QotW - 6/8 - An empty place
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| Thu, 06-08-2006 - 11:38am |
Over the Memorial Day holiday, my family gathered in my father's hometown to celebrate his life and inter his ashes in his parents family plot. We had a wonderful time, good weather, good fellowship with re-acquainted cousins, aunts and the only remaining uncle. The drive was pleasant through the Pennsylvania mountains; everything went smoothly. We all felt a sense of closure and the need to move on.
All that said, I have been surprised to have this "closure" accompanied by a deep sense of loss for my father that I did not feel during the 90 days since his death. It's almost as if it never sank in until now. My mother was married to him for 67 years. I cannot fathom the depths of loneliness she must be feeling. It becomes very clear why surviving spouses often pass soon after their loved one. (Though I really don't think that will happen in her case, she is almost 90 yrs old....)
So, my friends, has anyone felt this before? Where does your strength come from to deal with the empty place that death or loss of a loved one, be it family, friend or beloved pet, leaves in your heart? Does your faith carry you? Pastors? Counselors? Friends?
I found I was not sharing it with anyone which I thought might not be healthy, hence this Question of the Week. I look forward to your ponderings.
Bink


As I said in another post, I just lost my mother. Primarily, my new husband has been my biggest source of strength. I have also found it from friends, and the bereavement board on ivillage. Things are working out, I am coping fine.
Express.
Beth "Petrouchka"
So, my friends, has anyone felt this before?
{{{{hugs}}}} to you ~ sounds as though you are doing well w/ this.
Loss is never easy. Personally I think a lot of how someone "deals" with loss depends on *many* factors, that's why each experience is so unique and why (IMHO) there's no "right" way to go about it. Much depends on factors such as: each person's individual make-up, the relationship held, and whether or not the death was sudden or came at the close of a long life well lived, etc . . .
My father died in '93 and my mother in '95 ~ neither was "old" (early 70's) but both had been ill for quite some time. While, as I've said, loss is never easy, both of my parents were "tired" of fighting their ailments. My faith did help me a lot, I believed that they'd moved on to a better place. I, also, poured myself into reading, I found great solace in that.
However, when my sister died in '01 ~ it was unexpected, she was not old, she had a very loving husband and 2 children . . . she had been my best friend along w/ being my sister, and mentor . . . . her death rattled my Faith completely (I was angry and depressed for a very long time) . . . and I still feel a *hole* w/in me. This experience has made me realize that some things we will never *understand*, but we need to learn to accept them anyway (or drive ourselves insane). Through this I've had to learn to Trust that which I call Devine ~ it has not been any easy journey for me since this also came about at a time in my life when my Trust in others had been completely shattered. But I'm *journeying* and sometimes that's all we can do.
Much Love and Many Blessings of Peace to you as you Journey, "M"
My dad passed away 2 years ago, and yes, very similarly, it didn't sink in for several months. At first, (and once in a while now too) I had encounters with his spirit, so the knowledge that he was ok first-hand filled me with love and peace. Busy days dealing with arrangements afterwards also kept me occupied, and getting my mom set up ok as well.
I was fully aware that he had passed, but what hit me at the 3 month point was that I would never see him physically again, never get a hug, see his smile. That is what took time to get over. When those pangs hit, and they still do once in a while, in fact I am getting teary right now, it is just the knowledge that this separation is very temporary that helps me feel happy again, and knowing that he feels so happy and free now.
Sending you peace and comfort, dear.
Hugs, Nikki
I've mulled this over as I've read through this thread all week, and I really can't say I relate.