Some rambling thoughts...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Some rambling thoughts...
14
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 3:26pm

It's been a difficult winter for me spiritually; I've been spending a lot of time going within, really questioning myself, and not finding many answers.  So I thought I'd share a bit of where I'm at lately...


Ever since The DaVinci Code came out, I've found myself fascinated with religious history.  I can't seem to get enough of that whole genre of books, both fiction and non-fiction.  More and more though, I've found myself unsettled, questioning everything including the nature and existance of 'God.'  I was shocked a few weeks ago to realize I'm not even sure anymore whether I believe there is a God.  And as I thought more about it, it dawned on me that what I was really looking for was comfort.  I wanted there to be a God because I don't like the idea that I'm alone, with no one watching out for me. 


Then the other day I read a passage in Simple Abundance about blessing your circumstances.  No matter how down and out things appear to be, bless them and see the good.  That threw me.  My entire faith is completely shattered and I'm supposed to bless that?  How???  It took a couple days, but then it dawned on me that I'm right in the position of early man as they developed their own concepts of Divinity and built religions from scratch.  That was a pretty heady idea for me.


So anyway, I'm kind of grasping for some sort of handhold at this point, and the only thing I'm really solidly sure about is the passage of time, the continuation of life itself.  And if that's all I've got, I'd best find a way to celebrate and honor it. 


 






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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Sun, 01-28-2007 - 10:59am

The fact that you are thinking and asking the questions is vital to the evolution of your thinking.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-28-2007 - 11:38am

I was very much ready to just give up until a recent conversation with a dear friend who put it this way:

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2001
Sun, 01-28-2007 - 12:32pm

"And if that's all I've got, I'd best find a way to celebrate and honor it. "

I think "celebrate and honor it" is also why religions and spiritual traditions were developed. The need for comfort and making sense of all the seeming inexplicable things that happen in life makes us look for something "more." Something I learned from my Zen years, "No matter where you go, there you are." ;)) You, yourself, is where you are. Stay with that. Respect your journey. See what there is to see. Hear what there is to hear. Etc.

I have had feast and famine along my journey in this lifetime, even when not leaving the spiritual path I was on at the time. I think we need the famine as well as the feast, in order to awaken and understand and move forward. Like your friend's story of being lost in the forest. One step in front of the other, keep walking, keep being aware, and just be in the present moment. I have a hard time with patience and not feeling I need to take action of some kind, of *any* kind, or else I am doing something wrong. Zen taught me that's not true. It is in the quiet sitting by the stream and understanding the flow, that wisdom and understanding come.

Sometimes I have to empty myself of everyone else's words whirling around in my head and heart, trying to define who I am, what I am, where I'm going, who I should "be" or what my true purpose is. That's all cacophony to my spirit, which cannot get a word in edgewise. Other's words can help by being a red flag, that I need to sit quietly and listen.

I'm just rambling, too. Thank you for the opportunity to share, and for sharing your journey with me, too. :)

Hugs,
Gypsy
)O(



Blessings,

Gypsy

)O(



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-28-2007 - 1:45pm

It is in the quiet sitting by the stream and understanding the flow, that wisdom and understanding come.


That's pretty much what my friend said too... stop running around frantically and just look for a while.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2006
Sun, 01-28-2007 - 9:18pm

>>I was shocked a few weeks ago to realize I'm not even sure anymore whether I believe

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 12:35am
How is Simple Abundance?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2006
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 8:42am
I think SA is very uplifting and gives me lots to think about.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 9:06am
Thanks, will order it off of Amazon!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 11:11am

I love Simple Abundance!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 5:45pm

There must be something in the air this winter sister!!! I spent one entire day just thinking 'what if everything I've ever been told and everything I've ever believed is wrong?' And I'm not a patient person either and I want answers NOW!!! I tossed everything out and started from scratch searching and thinking ... and struggling ... and have been frustrated.

For me it's science and history that fascinate me. I can't get enough and my dad still always tells me that with science humans don't need gods. I always have his voice in the back of my head saying that science has taken the mystery out of life but with my new thinking ... what if that's wrong? We can go to the store and buy carbon and nitrogen salt and water and all the ingredients that are in a life form and we can mix it all together ... we can stir it, change the temp., the pressure, bombard it with radiation but we can't make life. What's missing?

Then a couple of things happened for me ... first I listened to the audio book "The Fabric of the Cosmos" by Brian Greene. He's quite an amazing physicist and the good news about that is that he was talking so much over my head that I had plenty of time for my mind to just wander around and try to grasp stuff. Trying to grasp the idea of something (space-time) that we can't see but is like an invisible fabric that touches and connects everything ... forces bend and shape it ... it's too much for me to wrap my brain around but it's something I've always thought of as spiritual ... like 'the force' in Star Wars. Science is still mystery and the more we discover the more mysterious everything is. Even with a theory of everything, it's still magical!

Then I listened to Deepak Chopra's "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success." Deepak Chopra said something so profound for me. I'll try not to butcher the explanation too bad ... he talks about the law of detachment and he talks about the greatest gift is the unknown. When you feel secure you are tied to the past and not open to all the vast knowledge and excitement of finding your own way. He says that people need to find a way to enjoy not knowing and not being tied to an outcome ... not trying to force and outcome but keep an open mind. That's when truly amazing things happen. I wish I could do his explanation justice, he is brilliant!

It's so much to go into ... the science, the spiritual books, the history books ... for the first time in my life I feel like I've found my path. I don't have the answers, I don't know what it means to be on this path yet but I do know it feels right and I'm discovering where I'm supposed to be. And I'm really enjoying not having any goals or expectations or any idea what's going on.

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