Where I belong???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
Where I belong???
19
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 6:11pm

I have spent most of the last year trying to figure out what I believe. I didn't grow up going to church as a family...my parents sorta sent us to church just to get us out of the house for a few hours. I guess a lot of parents do that:(
Anyway...as a teenager I became very involved in church (Baptist) and my entire life was Christianity...or more exact...a very specific "brand" of christianity.
I went off to Bible college, and married (the first time) someone who worked in the church. I think it was during the first marriage that I began to question things. I think I saw a little too much of the ugly side of church (imperfect people) and it was making it difficult for me to believe.
I have always had an overwhelming curiosity for all religions, and during my teen years that was repressed because I was taught that WE were right, EVERYONE ELSE was wrong.
Anyway...back to my faultering faith in my early 20's...
I began to question the bible and (even more) the interpretations of the bible. After my divorce 8 yrs ago, I was cut off from all my "Christian" church family. I REALLY began to see an uglier side of the church.
Ok...the point...
In recent years I have once again began to pray...and really want to worship...somehow...
I have looked at other religions, but the entire "going to hell" thing keeps me with one foot in Christianity. Of course, I think that is a lousy motivation to believe something...but...what can I say...
I don't know what I want to be...or believe...:( My husband (married 4 yrs now) is quite open to lots of things, even though he was raised in a Baptist church. We talk about things a lot, but he doesn't understand my struggle.
My fear of death is huge, because I am certain every second of the day I am going to hell. At the same time, I resent that God WOULD send me to hell!
I have thought about staying with Christianity and taking a different approach. As in, Catholic or Lutheran. We attended a Lutheran church about 6 times a couple years ago. I found a lot of comfort in the rituals and prayers. The reason I wanted to go their was because of a lack of "recruiting" but that was the same reason that no one ever approached us about joining the church. Kinda a catch-22:(
Ok...I this is already way too long...so I will leave it here.
I hope to discuss this with all of you:) Hopefully, an on-going discussion will help me with my journey.

Michelle

siggy3

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 7:27pm

Hi, Michelle, and welcome to F&S.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 9:43pm

HI
Just my two cents but, I don't believe God puts fear in us, but, religion can.
God is not in any particular church , but His Spirit is within each and every one to teach and guide. The bible says we don't need to be taught by man, but, the Holy Spirit.
So the devil comes along to deter us using fear to keep us from discovering God for ourselves.
The bible says be still and know, so why do churches tell us to study words in a book?

I have tried to find a good baptist church but I find they also have watered down the truth and are boring, so I decided to listen to the teacher within. Sometimes our minds lie to us, but, eventually we see that too. It's all about just watching our thoughts and useing discression, while being honest with ourselves.

Louise

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 10:53pm

but in the Calvinist tradition. The guilt trip and behavior modification efforts through fear were pretty effective.

Yes, EXACTLY...Thank You for providing "words" for my thoughts...

Apparently going to Bible College did not work in my favor. It only discouraged me more, to hear the "educated, enlightened" instructors doing nothing more then sharing their dogmatic interpretations:( only caused me to ask more questions...and resent whatever "god" they insist is the right one.

"Belief-O-Matic."
I actually did this test twice. But I really feel my answers are too influenced by what I am "suppose" to believe. I was very disgusted with myself after that:(
Apparently I need to be either Quaker or Hindu....

The one solid thing I do have at this point in my life is that I do NOT need to justify or answer to anyone about what I believe. Even if I am hell-bound, at least the judgement is between me and God.

I think this question is a good place to start....
I guess it's a question of what you are looking for in your life. Do you want a spiritual center, a group of socially aware people, a fellowship, a defined belief, a place to explore your own beliefs, etc.

Thanks,
Michelle

siggy3
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
Sat, 07-21-2007 - 11:28am

Hallo Michelle
My name is powderbrush and I am of a multicultural background. Am divorced twice and now since 16 and a half years in my third.

I was raised roman chatholic and later on, was drawn into the sort of pentacostal religion. I too, saw the imperfections of that believe system and of its influenced members. I find that the lutheran church is very much like the roman catholic, except for its lacking of a pope.

I have tried so much and nothing worked for me. So I decided to follow my own ''intuition'' or ''instinct'' if you want to know? and NOW am doing Reiki, which is a universal energy.

