Why? Because...
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| Mon, 05-22-2006 - 10:56pm |
http://www.witchvox.com/va/dt_va.html?a=usnm&c=words&id=10771
"Why? Because...
Author: Rhizu
Posted: May 21st. 2006
For me, one of the biggest challenges in living an authentic life is explaining to people the inexplicable. For the most part, my friends and family are “Oh, that’s just who she is†about my beliefs. But every now and then, there’s that damning question, whether or not it’s meant to be a condemnation. “Why? Why do you believe what you do?†“Because…†Sound familiar?
When the question is presented, I feel almost like a parent trying to explain something to a 3-year-old. That is not to say that I feel superior, or wiser, or more enlightened than the questioner. I know the answer; I just don’t think I have the patience to go into it all with someone who wants “proof†in 30 words or less. (Oddly enough, I’ve never had the urge to ask anyone to defend their beliefs and provide proof of said belief.) The person may be asking out of genuine interest or curiosity, and to my own discredit, I feel challenged. I know there is a lot of curiosity about Wicca, and I appreciate those who really want knowledge about the beliefs. The few who are just looking for some validation of their lewd preconceptions do not get a lot of my time or attention. I feel very sad that I get defensive because of those few uneducated people.
When I am living my Pagan life, I feel alive. I am challenged to explore and think and experience for myself the amazing opportunities around me. Invoking the Goddess is more than just a prayer; it’s becoming part of the whole. I feel the intense link between myself and the whole of creation. I never got the same sense of wholeness in any church or cathedral that I get when I cast a circle. The difference in me, my perceptions and actions when I am living with the courage of conviction is the difference between what’s right for me and what’s wrong for me. When I practice, that’s when I am most aware of the wonder, and I feel most connected to the universe. That, to me, is the entire reason to believe anything.
I value the ability not to worship in a dogmatic way, to be more spontaneous with my interaction with the Divine. I know, it’s possible to be Christian or Muslim or Buddhist and be spontaneous… From my personal observations, it just doesn’t happen that often. I don’t need a specific site, time or ritual to be aware of what’s going on around me or to give thanks for it. I don’t need or want a mediator to translate between myself and the sacred."
(essay continues...)
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So, in the final words of the essay, "So, when someone asks me “Why?†I respond with “It’s who I amâ€. So, o.k. :P Why do YOU believe as you do?" I'm not looking for links, quotes from sacred texts or dogma quotes. What I'm really looking for is a more personal answer. Deep down, WHY do you believe what you do? What makes it right for you? How does your philsophy or belief system make your life right and balanced and well focused with integrity? How does it empower you? ;))
(I posted this as a change of pace on the Religion Debate board, and someone suggested we might find it worth a discussion here, also. So here it is!) :P
Gypsy

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Thanks, Gypsy.
Thank you for sharing this Gypsy!
"WHY do you believe what you do? What makes it right for you? How does your philosophy or belief system make your life right and balanced and well focused with integrity? How does it empower you? "
Now to answer my own questions. :D
My life has been a spiritual journey from the very beginning. I grew up a "cradle Catholic." Very faithful family, and all extended family members, to our religion. Regular Sunday and Holy Day of Obligation attendance. No meat on Fridays (year-round when I was a child, before Vatican II). It was a "culture" as well as a religion, and wrapped me in a safe cocoon of belonging. My grandmother taught me about being at peace in Nature. Observing the animals and the plants, being aware of and appreciating the changing of the seasons. Her practical nature also recognized the need for beauty and so she planted not only loads of veggies and had an apple tree and a grape arbor, canned and pickled her produce. She also grew an equal amount of flowers because she said beauty was as important as the practical. I think the beauty of her flowers let her spirit soar. I learned that on a hot summer afternoon, sitting inside a hedge, and listening to the sleepy chatter of the birds, the rustlings of the squirrels, the quiet murmurings of a breeze in the trees and bushes, there was a special quiet time that nurtured me INSIDE, in my spirit. That was probably my first connection to the Goddess. Of course, I didn't know of her. I *did* know of Mary, Jesus' mother, though. So perhaps in my childhood religion, the Goddess WAS there, if with a different "identity."
