Everything Gets to Me...
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|Mon, 03-15-2010 - 11:22am|
I don't get it. I have everything I want. 2 beautiful, smart kids who adore me, a man who is supportive and loving and just amazing, a great home to live in that I keep clean, food on the table every night, wonderful friends, a big family and plus an extended family on my BF's side who think I hung the moon. What else could I need? Yet I get so irritated.
My son decided a little over a year ago to go live with his dad. My daughter lives with me. I've been divorced twice and a child resulted from each marriage. My son will be 11 and my daughter will be 5. I'm living with my BF of almost 2 years since February and we are blissfully in love and honestly, don't get on each other's nerves. We both work and take care of things well together. This is not a problem at all and I don't get irritated with anything in our relationship. I do get overwhelmed at work quite a bit because I've been there a while and have gotten no raises and keep getting more added to my workload which can be quite stressful on me. My BF was working nights so I was rushing home to cook before he'd have to leave and I'd be alone with my 4 year old til the next morning and trying to get housework done and tend to her when she's bouncing off the walls from having to be quiet at pre-Kindergarten is quite difficult. Having to juggle quality time with her and other things I have to do each night are not easy. And I find myself losing my temper with her which is not a good thing. Then there is a cousin of mine who I love dearly and who ultimately is responsible for J and I getting together at all because she nudged us when she knew we liked each other. Her husband is J's best friend and well, I've known J since high school. It's a long history. Anyway, my cousin calls me and is always wanting me to do something and trying to plan stuff for me and gets aggravated with me if I say no. It's almost as if I owe her for things. And if I don't answer the phone, she calls over and over. Then texts me to call her....or calls J's phone. And it's always over something that is not near as important as she makes it out to be. Then there is my mother who still sees me as 10 years old. I'm 37 and have yet to be able to get her to cut the cord. I had to go live with my parents for a few months because finances were awful for me and then J and I got a home together just a couple of months ago. If I tell my mom how she's hovering and how it irritates me, she will play the martyr and hang up and go cry to daddy who will then call me to tell me what a big horrible piece of crap I am for making mom feel bad. SO I can't even tell them how I feel about their hovering. My BF is now working days and will be home at night and can be there to take up some slack with my daughter. Plus he got a big raise so that relieves some tension. I just let everything get to me and I am too nice to tell people how I feel. J told me I was just too sweet for my own good and needed to get in people's faces every so often if they irritated me and let them know it was unacceptable to treat me like they do. Anyway, I'm scared I'm heading back into my old depression and will need to go back on meds which I hadn't had to since postpartum days. I know J will understand and know it isn't him that is triggering this but gosh I'm worried that I'll end up a basket case.