What is going on with me???
Find a Conversation
|Mon, 03-15-2010 - 11:54am|
New here... I don't know what my deal is. I REALLY need some answers.
I had a very stressful 2009 which ended with me losing my job in December. Thankfully I found a job right away and it turns out to be a WONDERFUL job! Close to home, good pay, great benefits, nice people, etc. My only issue (and it's a big one# is that I don't have enough to keep my busy on a daily basis so I'm sitting at my desk all day, every day with hardly anything to do. I stress all the time that people are going to think I'm a slacker, but it's not my fault. I've sent out emails and went walking around to see if people need help, but everyone is pretty self-sufficient. The department I'm in has been with out a support person for so long that I think they don't know what to do with me. It's gotten to the point that I no longer look forward to going to this job daily and I'm making excuses not to go - and am very embarrassed about it. Why can't I get my act together? This is the job of a lifetime and I have no interest in it anymore.
On another note, my personal life isn't so great either. Too much to go into here, but my marriage basically no longer exists. No intimacy in over a year, and prior to that it was only like once a year for the last 10 years #we've been married 15 years). We pretty much just share a roof. I even sleep on the couch most of the time. My son has some psychological problems - ADHD, mild Tourette's Syndrome, OCD - and they are very hard to deal with. He's only 8 so those issues combined with the "normal" issues of an 8 yr old make things very stressful.
We haven't been able to take any sort of vacation in over 4 years because my husband's company (which he owned for almost 15 years) tanked in the bad economy, he currently doesn't get paid vacation, my vacation time has been limited to 2 weeks and I've used most of my vacation days to watch our kid on school holidays, when he's sick, etc. Unfortunately, I don't have a back-up system where someone else could watch him. My mom is around and lives nearby, but she is on-call for my brother & SIL whenever THEY need someone. Never mind that my SIL is a SAHM, she is "too overwhelmed taking care of 2 kids". Ugh.. makes me sick - and another thing that gets under my skin.
To top it off, I've been gaining weight uncontrollably. I'm talking over 100 lbs in the last 8 years. Last year I was kind of able to hold steady (albeit at a very unhappy weight) but in the last 2-3 months, I've gained another 15 lbs. I don't get it. I've gone to every doctor imaginable and while none of them can find anything wrong with me, none of them have been able to make suggestions for weightloss either. I've done Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, cleanses, diet pills, etc. on top of regular diet & exercise and NOTHING has helped. I was sure there was a medical cause, but apparently not. I eat pretty healthfully, so I don't know what the deal is.
I stayed home from work today b/c I just can't get myself motivated to get dressed and go sit at a desk where I do NOTHING all day. If my husband finds out I was home today, he's going to have a fit. Now I'll have to worry about that. :-(
So, that's my story and I need some help.