Am I delusional...or is it faith?
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Am I delusional...or is it faith?
| Wed, 05-30-2007 - 8:30pm |
OK-here's my story, and I'm not looking for sympathy, just an objective opinion. I used to be a negative pessimistic person-I always put myself down, found what was wrong in life, complained about my friends and weight and job. Things changed in the last 2 months. I lost a pregnancy in March and right when we were getting ready to try again, I started having seizures. The doctors took an MRI and found a cyst in my brain. At first I was told it could be cancer but was so relieved to find out it was benign and pretty harmless. However, I am on anti-seizure meds, and have been told to wait 3 months before trying again, and they're not even sure that the seizure meds are safe to take while TTC. At this point I don't have any other options than brain surgery, which the doctors are hesitating about for obvious reasons. I was really down, because I can't drive, work or exercise, and am on activity restriction for 3 months. I hate wallowing now-when I feel down I just pray. I spent the first week of my diagnosis consoling my parents and husband, even before the MRI proved my cyst had probably been there for 20 years and wasn't malignant. I refuse to let all of this get me down. I want to fight back at life. Somewhere deep inside I feel like I got a kick in the arse and I just know I will have a happy, healthy child some day, that I will work and play and scale mountains again, and that they will find a permanent cure for me and I will make a complete recovery. Am I delusional? Or is this just what happens when you are faced with something big like this? I really think I am past the denial stage, I just refuse to give up hope.

If you're delusional, bottle it and sell it to me.
I don't think you are delusional, you just remind me of an eagle. Eagles, unlike birds don't flap their wings as often. Eagles soar. In other words, they don't struggle with the wind, they use wind to get height. You are using your diagnosis as a means for strengthening your faith and taking yourself to higher heights.
Also, like an eagle, you are flying above the storm. Everything below looks crazy, but you realize that you can't look below and maintain a flight path. So, you look ahead and keep going. People say the same thing about me b/c I don't pay great attention to my problems, in fact, I hardly think that they are problems. Now, I'm on a roll. So keep it up b/c people are probably amazed by you. But when you have great faith, of course everything seems minute. That's the peace that Christ promised; you just happen to have it.
Joanne
maman2goons@yahoo.com
I don't think you're delusional, though I bet you are running into some folks who think you are in denial.
** "You know, Hobbes, some days even my
lucky rocketship underpants don't help." ~ Calvin