and I mean Any comments should be listened to but then not taken personally.
Positive comments can also lead to a down ward spiral and thus bring about unhappiness. Each can have an impact which I believe should be avoided. A little more difficult to grasp, but for me essential to and for my own well being.
Sophie
"I take the agreement to mean NOT to take Any Thing personally. That means positive comments and negative comments."
Think that's true, and exactly what I thought was intended by that "agreement", when I read Ruiz's book years ago. It's challenging, though, because we are human beings, and most human beings like compliments, and praise.
And people can become almost addicted to praise, or the "good stuff" that *seems* as if it's designed to help build confidence, and esteem. Some of that, say, in a familial, "mom and pop" way, is essential for a healthy development, and positive sense of self during key childhood years. But, for various, and often sad reasons, many never mature emotionally, and therefore learn to depend on others to "feed" their esteems, in a sort of co-dependent ring of "love". What happens to the addicted when the "love" stops?
Love needs to spring from within first, then ideally others add to those genuine 'living waters' within a balanced/healthy framework, and perspective. It's a process, though, and as such a really good thing to consider, and talk about with others, especially in terms of how the thinking relates to current/past relationships; what's working, what isn't; getting rid of the old, ineffective way(s); creating more of what's healthier, etc.
Thanks for the opportunity to share!
xxoox
Susan
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