Throug IT? I found one person who is really, really great and has a different discovery and leaves everybody free to do this if they like. He will answer questions and help you along. But you are basically on your own.

Tis the Hawaiian believe system. Like Reiki, it has been inundated by people studying it and giving its own interprettion to it. Like christianity and wicca.

I have learned reiki at the end of my reiki studies etc etc. eventually from the 3 books Don Beckett wrote. and IT is Reiki as it should be.

Not so much as the healing of others, as the path that YOU as a person take and your own spiritual enlightenment and developement and growth.

From here, I found Kahuna Two Bears. he has studied the hawaiiaan believe system in Hawaii and read many books.

I don't know if it is allowed to go to the websites from Don Beckett (reiki and the almost original reiju as taught by its founder Mikao Usui in Japan and of Two Bears but I will post them here nevertheless. If they are removed, because it is the policy of this ivillage? please feel free to email me at: powderbrush@yahoo.ca)

the url for Don Beckett is: http://johreiki.net
from Kahuna Two Bears: http://www.geocities.com/huna101/whatis.html
he also has a yahoo 360 degrees blog. http://blog.360.yahoo.com/Wie-Cn.A6eq55NLcUKQPL6DYaDZAr?|=1&u=5&mx=33&lmt=5

I hope that you can get into these things? If nothing else? interesting reading.

Reiki and Huna from Two Bears? have really given me inner peace. and I look at life differently these days, but most of all, I have inner and mental peace. I feel in charge of my life and my path.

Neither Reiki nor Huna as taught by Two Bears? have anything related. other than that both are also, like I am, Reiki masters and teachers.

Nobody will be EVER on your case. All is left up to you.

and alas, as I have noticed on internet, too much is polluted by western ideas and imaginations or christianized.

So I was blessed to be led by the powers that be in the universe, to the right people and on my own, found a path, that is sooo satisfying to my soul.

May you find the same for you. greets from powderbrush

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 2:01pm

Welcome back Brush... good to see you again!


So do I understand you correctly that Reiki is not actually supposed to be about healing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 3:44pm

Hallo Gingercookie.
YES! indeed. Mikao Usui, was a tendai buddhist by religion. In the time that he founded his ''school''? He wasn't the only one in Japan, involved in all sorts of energies. One has also got to go, into the history at the time in Japan. Which eventually, also caused them to fight the western allies and invade China and Korea and the rest of Asia.

Reiki as we know it today, was brought actually to the US by a Japanese lady, who in her turn had learned about it, in Japan. The person who taught it to Mrs. Takata, was himself only a short time a student of Usui.

It was the admiralty high positioned people, who came to Usui, because he was also healing people. HE it was, who gave the actual written symbols to the admiralty people. The Japanese high admiralty, wanted a form of healing for their ships, because their soldiers weren't able to get to direct medical help. So Reiki would (as they thought?) help the staff.

Usui himself has had several different kinds of positions during his lifetime, in order to earn a living. His studio was on the side or when it wasn't? as at times, he had found sponsors to help him keep his school going? He had students. Several are still alive and well in the 100 years old. It was an Englishman, who went to North Africa in the mid sixties or seventies, who met an old friend of Usui, who introduced him to Reiki, waaayyyy, before Mrs. Takata, made a living off it in the US.

After her death, there was some dispute and she also? added things from her own spiritual church. As well as her granddaughter and her niece, have added to her ''understanding'' of what Usui's Reiki what all about.

Buddhist ARE involved in spiritual growth, through enlightenments. The orginal reiki, and the one I practice, do not use any symbols, we chant some of the letters of the symbols and they meanings are different as, the Reiki, which is now worldwidely used.

My students, take a longer time, to study and learn Reiki from me, and like the buddhists and Usui did? I do not charge. I only charge for printed materials, which are always the contents of the books which Don Beckett, has written.

In western Reiki, a person is attuned. In our eyes, it is putting debris in the chakras. In that which we know or have come to know? Students receive weekly empowerments, which are totally and completely different and nothing is placed into a person's chakra.

I start my students off, with grounding and for the first 6 or 9 months, mediating on the very first chakra. They have to keep a notebook, so that I can see, what they have been getting out of it all and they can see, how they have grown spiritually in their own lives.

Then we go on from their. Also? with al these attunements, people get one day lessons and are told that there are '' side effects''... nothing much. Which in reality isn't always true! then the student is just left on its own, until they get the money togethr do pay for their second degree and the price goes even up.

