Confused about life and death
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| Wed, 05-30-2007 - 2:10pm |
Hello everyone,
My name is Amy and I visit this board quite often. It's been a while since I've posted but I always find very friendly people here and I'm looking for your help.
I'm a little uneasy right now. I have suffered from panic attacks and anxiety for a while and that has led me to question life and it's purpose, which I'm sure we have all done before. I have been reading a lot and have purchase a few books on religion. Currently I am reading Life after Life which I must say is a very powerful book. For those who haven't read this, it's about many near death experiences and explains the different stages of them. I thought that I would find comfort in this, but to my surprize it is frightening me! I have so many mixed feelings about it and I just can't seem to understand and make sense of it. Let's just say I'm very afraid to die!
I'm 22 years old and I seem to be at a place in my life where I need to find a purpose. I decided it was best to become knowledgable about the higher power and all that it seems to be doing is making me scared!
I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice. I don't know how to accept all this information comming at me and I can't seem to learn how to not be "afraid". Am I the only one uneasy about what is going to happen when we die? I can't seem to be able to put what I'm feeling in exact terms, but I hope I've given at least some information for all of you to understand.
Thanks so much for listening!
Amy.

Hi Amy... I'm glad you posted.
Hi ginger!
I guess I'm uneasy about a subject that we all can only guess the answers. It's nice to hear someone else's point of view though! I just wish that I could go with the flow instead of dwelling on it all the time. There are so many different beliefs and it's so hard to pick which one to follow. Eternal exsistance is a nice idea but it's still so confusing to me. The thought that there will always be something for us to learn just doesn't seem to make sense in my mind because there always has to be a beginning and an end. I've been told that our physical minds can't comprehend that but once we enter the spirit form everything falls into place. Of course for me, that isn't good enough, and I keep frustrating myself while I'm trying to understand it.
I get upset over the fact that when we die we change forms and leave our physical body to begin learning in another form. It just scares me because anxiety kicks in and I think, "oh no, what if I don't like that form? How will I cope with that?"
I just wish that I could find "some" way to cope with this. I'm trying to read the bible and other inspirational books, but I just get scared. I think because it is different, or because I can't see "the other world" is why I'm getting scared. I don't know what to expect. Also, because of the way I feel now, I also fear that I will be "fearing" for my entire exsistance.
Gosh I hope this is normal to question all these things. LOL
Amy
Questioning is normal.
Hi, Amy and Thanks for posting.
Amy:
I admire your spirit-I just do. I'm not part of a scientific theory driven philosophy--I'm a Christian with similar issues because religion doesn't ensure a stress free life. Many Christians deal with mental and emotional issues. For example, I suffered from anxiety and panic and I questioned my life purpose at age 24. Turns out, I meant well by teaching (the unteachable) but that wasn't my calling so reporting to work each day only gave me anxiety. As a child, I loved to write and now I've been working on my first inspirational book. One chapter addresses Anxiety; the others address that which seperates us from God. And, now I love my life. So in a way, anxiety and panic helped me to recognize my problem, my solution and my purpose.
My problem: I learned that anxiety stems from a wicked imagination of "what could be" and it's usually negative. Anxiety also comes from your inner spirit, which is a part of God, splitting from your carnal mind and body, which for some unknown reason, is committed to doing what is worst, though we think it's best (if that makes sense) and it causes tension. That's my interpretation. The tension, that we don't usually think is stress, causes us to have anxiety and our bodies, b/c it has had enough, acts crazy as the result (heart palpations, headaches, etc.) Only when you've had enough of these symptoms, will you do anything to change. So ask yourself: "Have I had enough of these panic attacks? What am I afraid of? What else is out there?"
My solution: I don't advocate walking away from responsibilities (that's why I call it MY solution), but my panic led me to being mute and catatonic in the ER, and I had to resign from my job b/c it was the source of my anxiety. I learned two things: First, God loved me too much to let me continue teaching in that environment even though I didn't love myself enough to quit. The Bible says, "For I know the plans I have for you; plans to propser you and bless you...To give you peace and rest" (Isaiah). I had plans for my life, but God let me know that my plan sucked and that His is far better. I asked God, "Why am I not enjoying teaching?" He replied, "Who told you to teach?" I said, "I'm not happy in my life," He said, "What you are doing with your life was never intended to bring you happiness." Amy, I actually have friends who resigned to find a better purpose like I did and with the hopes of getting closer to God. That's flattering, right? Though it may not be a job, a messed up relationship or somethign similar can cause anxiety. Whatever it is, anxiety is the spirit's S.O.S claim that "Life as we know it, is not working."
Second, I learned to let God take control because panic and anxiety was proof that I had lost it.
My Purpose: He revealed my purpose (to write) and our purpose in life is always beneficial to ourselves, first, as well as others. I have a better life, better friends, a better occupation and my body, anorexed by not eating b/c of stress, looks great now. It's all b/c I'm doing what I'm called to do. Pleasing Christ with the faith that only I could write what can only be written by me.
I'm not pressing Christianity on you, but all I know is it's the only religion in which we are promised someone who is with us daily. I don't need to learn about anyone from the past who is dead and can't help me now. Christ is still alive, not just in our hearts but alive even if we choose not to believe. Well, after He left Earth, He said the Holy Spirit (Comforter)will be with you at all times and that, to me, is comforting. I learned from mental disorders that it's not good to solely depend on my self-awareness, inner strength and mentality to "psycho-whatever" get control of my life b/c I may not be functioning well enough to do it. So, I depend on the Holy Spirit to do everything for me, meaning, if I need strength I make the request, if I need clarity, I make that request,too. I invite Him into my life for the better, and you know what, it has been.
Hi there! I would like to thank you and everyone else for their reply. I really appreciate all the help.
I guess the best thing that I can do is live for today and do the best I can with it. I wondered whether there was a certain path I was to follow and I was missing it. I guess it's best to just take each day as it comes and do my best!
I find this life to be a very overwhelming confusing mystery and I just want to prepare myself for everything that I could possibly face - especially after death.
I'm glad that I'm not the only one that had these questions because I was starting to wonder about myself..lol. I do believe that when you suffer from an anxiety disorder you do reach out to things like this and that could be the reason why I'm sort of obsessing about it.
I just hope that I do all the right things and eventually things will fall into place for me. I need a break!
Thanks again ladies