Letting Go of Anger

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Letting Go of Anger
15
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 9:39am

This was in my inbox this morning from BeliefNet.  Fits perfectly with our forgiveness thread I think.  :-)


 






From "Positive Energy," by Judith Orloff, M.D.:

Anger, an intense sense of displeasure and antagonism, comes from the Latin angere, “to strangle.” We get angry at those who’ve harmed us, aggravated us, or let us down. We get angry at ourselves. At God. Growing up, I was angry about being stuck on Earth; I felt like an alien, just longed to go “home.” Sometimes anger becomes a mask for fear or hurt; it also leads to resentments, which I’ll discuss later. Anger is human, we all have it. In this program you’ll learn to identify it and healthily release it, then keep moving on. Anger is a toxic subtle energy. Seething in your system, it can eat you alive, or else dangerously erupt. Keep in mind: Those painfully polite churchgoing housewives turned ax murderers snapped from repressing anger, not from consciously expressing it.
















Make changes now to disfuse anger that throws you off by following the 48-hour rule

1. Quickly identify your source of anger. Impulsive, unconscious anger is the dangerous kind—it can hurt us, others, even break windows. To avoid unhappy repercussions, when anger hits, slow down your reaction. Immediately identify the cause, but don’t go on the attack.

2. Give yourself permission to rant for 48 hours max. The worst thing you can do is squash anger: trying to contain this energy bomb will only explode your insides or cause you to passive-aggressively act it out. But now is not the time to confront the offender. For 48 hours, let lose and rail about the object of your anger by yourself, or with a therapist or friend. Doing so begins your healing by diffusing negative energy.

3. After 48 hours, start letting anger go. This means getting out of your ego (even if you’re “right”) and into self-preservation. Releasing anger is a process, but you can start now. I recommend writing in your journal to vent all the venom. Or keep praying to have it removed. Breather your anger out of the emotional energy center in the solar plexus; make sure it doesn’t congeal. Take a few moments periodically to breathe calm in, and expel the toxicity of anger.

4. Express your anger to the offender. First, take a measure of the situation. If the person is nonreceptive, vindictive, or there’s no positive gain (say with a tyrant boss), it may not be appropriate to express your anger directly. Instead use the above steps or minimize contact. If you think the person may be receptive, remember the goal is not to eviscerate him or her, but to get your point across and be heard...The offender may want to resolve differences or apologize. If not, don’t fuel antagonism or engage in a power struggle. Stay firm and centered in the knowledge that you’ve expressed your truth. You might say, “I respect your feelings, but we have to agree to disagree. I’m sorry we can’t resolve this right now.”

http://www.beliefnet.com/story/176/story_17679_1.html?WT.mc_id=NL54

 










 
 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 8:15pm

Thanks, Jodi!! This is most excellent!

Bren

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 9:00pm

Oh, that's good.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2006
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 2:17pm

Not a proponent of praying the anger/feelings away, mainly because I think the idea that God, or someone else "fixing" mine, or another's problem is not the best solution; it's too passive for me.

On the other hand, I really like the "two-day rule" advice. Allowing our self, and one another to feel emotions is very important, rather than succumbing to more of the repression/suppresion that goes on today all around us. (sadly)

I counsel abused women, and teens, and one thing we recommend in terms of "therapy" is getting plenty of exercise. Most of the women who walk through our door cannot afford gym time, so we recommend that they find a place to "walk it off". There's usually an outdoor track near, or close to most neighborhoods, if the neighborhood itself is not walker friendly. Physical activity is one way to help alleviate anger, and/or stress of all kinds, and it's often underrated due to the general sedentariness of our society/culture. Visual release, or working it through visually/mentally during the walk can be helpful, also.

Thanks for posting the article!

xxoox
Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 5:54pm

Physical activity is one way to help alleviate anger, and/or stress of all kinds,


I so agree!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 6:00pm

Any suggestions for someone with exertion induced asthma?


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2006
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 9:21pm

I've found that writing a letter (*~*totally uncensored!!!!*~*) and then VERY diliberatly (ritualistically even) tearing the letter, burning it, and *releasing* that negative energy out into the sunlight to be absorbed by Light is unbeleivably helpful! (I was a skeptic when I tried this for the first time because I had sooooo much pent up anger, hate even, towards a particular person I thought there was no way I could get it all out in one day ~~~~ I was amazed at how purifying writing all my *gunk* & then burning that letter felt!)