Mrs. Takata, had to make a living and many practioners are also making a reasonable living off it. I don't! MY ''payment'' if you want to call it that way? comes from the universe, and believe you me? it is no different, from the indonesian massages which I have done for years and for which I also have been rewarded, by the universe.

My students ALSO receive additional empowerments, when they encounter, and they ALL do!!, with the results of their spiritual growth. The body doesn't just dispose of toxins. It has all sorts of other side effects. Things a person hasn't dealth with in his/her life on a psychological level! Oh I don't know. I never charge, YET! the payment which comes to me and the people am able to help with this, are sooo much more.

I eventually, introduce my students to, what I call, the western Reiki, AFTER they have reached quite a level of what Reiki is really, really about.

I am not, cutting out the westerners with they way THEY practice it. BUT am dead set against, teaching christians, that Reiki is christian based. for it is NOT. It comes from the various different kinds of buddhism in Asian. and has some connection with the HINDOE RELIGION AND Yoga and Qi Chong. The breathing excercizes for instance with reiki.

But MOSTlY! it is about understandning ones own inner being. Where it is at in the universe and it includes re-incarnation and understanding about it. And NOT what is going around in the west what I call: urban legends! now?

After Usui died, several of these high positioned people started the school of which this other person (I can never remember his name) had because of a dispute, left those people and this school and had started out his own business. If you want to call it that way. It was because Mrs. Takata was ill, that she went to Japan, to seek healilng there.

If you like? you could go to Don Beckett's website. Don is American and he has written 3 books by himself. Which explains it all. His first book, is even free to all and sundry. but this next two books, must be purchased. His books are presently in the process of being translated into Turkish!

There are also 3 others who have written one book together in colaboration. Only two of these writers? have lived in Japan for more than a decade. William lee Grand, Frank Arjava Petter and another one. Both last named, are Germans and Frank and the other one have lived in Japan and been married to Japanese women.

As an Asian, I can tell you, that westerns simply don't get IN, with the Japanese. Tis an Asian society and closed to westerns. What westerns think they know about Japan, is what their own preceptions are, but few really, really get in. Tis their culture, it has always been that way.

I should know, as Japan, occupied the former Dutch East Indies and they had many concentration camps. Remember the movie the Bridge over the River Kwai? well there are two very very large cemetaries in Thailand and Myanmar, formerly Birma, where many people of East and West, died horridly, during their forced stay by the Japanese.

My path with reiki is eventually getting me somewhere else. But I still everyday, self empower myself and do Reiju.... the way Usui's students in japan practice that energy is different from the west and I practice that too. It is Reiju that I practice and I do not use chakras, nor do I use meridians, like the chinese do in their culture. Reiju has nothing to do with either. As a matter of fact, my implantations of the Reiki symbols have been removed from my chakras.

And I still do very good with it, when people ask me to be their Master and Teacher. And they will stay that way, for the rest of their lives.

They also understand, that even though I teach them.... we are and will always remain? students.

And I too, learn from my students.

I have one student, who was a very troubled young man, coming from a disfunctional family and background. When you meet him today? after 3 years with me? He is a totally and completely different person. Recently? He had occassion to bring into practice, some of the things I have taught him and he literally cried, that it worked for the highest good for him.

he has had his own enlightment moments and am tickled pink. I hope that one day? I will be surpassed by a student of mine and I can learn from that person.

Presently, am practicing and learning of the Hawaiian believe system and the best website on the web, which isn't (like the reiki has been/become) infiltrated with western and christian and wicca believe systems? that of Two Bears. The two books which he recommends, and are still available via Amazon.com? are THE best presently on the market.

One is by Charlotte Birney and the other is by Arlyn J. Macdonald.

Just to give an example? with Reiju? I had a foul pain in my left knee. I have learned that when people have pains and aches in their knees, ankles, lower back and shoulders? it is always an issue of responsibilities and accountabilities. People want to be dependant even though many say, that it isn't true.

So I was doing reiju and massage, until the crows came home and nothing was happening. The docter had my knee exrayed etc etc etc.. but nothing was found. I KNEW where the problem was, but somehow I couldn't for the life of me, get it ''fixed''. Nobody, knows what to do...
Then not too long ago, I was walking with my dog in the nature reserve? and all of a sudden, I got me a nasty pain in my ankle. It took all feeling out of it and by the time, I put my foot down,(I was walking rather fast too, as usual) it twisted.. I was able to hobble about, until a fair distance and catch me breath against a post. Wore a stretch bandage for an afternoon and night and I was sooooo ''blind'' that it took me TWO WHOLE WEEKS, before it dawned on me, that I had had with that pain? an adjustment in my ankle. The Pain has now been gone and I just know? that I will never have any more problems with my knee.

