The Occasional Agnostic?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2006
The Occasional Agnostic?
2
Sun, 04-23-2006 - 12:01pm

I've been friends with a guy for about 4 months now. Even though we only occasionally go out to dinner or movies, it seems we have become rather close. Last week after sharing dinner we were walking around looking for ice cream and suddenly he turned to me and asked me, "Do you believe in God?"

Me: "Yes, but in an atypical way. I don't go to church or anything. I know that you don't believe in God." (having secretly read his current dating profile in which he states he is an agnostic and religion plays no role in his daily life).
Him: (totally offended) "Why do you think that???"
Me: "Because why else would you just ask like that??"
Him: "I ask my other friends and they don't assume that. Hmm. I thought you questioned God's existence."
Me: "Well? Do you believe in God?"
Him: "Forget it, I'm not telling you now!" (pouts)
Me: (not giving up) "Do you feel like it has to be proven or something?"
Him: "No, not at all. I prayed a long time ago..."
Me: "And, did you feel like you were praying to anyone?"
Him: "Well, at the time I did, but I'm not so sure now."
Me: "Does that bother you, not knowing?"
Him: "No."
*Long pause*
Me: "Maybe we should try 34th Street for ice cream, nothing around here."

And the conversation turned back to the matter at hand, ice cream. What is this about, I wonder? Why so offended if he hasn't got religion and doesn't care?

Agnosticism and atheism are pervasive among my friends, and it doesn't bother me that I'm not the same. None of us goes to church. Nobody prays, probably, except me; however, we don't go around talking about God (or lack thereof). At least I don't, because of the personal nature, because I'm not out to convert anyone, because values in others are more important to me than religious practice.

This agnostic option people are taking is more than confusing. Some choose this option b/c "atheist" sounds too militant, while others are vehemently defending their option to have a God, I guess like some people keep a fire extinguisher around, "just in case"; and some Jewish guys use the agnostic option b/c they aren't looking for wife material at the mo.

Looking to an online encyclopedia for clarification, I was even more confused, since there are as many types of agnostics as there are religions. However, the online definitions sound like well-thought out philosophies, while most agnostics I actually know seem so by default. Even looking at the dictionary definition, (agnostic = God's existence can't be proven either way), it seems like nothing to get your bonnet in a bunch about. Have any wars been fought over agnosticism?

I feel like I owe this guy an apology; however, I'm a little miffed he assumed I was agnostic like him!! (I'm kidding, but, I would have every right to be.) Any thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-23-2006 - 1:43pm

Just a thought, maybe he's recently begun leaning toward the 'there is a God' end of the agnostic spectrum and sees something in you he can learn from.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2006
Sun, 04-23-2006 - 2:56pm

This is going to sound weird, but I actually like the differences, and I really like playing devil's advocate (no pun intended), and debating with friends. One guy I dated I spoke to extensively about God, and we never agreed on anything, and everything was cool. He was an Ivy League-trained philosopher and self-proclaimed atheist (and his Dad and sister were too!!) and as you can imagine, we butted heads more than once, but it never interfered with our relationship one bit. He was used to debating too and liked it.

Which is one of the reasons I felt totally comfortable pointing out the potential difference between me and this current friend of mine. We agree on so many other things and we really are quite similar in many ways, so I feel I guess like there is enough similar ground that the differences actually make things more interesting. I was totally not expecting to upset him, and I feel kind of bad.

It is possible that he's searching...I mean it sounds like he surveying all his friends, anyway. But I cringe at the thought of doing anything more than just setting a good example as a person.

Thanks for your insights.