Trouble at home--this is a long one

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Trouble at home--this is a long one
Sat, 09-06-2003 - 2:01pm
Eighteen months ago, I decided to return to graduate school after 11 years away from college. I do work, but I'm doing this with no financial aid and I needed to save money. I made the mistake (I see that clearly now) of moving back home with my parents. I don't tell many people that because let's face it, most people think there has to be something wrong with you if you live at home at 33. I do a lot around the house, including the mowing and shoveling, laundry, dusting, dishes, etc. I'm not complaining about that, it's only fair that I do some things, but I never get any credit for it at all.

The problem now is my sister. I could make this really long, so I'll give you the shortened version. Last December, my sister lost her job. At first, she said she had been laid off, but she later admitted she quit. Then she started having marital problems. Her husband, who left all the money management to her, found out she had borrowed money against all their credit cards and had maxed them all out. She had forged his name on checks to get money. He simply doesn't trust her any more, and who can blame him. My sister still has a key to my parents home and we later found out that while she wasn't working, she was coming to my parents home in the middle of the day when no one was there and going through our things, looking for money or anything else she could find. I don't keep money around (she stole from me when we were teenagers and I learned my lesson), but my mom does. My sister stole some of mom's X-mas bonuses, all told about $250, plus two gift cards she had gotten as gifts. She even stole a scented toilet paper roll, why I have no idea. What's amazing is that after all this, my dad still won't change the locks or ask her to return her key. She still doesn't work and has all day to come and do this again if she feels like it. Anyway, my sister also has a 2 1/2-year-old son. She announced this week that she and her husband are divorcing, the house will be sold and she and my nephew will be moving in with my parents as well. The thought is making me sick to my stomach.

I love my nephew dearly and feel horrible for the situation going on between his parents, but how can I be in graduate school, trying to read and study in the evening, when a small child is underfoot? More importantly though, the thought of my sister, who is still not working, sittting around the house all day with full access to everyone's belongings, makes me sick. I don't trust her as far as I can throw her and I don't think I ever will. What really annoys me is my dad. He has always had a blind spot when it came to my sister and is very sensitive to any criticism of her. (Even after all the crap she has pulled.) In my honest opinion, my sister needs professional help to deal with her constant lying (she told us she had found another job, was working and it was a complete lie) and stealing.) The other night, I apparently made some facial expression that he didn't like and he blew up at me, saying "If you had your way, we'd just throw them out on the f****** f****** idiot." A lovely thing to hear when I'd been up since 5:30 a.m., going to two classes and then work. I can't take this anymore.

I know I have to move out. No question. I don't make a ton of money, but I have savings and I could afford rent. This is not something I wanted to do during the course of a busy semester, but I don't have a choice. The truth of the matter is my sister and I have never been close and quite frankly, I don't like her.

The tension in the house is so thick right now you could cut it with a knife. My sister is the main thing we have always fought about. My mom says that when my dad learns I'm moving out because of my sister and nephew, he will hit the roof. I say I do what I need to do and think about myself for a change.

Thanks for reading and letting me vent. I'm trying to stay sane.

Avatar for cl_calley7
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 09-07-2003 - 10:24pm
Hi Amytct,

You're right; it would be my feeling that you do have to take care of yourself and move out of that situation. It would have been great if you could have stayed there while you're in school to help save some money but the environment just isn't good for all that you're doing with work and school.

In my opinion, there's not much you can change at home including the way your dad views your sister. You have chosen to be productive and honest and in the long run, that's what counts. Hopefully, things will get better when you move out and get your own apartment. You're welcome to stop by and let us know how it's going anytime.


P.S.: We do have a Relationships Channel that might have some suggestions for you too.

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