How to Forgive when you're Still Angry?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
How to Forgive when you're Still Angry?
4
Sun, 05-06-2007 - 6:31pm
I have been spending a lot of time thinking, and journaling. I have come to the conclusion that a huge obstacle to my peace of mind and happiness, is my inability to forgive. Now there is a lot in my life I have forgiven but there is one huge ELEPHANT of an issue over the last couple of years that I have truly struggled with.
My hubby's ex-family. The ex-family uses the children as means to hurt him and has also had a big problem with stalking me and the child we share together.
Much has been said on their part, and though most of it is NOT about me, I find myself completely consumed of anger and hostility about the situation as a whole (the damage to the children, and to my husband's manhood).
I realize finally that the only way I will finally feel peace and finally stop thinking about it and stressing about it day in and day out, is to let it go.
As part of my attempt to do this, I have completely removed myself from the situation. My husband's ex-family is his responsibility and his ONLY. I no longer worry about when he is going to see the children, and when he isnt, or what new drama they are starting (generally brainwashing antics). I have asked that he not tell me about the nastyness of that whole situation unless it directly affects OUR famliy. I don't even think about the children anymore or how they are dealing (please, dont think that is cold, it is just something I have no control over so I cannot worry about it).
But my question is, once I have done this, what else can I do to truly forgive them and let it go? How does one forgive the hurt, and stress caused by a person that STILL is consistantly stalking them online and gathering information about their children? Its very important to me that this happens (as its becoming an invasive part of my relationships), and though I have considered counseling (and I have been reading some Christian Books on the topic "The Porcupine People" and "When You Can't Forgive.") but would rather try to do this without the huge blow to our finances. I feel that this issue is rooted in my spirituality more than in the other forums on here so that is why I posted in here.
Thanks in advance for any help offered!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003

Welcome, instinctual_mother.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2001

Sending you supportive energy. This sounds so hard! A very tough challenge. Welcome to the board, also! :)

I think our spiritual paths can give us the rootedness and strength to withstand the horrid things people are capable of doing to us, and/or to those we love. I agree with you, that you need to separate yourself from the issues, and let it go. They are not *your* issues and you cannot resolve them. Only the participants can do so. Forgiving can be hard to do, and to sustain. Forgetting for me, does not happen, but I have learned to put the memories in the background and let them go as much as I can, because each and every time I go over those memories in my mind, I re-injury myself, harm myself again. It's like, by hanging on to these memories and emotions, I allow those same people to come back into my life and hurt me all over again.

In my faith, I believe in shielding and I visualize and create protective energy through rituals and prayers, to keep that harmful, hateful energy away from me, and bounce it back to the sender. I also pray and try to send healing and loving energy, so that these people will learn through Karmic lessons, and understand they wrongness of what they do. But then, I just leave them to the Goddess. It is not my job to fix others' lives and it's not my job to be their punching bags emotionally or psychologically, either.

Regular meditation, solitude, t'ai chi practice all help me to maintain balance.

I hope you will find your path through this turmoil.

Blessings,
Gypsy
)O(



Blessings,

Gypsy

)O(



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2007

Hi, I'm Melissa. I'm new to this board. I read just your post and I hope you don't mind if I share what really has helped with me. I've always had a difficult time releasing anger and I finally found a way that works wonders for me. There is a wonderful spiritual leader by the name of Jane Hart. She runs the Center for Enlightenment and is a licensed Unity minister. When her mother passed away she had a real difficult time moving forward and dealing with the grief. She was shown what she calls "The Seven Steps for Successful Life Transitions". Here is a brief excerpt from her website:


"The Seven Steps for Successful Life Transitions are a solution for handling change in your life and in yourself. Change is the one constant factor in life we can always count on!

Anything can be taken "up" the seven-steps, i.e.; people, relationships, objects, homes, pets, even emotions. The seven-step process is a way to help us develop balance."

I have done The 7 Steps for all sorts of people in my life and have such a sense of peace after I completed the 7 Steps! She has a CD for sale on her website that is a guided meditation through the 7 Steps that I find to be the most beneficial. Here is a link to her website where she explains in detail about The 7 Steps. I hope it is as helpful to you as it has been to me.

http://www.cfenlightenment.org/sevensteps.htm

Blessings,

Melissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

Welcome to the board Melissa!