The holidays, family, and divorce

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2009
The holidays, family, and divorce
Thu, 12-24-2009 - 11:49am

Thanks for reading.

My parents are going through a divorce this year after being married for 21 years. It has been nasty so far, not being able to agree on anything, so they are finally going to court on December 29th, two days after their anniversary. My mother is paraplegic, and has been wheelchair bound for 18 years, and has been very depressed most all of those years. I believe she is abusing her pain medication, as she is getting pretty vague. All 5 of us kids are basically grown, the youngest me and my brother are the only kids by these two, my mom had 3 from a previous marriage.

I just had my first child 3 months ago and am raising him as a single mom. We won't be making it home for Christmas due to the weather and don't know that we would want to be there anyway as I want his first Christmas to be a happy one.

The court date is just a few days after Christmas and I have heard that my half-brother will be flying in to testify that my father was physically abusive towards my mother, which he was not. I cannot decide whether I should testify that he was not or if I should just stay out of it like I wanted to.

I'm debating just leaving my family's affairs altogether until everything calms down. Aside from the divorce, my oldest half-sister just got arrested for drunk driving (again) but this time she had her two kids, both under 5, with her. While she was in jail her kids father totaled her car (I am unaware if the kids were with him) and abandoned it. The kids will probably be taken from them and everyone is fighting as to who will get them.

My other half-sister has been addicted to methamphetamine for the past 10 years, and I see no sign in it getting better. None of my family is aware of the problem, and she is trying to get my sisters kids too as she has been unable to have them herself. She is apparently getting married to some man who is in prison right now and we have never met. I, myself, will not leave her alone with my son although she keeps begging to babysit.

Lastly, my younger full brother just turned 18 and has been getting into a lot of trouble. He was on probation for some major vandalism he did with his friends a couple years ago and has broken every term of the probation so he is going to court December 30th, a day after my parent's divorce court. My dad has given up on him and no longer talks to him. My mom lacks the means to control him so just gives him whatever he wants.

My parents had sent him to a children's home when he was younger and he was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, which my mom thinks is the reason behind his problems. I think she feels it is partly her fault because she was pregnant with him when she got into her accident. So she does his homework, fills out job applications for him, and gives him all the money he wants while he sneaks out, sneaks people in, wrecks vehicles, and does not do anything to contribute to the household. He is the last kid there, and my mom, being paralyzed, can't do things like shovel the snow or take out the trash, and he refuses to do these things so the house is falling apart.

Sorry if this post is a bit long, but as you can see my family is quite riddled with problems. I get very overwhelmed with trying to mediate everyone, and am thinking that it might be in the best interest for me and my son to keep our distance until everything falls into place. However I am not sure that things will ever calm down, so it is a tough decision. Any advice? Thank you very much for your time and have a very happy holiday!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 11:51pm

I agree with n2ishn.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 8:09pm

I will be blunt.