I just don't know anymore...
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|Mon, 04-05-2010 - 12:10am|
I am 29. I've been through a lot. I am estranged from my family (not my choice) I grew up in foster care due to an abusive mother. None of my family talks to me because I guess they feel that I embarrassed them and they are also selfish like my mother.
Anyway despite my unfortunate childhood, I joined the Army, fought for my country, been all over the world and I am about to graduate with BA in psychology ( I am no longer in the Army) and I am EXTREMELY LONELY. I don't have any friends and I just keep having relationships with men that end up hurting me, even if I choose the total opposite of the guy I had before. But lately no guys even look my way, I have gained a lot of weight because I am feeling very low and I eat. Yes I am in school, but I just feel so alone. I have no boyfriend, no friends and no family. Doesn't God allow us atleast one of those things?? I keep thinking that I will not live long because my life just sucks. Is there anyway that things can get better? I mean can I least have a good adulthood since my childhood was so painful?
A girl that I know told me tonight (her 30th birthday) that not only is she newly pregnant, but she has a great boyfriend and is just so happy. We were just both complaining about the lack of men last month. ...I just don't understand when will it be my turn to be happy?
I wish I could feel pretty, I wish I had friends, I wish my phone would ring. I joined websites and the guys either want to have sex that night (which I don't do so soon) or they don't follow through...
I just feel so worthless and unfortunate and it is making my panic attacks soar...Thanks so much for listening to me...I hope that someone out there can relate to me...I feel like I am losing it. I'm so sad.