Blessings, "M"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 9:22am

1. Quickly identify your source of anger. Impulsive, unconscious anger is the dangerous kind—it can hurt us, others, even break windows. To avoid unhappy repercussions, when anger hits, slow down your reaction. Immediately identify the cause, but don't go on the attack.

I have learned a way to help me with my anger and the fist step also is to identify the source of my anger. To step back and try to understand why I am angry. This was difficult for me to do, but when I did I could then go on and work on the reasons I was becoming angry. I have found that although I still get angry, I let go faster and as a result am happier most of the time.

2. Give yourself permission to rant for 48 hours max. The worst thing you can do is squash anger: trying to contain this energy bomb will only explode your insides or cause you to passive-aggressively act it out. But now is not the time to confront the offender. For 48 hours, let lose and rail about the object of your anger by yourself, or with a therapist or friend. Doing so begins your healing by diffusing negative energy.

While I don't believe in holding in anger, or squashing it, I believe that ranting can be dangerous if it gets out of hand. You can take a small offense and make a mountain out of a molehill. And as a result go out and really hurt someone. To me there is a difference between talking about your feelings and ranting about them.

3. After 48 hours, start letting anger go. This means getting out of your ego (even if you're “right”) and into self-preservation. Releasing anger is a process, but you can start now. I recommend writing in your journal to vent all the venom. Or keep praying to have it removed. Breather your anger out of the emotional energy center in the solar plexus; make sure it doesn’t congeal. Take a few moments periodically to breathe calm in, and expel the toxicity of anger.

A lot of times I hear let go of anger. What is that all about? It is easy to say let go, but how do you let go, and why doesn't anyone tell you how to do that. In the above passage it gave a few examples of how to let go of anger, and I have tried them all. None of them worked for me, because I still did not understand why I was angry and I was looking at the other person as the reason, and why I was angry. Not until I started to look at myself was I able to let go of anger.
Example:
My ex supervisor wrote me up for a bunch of lies. One thing was for a no show, no call absenteeism. I brought in a Doctor's excuse and the Human relations person made a copy of it. Still have the original. I was so angry. It was because I felt wronged, insignificant, and believed that they thought I was stupid, or paranoid. Hey, I am not stupid, or paranoid. I cannot be responsible for the actions of others and their actions will only end up hurting themselves. I love myself and the truth will be with me no matter what anyone says, or does. guess what, the anger left me and was replaced by my love for myself and my belief that the truth will be my saving grace.

4. Express your anger to the offender. First, take a measure of the situation. If the person is nonreceptive, vindictive, or there's no positive gain (say with a tyrant boss), it may not be appropriate to express your anger directly. Instead use the above steps or minimize contact. If you think the person may be receptive, remember the goal is not to eviscerate him or her, but to get your point across and be heard...The offender may want to resolve differences or apologize. If not, don't fuel antagonism or engage in a power struggle. Stay firm and centered in the knowledge that you've expressed your truth. You might say, “I respect your feelings, but we have to agree to disagree. I'm sorry we can't resolve this right now.”

Some times, talking to the other person will bridge gaps and bring people together and like it said there may be some people that you just can't talk to. One thing that has helped me with talking things over about angry feelings is to think first about my motives in discussing it. Do, I have a sincere desire to resolve the issue, or do I just want to hurt the other person?

Life is too short to be angry for long periods of time. And resentment only hurts the person who is holding on to past hurts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 12:13pm

Well, well, well...


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 12:29pm
Hi, Bink,
I have 2 suggestions, I have asthma too, but love working out. First, yoga is a huge help for both anger and asthma, concentrating on your breathing while stretching into different poses really, really works.
Second, Omega 3 fatty acids found in fish oil have an amazing effect on exercise induced asthma!!! It's documented by "real scientists" - I take 2 capsules a day and eat salmon at least once a week.
Good luck, sister, I feel for you!
Hugs, Nikki
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 1:01pm

Bink, that's so great that everything is clicking into place for you!

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