what is my purpose?
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|Sun, 05-09-2010 - 9:44pm|
I guess we have all asked ourselves this question. But lately, this thought has been lingering and it's becoming a bit disturbing.
What is my purpose? why am i here? and what is happiness?
Why cant I be satisfied with what I have? and why can't I go after what I want?
I am 25 years old. 1st in my family to graduate from college, attended one of the worst schools in my city and yet managed to get away from my neighborhood and go away to college. Yet, here I am again. Trying to give back to my community. I decided that my passion was teaching and it was going to be a fun and rewarding job, but... I thought wrong. While teaching is an amazing career, I am realizing that it is not for me. Definitely not in this neighborhood, where kids talk back, curse at teachers and manage to get away with so much because parents are simply not involved.
I work in a very demanding school, with no support what so ever. I don't have certification, or license to teach, but because they really liked me and they are a charter school, they provided me with the opportunity. Now i feel stuck.
I started my masters in teaching, I accepted another year with the school, but yet I hate it. I feel like I am going to go crazy. But yet, I feel inadequate for any other job and don't know if I should change career or if I should try another school. Even if I change careers, what can I do? I haven't been exposed to much. All I know is that I am completely discouraged by the prospect to teach.
I am discouraged with my life. I've always wanted to get away from NYC and try living in a friendlier place, where I can experience something new. Yet, I don't even know where to start. I am completely alone on this one. I have no money saved. I owe credit cards. And I live day to day on my next paycheck, even though I live with my mother, I still help out. Home is lonely and unhealthy. As my mom is always fighting and disrespecting me (that's all she knows, unfortunately). And still I am stuck like a teenager in my room everyday after work, just thinking about my next move. But yet, not moving... :-/
I need to make a change, but how???
I know this is a lot to take in, but if you have any suggestions please feel free to write.