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|Mon, 09-15-2003 - 7:47pm|
So here is a little about myself. I am a SAHM for the majority, I have a 2 yo ds and a 3 dd, which are the light of my life. I love being a SAHM, I have the flexibility that I enjoy, but I also have the structure I need.
My problems are that I am having a hard time with dealing with all that is happening in my life. For starters I am the leader of the Family Readiness Group for my husband's Army unit. I knew when I took on the responsibility it would be demanding, but what ended up happening is just horrible. The leader before me, left me NOTHING. And what I mean by that, all the pertinant paperwork that comes with this position is no where to be found. I dont have any of the things I need to take care of what needs to be done. I get phone calls left and right for things I had no idea about, and just a few days ago, my treasurer quit on me. So I am now, leader, co-leader, treasurer, secretary and hospitality.
To add to this, my Grandfather just recently suffered a heart attack. Now, emotionally that was pretty draining for all of us in the family, so that didnt help. But on top of that, my Grandparents babysat my kids when I had a function to go to. Now with this Leader position I am in, I have quite a few functions I have to attend. This week alone I have had to call and apologize for not being able to attend a change of command for my husband's unit. Which is actually a big deal, because the change of command were for some pretty powerful people. But I have no one that can babysit for me now.
Now, on top of this I teach ballet part time, I love teaching the classes, and consider it a great stress relief. Unfortunately the center I work for is being quite difficult. Often times they do not listen to what I need. For instance, I have asked them in multiple ways, not to wax my floor, because then it is a danger to my students. I come into class this past weekend and my floors are waxed, and since I am not allowed to resin my floors, it just made it slippery for my students. I also spent a good part of the day looking for my equipment, which they decided to use for the basketball game that was going on that same time. And when I asked for it back. The people who took them in the first place threw a fit and became very aggressive. Needless to say, I didnt get the stuff back.
Now, I know a good solution to this would be to let go of one of my responsibilities. And believe me I would love to. Unfortunately, no one else is willing to step up and volunteer for Family Readiness, and all the effort I have put into the this group, I feel I cant just drop it and walk off. And as for my classes, I have way too many students who are very loyal to me and respect me, and I love my classes. It is just the center I work at, and as of right now moving to a different center is not an option.
My most important responsibility are my children. And I will NOT put them into daycare. Both my husband and I agree 1000% that I will stay home with them until they are both in school. They our pride and joy, and the most important part of our lives.
So I need help. Please let me apologize for the long winded post, but I needed to get it all out. I have tried everything. Alone time, long showers, alcohol (just kidding), I even considered going back to smoking a few times. I have done theraputic shopping, I have sat in a quiet room with nothing to distract me, I go for long walks, my DH and I go out once a week just by ourselves. And I just cant relax. I am so stressed I havent slept in about 2 weeks, I havent slept well since July. My back is so tense that it has climbed up and I usually end up with a tension headache by late afternoon, I hold my breath that my lungs start to feel tight, and that is so I dont snap at my children or husband.
Ok, I know I should see a doctor, and I have an appointment for february, that is the earliest I could be seen.
Im sorry again for the long post, but I needed to get it all out.