Where I belong???
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| Fri, 07-20-2007 - 6:11pm |
I have spent most of the last year trying to figure out what I believe. I didn't grow up going to church as a family...my parents sorta sent us to church just to get us out of the house for a few hours. I guess a lot of parents do that:(
Anyway...as a teenager I became very involved in church (Baptist) and my entire life was Christianity...or more exact...a very specific "brand" of christianity.
I went off to Bible college, and married (the first time) someone who worked in the church. I think it was during the first marriage that I began to question things. I think I saw a little too much of the ugly side of church (imperfect people) and it was making it difficult for me to believe.
I have always had an overwhelming curiosity for all religions, and during my teen years that was repressed because I was taught that WE were right, EVERYONE ELSE was wrong.
Anyway...back to my faultering faith in my early 20's...
I began to question the bible and (even more) the interpretations of the bible. After my divorce 8 yrs ago, I was cut off from all my "Christian" church family. I REALLY began to see an uglier side of the church.
Ok...the point...
In recent years I have once again began to pray...and really want to worship...somehow...
I have looked at other religions, but the entire "going to hell" thing keeps me with one foot in Christianity. Of course, I think that is a lousy motivation to believe something...but...what can I say...
I don't know what I want to be...or believe...:( My husband (married 4 yrs now) is quite open to lots of things, even though he was raised in a Baptist church. We talk about things a lot, but he doesn't understand my struggle.
My fear of death is huge, because I am certain every second of the day I am going to hell. At the same time, I resent that God WOULD send me to hell!
I have thought about staying with Christianity and taking a different approach. As in, Catholic or Lutheran. We attended a Lutheran church about 6 times a couple years ago. I found a lot of comfort in the rituals and prayers. The reason I wanted to go their was because of a lack of "recruiting" but that was the same reason that no one ever approached us about joining the church. Kinda a catch-22:(
Ok...I this is already way too long...so I will leave it here.
I hope to discuss this with all of you:) Hopefully, an on-going discussion will help me with my journey.
Michelle

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Welcome to the board!
This denomination actually is a division of the Church behind my Bible college. I am not sure of the reasons, but I heard A LOT about how wrong the DOC Church was... I know that the "Christian Church" and "Church of Christ" cut ties with the DOC not too long ago.
As for me, I am going to take your advice and do some research on the church.
Thanks for the information.
Michelle
you can read some of the history of the denomination here: http://www.disciples.org/discover/history/ . I'm certianly no expert, as I am not actually a member, just going off my obeservations since coming to work as the office manager here in November of last year. As far as wether or not a denomination is 'wrong' I imagine that is mostly subjective in regards to what one sees as 'right'. Happy researching - if you have any specific questions I might be able to ask one the ministers here about it for you.
E.
I finally remembered what DOC did wrong...
They ordain women as ministers.
{{gasp}}
Thanks for the link.
M
lol, both the ministers at the church I work at are women. The "Senior Minister" is actually younger (just a couple years older than me) than the "Associate Minister" which struck me as odd. Having grown up Catholic the whole women minister thing has been an adjustment :-) lol
E.
I have been asking myself this same question off and on throughout my life. I did not grow up in a religious home, however, we did go to church (DOC) when I was very young. We just were not very active and were not "eaten up with it" like so many people in the bible belt (where I live). My parents stopped going completely when I was still quite young, and after that I only went on occasion with friends. At different times in my life I have felt the need to search for spiritual enlightenment and have tried to find a church I like. I wouldn't have a problem going back to the DOC but the 2 we have here where I live are very small, and part of my reason for going is to fellowship with a larger group of people.
I, like you, have a hard time accepting the Christian faith on the premise of fear of condemnation. My intellectual side won't allow me to believe in something wholeheartedly for negative reasons. I want to have faith, but part of me wonders if the whole thing could have been invented 2000 years ago as a way to control the masses. I just can't force myself to have faith. I envy those who do have a strong faith, especially educated, intelligent people who aren't likely to blindly accept something out of fear.
I have no problem believing in God, a creator, higher power--any further than that is a stretch for me. And I have a problem with a lot of what is taught in the bible. I want to believe in something and I want to figure out where I stand. I have attended a Methodist church here because they are much less strict than most of the other denominations in this town. And when I go I enjoy it, but I still don't know if I believe it all.
I don't know where I'm going with this, it's just good to see someone else writing about the same struggles.
Welcome, lani57!
If what you embrace is the belief in a higher power - that in its self is faith. Just because you don't fit into a mold doesn't automatically mean you are lacking in anything. There are so many unknowable things out there, for me I find peace in accepting that those things are unknowable and I find it fulfilling to simply wonder at them. I am much more fulfilled in a varied belief forum like this one than in any organization that is putting forth specific tenants - unfortunetly finding that in IRL is sometimes difficult.
E.
Reading the Bible can help you with some of your feelings. Remember that churches are like all of us, imperfect. Some are friendly some are not. I do not think it makes one difference in the various Christian churches. What matters is believing in God and his son Jesus Christ. Please don't let your bad church experiences turn you away from God.
I have the exact opposite feelings about death. I do not fear death as I know that I am going to heaven. Not because of anything I did but because he washed my sins away. He will do the same for anyone that believe in him. What God does not promise any of us is "smooth sailing". What he does tell us is that he will give us peace and be the rock with which we hold onto when you have problems.
Everyone has periods of doubt or questions. You are human and that is natural. I will pray for you tonight and wish you God's blessings
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