Looking for support and advice.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Looking for support and advice.....
Thu, 04-03-2003 - 9:46am
Hi there - I've been going through some tough times lately, and was looking for a place to make friends online that could understand. In brief, my situation is this. I am a 32 year old mom of one 3 1/2 year old son. I am happily married. The list of stressors reads like this......In the past year I have gone through (and continue to go through) the following: Sold our home of 10 years, moved to a bigger home and had to sell that within a few months due to a downward turn in my parents' health. Now living with my parents while looking for a "mother daughter" type house. Mom suffers from the middle to late stages of dementia/Alzheimers. Dad is not physically strong anymore, but is fighting getting any help. I have been bathing, dressing, and wiping my mother. I lost my job unexpectedly. I had a minor surgical procedure earlier this year that went horribly wrong - I was allergic to the anesthesia which threw me into Adult Respiratory Distress Syndrome (ARDS), and left me on a respirator in a drug-induced coma for 8 days hovering near death. I still struggle with some post-traumatic stress from that incident. My son is not adjusting well to this latest move at all - not sleeping at night, regressing, etc. Meanwhile I am trying to maintain my patience with him, as he is a preschooler and trying his best. The amount of stress has put a SEVERE damper on my sex life - we are either too stressed or too tired most of the time. We have had sex about 3 times in the last 6 months. We have also had three cancer scares in the past year (two for me, one for DH). We continue to look for a house, but most of the homes in our area are out of our price range. Meanwhile we must stay in the area because DH's job is secure (a ray of good news in all this!). Also my son has some developmental delays, and I am trying to work with him on those. (Mainly speech therapy).

The good news is that my marriage is strong, and I have tried to maintain some sense of humor throughout this whole mess.

What can I do to help my family through this tough time? I am losing my hair (literally) from all the stress. Any advice on that?

Well, thanks for listening. I look forward to reading responses!


Avatar for cl_calley7
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 04-04-2003 - 11:10pm
Holding it together is right...wow. No wonder you're under stress. I hope things calm down for you now and you can find the right house for your family.

Since you're dealing with AD, you might also want to visit our Families of Alzheimer's Patients board:


Welcome to our board and thank you for sharing.




Avatar for serene02
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 04-05-2003 - 4:02pm
Holdin...Here's a {{{{hug}}}} I wish I could make you a cup of chamomile tea. I'm sorry to hear that you have had your plate filled to overflowing in the stress department. I'm hoping you are getting some counselling for the PTSD.

I have also experienced hair loss but not to the point of bald patches. I remember it coming out by the handfuls and my hair dresser suggesting to go short as I had long hair at the time. I went short and it did help with the amount I was losing.

You mentioned that you want suggestions to help your family get through this. Gee, girl you're the one who needs the help. I would think that if you practice some really good self care and they see you becoming more well (less stressed and happy) they will then do better as well. So....I think you need to focus on you!

What are you doing for yourself? Can the speech therapist suggest an alternative other than you to help with your son's difficulties so you can take a break?

Take Care