I also have had some very lovely experiences with reiju. from people, whom I have never met nor seen. Simply because I was asked to send reiju to them.

I hope that with this very very long epistle? I have made it somewhat clear? Feel free to go to the websites I have mentioned and read for yourself and get yourself informed. You will see, if you try it out for yourself? that you too? will or can be more enriched than you presently are!
any more questions, If I can answer them, I will. kind regards, brush

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 4:07pm

Brush, thank you soooo much for sharing all that!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 7:06pm

Hallo Ginger
well, if you would like some feedback? I am presently having/doing a long distance student. She lives in California.
She was talking awhile back? with the CL of the Reikiboard. Who knows me quite well. well, we know each other from internet and click, so to speak?

At the time, that this lady, wanted to know about Reiki, I wasn't all that keen, in talking about it. As SHE is very christian. At least to my mind. And I felt? that she was better off? with the other reiki master who became assistant to Miriam, the first CL at the Reiki forum.
Anyway, Miriam caught me, one evening and asked if I would please talk with this lady. Of course, my response? threw her.. anyway, she is beginning to find out. that I am able to bring her with her belief? into reiju and she downloaded the first book which Don Beckett has for free at his website.
Don is my Masterteacher. And I think he is fantastic. we have a good report and my, the patience he has with me! I am telling you, the man is a wizzard!

Actually, if you had met me a number of years ago, before I found Reiki? I was sort of getting acquainted with the druids and wiccas on line. But their believe system was too much involved for me. However, THEY TOO were a help on my path, where I am today!

I have and keep an altar. But I have my roman catholic saints there, they HAVE come to my aid, in the past. I found Feng Shui, via Ivillage and IT has helped me. and some of it? I still practise. Tis all helpful. I also have my Indonesian figurenes there and they too have come to my aid. Tis all in the intent and how you honour them. But? this doesn't mean? that others have to follow my example. Don doesn't have any of the things which I have. Whereas, Two Bears? has his own altar in his home. I don't know the purpose for his, though. You will have to ask him for it, yourself. I haven't asked him about it.

If you would like to talk with that lady, who is now also my student? I will ask her if she is willing to answer any questions, you might have, to feel encouraged. and you can ask her? about her experiences, so far. with the as close as we can get it?: original method.

I am glad to be of service to help you along. But if you rather have Don, elusidate you? well, You're with THE expert in my opinion. I think VERY highly of him. I have all three of his books and of course? HE has made me a shinpiden. That is the highest so far in the East as well as in the West, of the degrees in Reiju.

I also have two other degrees, but by golly!? I don't even use them at all! I got them, becaue I was curious what the heck they were, and that was before I found Don. Once I found HIM? that was it! no more searching.

When you and if you get in touch with him? Tell him, if you like? that I have sung his praises. hihihi. he'll know who I am, oh nooooo, he won't know me by my internet nickname! oh well, you'll just have to email me privately for that!

Anytime? that you would like Reiki or Reiju send to you? just write me and there is no charge nor any obligation on your part, to receive it from me.

Kindest regard and best of luck. greets from brush

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 8:41pm

Thank you again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2006
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 6:24pm

Hi there I know I am jumping in on this quite late and am also new to the board; but wanted to add my thoughts. It sounds to me like you might enjoy a less dogmatic christian church. I am not a member of, but work as the office manager at a Disciples of Christ Christian Church. I have found them to be very accepting and accomodating of diversity in thoughts and biblical interpretation. We have both liberal and conservative members as well as those who are more dogmatic and those who are not. They also seem to keep some of that ritual that sounded like they were comforting to you. I've not attended an actual service but just by putting together the bullitens their traditional service follows a very similar style to a Catholic service. You might see if there is a DOC church in your area and check it out. Also if you have leanings towards other faiths UU churchs can be a good place to start as they are open to all belief systems and tend to incorporate many of them into thier services. With both these denominations keep in mind that things will vary from congregation to congregation depending on the minister and the people. Good luck!

E.

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