Once I grew up, I began to see that I had some problems with the church's attitudes and teachings. About birth control. About women's roles in the Church. As a young teen I was actually all set to want to enter a convent, to become a Franciscan nun (the order of the nuns at the elementary parochial school I attended for a few years). I knelt in prayer until my knees hurt. I prayed to serve God. At 16 I asked my dad if he would sign papers to allow me to become a Postulant. He said no. He said he wanted me to finish high school and to go to college first. Then, if my vocation was true, that would be the time. I was NOT happy with his answer, but in retrospect I have come to know that he knew me better than myself. In my desire to be special, to have an identity of my own, I was rushing into something I really didn't understand beyond my capacity. Living in a convent would be "safe." I wouldn't have to worry about what boys thought of me (I was tall, wore glasses, etc.). I could run away from all the decisions and choices, and let the nuns make those choices for me. My dad understood this and knew that would be the wrong reason for me to join a religious order.
By the time I was halfway through college (still attending church with my parents, living at home) I began to read and study world religions. I learned a little about the Hindu beliefs in a course by a teacher from India. I learned about Buddhism a little. I learned from my evangelical high school friend, about a different version of Christianity. I realized running in FEAR to a convent was not the answer. It wasn't supposed to be like that. As I finished college, I chose to make a definitive break with my childhood religion, because I knew "God" was demanding more study and thought from me. So, as I began to work full-time, I began to buy books. All kinds of spiritual books. I learned about meditation. I learned about other philosophies and approaches to life. I read Ayn Rand. ;)) I read about Gestalt. I read about TM. I checked out some of the communes and ashrams and so on.
I tried other sects of Christianity. Again finding similar wrongness, IMO, about women's roles and control of their own reproductive choices. I couldn't follow a God that looked at gender as a "separate but equal" concept. I could see in the Civil Rights movements, that this was bunk and really discriminatory, underneath. Just pretty words. Same bias underneath. I learned that women should have many opportunities, many choices. And that these choices were not either/or, but could be "and." I spent a few years as a member of a Zen Buddhist temple. I learned meditation. I learned about the flow of life. I learned about Tao and the symbol of the Circle, the combination of light and dark that we all are. That male/female intertwined, sharing equally in the journey, leadership, follow-ship, what have you, was the real answer. Not patriarchy. Not matriarchy. Neither and both. I left Zen behind because in the version I was studying, it was very male dominated. I knew the answer to feminine sacredness wasn't there, either.
So I kept meditating on my own. Even tried going back to the Catholic Church for a year or two. Same problems. Same disillusionment. Couldn't stay. Then I heard something new was happening. There were "Goddess Circles" and women coming together to talk about spiritual power and the Sacred Feminine. My daughter came asking questions about the Goddess. We bought books. We studied. We talked to other women. We found finally a balance, a way of relating to the Sacred that was demanding, yet fulfilling, loving, not judging. We judge ourselves. Karma holds us accountable. Reincarnation is our classroom to evolve to the fullness of who we were created to become.
My current path is a solitary one. I have done the "groupie" thing. And sometimes I seek others to worship the Goddess with for a Sabbat or a Full Moon. Mostly I prefer my own solitary spiritual mystic path. I hold myself accountable, I strive to work through the challenges of living "harm none" and not accumulating difficult Karma I will have to work through later, in this life or another. :P I feel the presence of the Goddess and God, I open myself to the guidance that is always there, if I am quiet and ready to listen. Revelation. Awareness. Prayer. Magic. As little daily choices come up, I try to see them in an "awakened" fashion, of their ramifications to my spirit and my journey. Do the choices serve me well? Do they serve my Goddess and God well? Life and spirit are in the details, after all. :D
My journey isn't settled. I am not "home." I am just here, just living day by day, moment by moment, challenge by challenge, choice by choice. I don't think my current definition of a spiritual "home" is any more accurate than another's. I think we are all spokes of a wheel, with the center being the Divine. We name it, we worship a certain way, we set up and write sacred texts and create guidelines and dogma that we think we need to connect with the Divine. Our spiritual wheel rotates, takes on one religion or view and then another, in different cultures, times in history. I see it as an evolutionary process and that we choose our tools as our spirit matures and moves forward, our yearning for the Divine and being one with whatever that is. Maybe we are only "one" at death, as our bodies return to the Earth to nurture other physical life. Maybe death is a "doorway" not to be feared but greeted with joyful expectation. I think none of anyone's "answers" are the whole of it. I do believe we are all doing the best we can, with the answers and understanding we have. I do believe that we should treat each other gently and lovingly and supportively as our journeys connect and disconnect with each other. To give each of us the respect we deserve along the way.
