please help.DH may have long lost child

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2003
please help.DH may have long lost child
4
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 4:25pm

Hi,

I'm a lurker seeking some advice.DH recently found out that he may be the father of a 17 year old kid.This happened before we were together. She was raised by a mother and a father and he had no knowledge of her.We have a toddler together.I'm just scared of how this will all play out. I guess he wouldn't have a full father role to her but this is unexpected and hard. For some reason this is devasating to me.Because of this and other reasos I think I am being led in a new direction spiritually. My way I have been living my life has been spiritually stifling. I feel so lost and alone. I've been trying to reclaim my spiritual self but it's so hard. Any advice?
Kelly

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 5:39pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 10:09pm
Tell us more, what are your fears? If it is true, maybe there is another person to love and get love back from? maybe you can add to someone's life. There is info lacking altho I can understand your concerns. be open, it somehow will work out OK. Love, leila
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2003
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 10:21pm

Hello. Yes DH will have to get a test. A lot of my fear has to do with worries that DH's relationship with this girl will change his relationship with me, his wife, and his daughter.I'm scared that he will love this girl as much as his daughter.OUr daughter together will always have a special place in my heart that noone else can match.I think it would be hard for him to love this other girl as much as our child together.And I guess I feel he won't love me as much either.I'm closer to DH and our child and I don't see how I can feel instant love for this girl.Maybe in time a relationship will develop.

And even though this all happened before we met, I am embarassed and ashamed.

I used to be so into my spiritual life but I suppose in the last 10-15 years I lost contact with it.I mean I still connected some but I feel like I no longer kept on the path. I don't know why I did because I felt it was important.Maybe I became skeptical.I really don't know.There have been some other bad things happening in my life now that makes me think I should refocus my life.Looking back, I haven't been as happy as I thought I was.
Thanks for listening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2003
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 6:16am
I forgot to add that I'm also scared of the financial ramifications of all of this.
Kelly