My life is pretty balanced given the choices I have made so far. I am facing "old age and death" as my Zen readings describe it. Many years ago, of course I thought I'd live forever. ;)) Now I know that is not true. My body tells me so. My spirit tells me so. My work here in this lifetime will come to an end, not a full conclusion of my entire journey, but a return to spirit for a respite before taking up the burden again of evolution and reincarnation, to continue the work. It will take as long as it takes. Each lifetime teaching me more about this sacred being that I am now and am becoming.
My path has taught me much about trusting my inner wisdom, my intuition, that guiding voice within, that connects me with my Goddess and God, the Divine. In the struggles over the years, I have gained strength to walk my own path, to push the spiritual envelope of awareness, to trust the journey and its purpose.
I like to take a look back from where I've come, and look forward to where I'm going, like in this little exercise here and now. But I know the only time I really have, the only understanding and possibility, is right here, right now.
WHOOPS! The possibilities have change again! LOL! :D That moment is gone. New moments are here now. That spiritual river within is flowing and I must flow with it...
Gypsy
Blessings,
Gypsy
)O(
Coming from an evangelical background, while I felt full of the Holy Spirit and joyful sometimes, I was also scared to death of the devil. The church taught me I had to be ever vigilant about my thoughts, that he was lurking ready to pounce and turn me to the dark side at any moment. I was terrified. Also, I am somewhat intuitive, and was told this was the devil's work.So, at 19 I went searching.
I found Edgar Cacye, and read the primer, which taught that we are all a part of a loving God, that there is no devil, that God, being love always creates love. I felt a release and freedom and peace I never felt before. The path led me to the other teachings I outlined before, ACIM, 4 agreements, etc., and have evolved my own belief that love and forgiveness are ultimately important, that we are eternally ok, and that all of us will end up with God in the end. It may take many lifetimes.
So- why I believe this way- I am a better person for it. I am more compassionate, laugh more, worry less, and feel even closer to God and Jesus, communicate with him often (talk to and listen to him) and feel that joy even more than before. I also have come to realize that every path leads to the same place, to love, and I respect other's paths. So, it has increased my tolerance, and no longer have the need to "save others" that I was pushed to do in the evangelical church. I have peace, most of the time. I feel like I am dancing through life, fairly worry free. Oh, yes, I certainly have my 'moments', but they are farther and fewer between.
Blessings,
Nikki
Edited 5/23/2006 4:26 pm ET by nikki940
I don't see myself as leading a particularly "spiritual life" but I know exactly hwat the essayist meant about trying to asnwer "why" questions when one isn't really sure one wants to HEAR the asnwer...
*I* get them all the time about what it was like to live overseas --- and I've gotten to the point that I rarely even try to asnwer them any more with more than a brief, meaningless answer becasue I can already see the interest fade behind the eyes before I even begin!
As for my beielfe system, I tend to follow that espoused by my Dad: I believe in genetics and that what is good about me would be in my contribution to the gene pool (that is, it would have been had I had children). Meanwhile, I try to live by the Hippocratic principle of "do no harm"...
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For me (I am atheist), nothing else made any sense.
Wow.
and I find meaning in life by making meaning in my life.
An important lesson that many organized religions don't teach: it must come from within.
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