Starting A New Path

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Starting A New Path
Mon, 06-07-2010 - 5:06pm


I'm not sure why I'm going to post this; however, I feel as if I need to vent a little bit. I'm pretty stressed at this moment in time. First, I dropped out of college. I haven't felt motivated, getting the best grades (but still passing), and had no idea what I wanted after graduation (which was in a few years, I'm 22 now).

I have a part time job, that pays pretty well then most mid-wage jobs. I'm going to change it to full time so I'll be able to pay those loans back I already taken out, pay bills and have food money.

I have a problem though, and I highly doubt my parents are willing to accept what I want in life right now. I honestly just want to be out on my own, I want to find myself and be able to take care of myself on my own. I'm extremely sick and tired dealing with my family's abuse. I don't want to have any sort of contact with them after I change things. Is it so bad that I want to live life and work right now?

I'm so stressed that I'm going to end up falling and hitting rock bottom, then my parents will just sit there and laugh at my failure. I'm afraid when I finally go back to their house and try to get the rest of my things, papers and everything (even give back of what's theirs) that they'll try to stop me.

On another note, I feel as if you can't get anywhere without some sort of degree. I hate the fact that I'll have to push myself through college just so I have something when I'm not even Doing that great. I don't know what's wrong with me. I was thinking what if I just went to a community college, finished up there for two years and had a degree... but none of them are close to where I live. I live near a University... Eh. I'm not sure I can even go back now. I don't know...

I'm so sick of being in this grudge in my life. Going back and forth between "having" to have a career, wanting to just work, wanting to get away from my family once in for all, being happy, having strength in myself.. EH.

I want OUT of this reoccuring cycle with my parents and family. I want to be HAPPY knowning I'll have a life of my own. .. I'm also scared that If I pick working and staying where I am right now, I'll be alone for a good long time. Currently, I have no friends, no family, no one and no, I do not sugar coat that. It's been like this for the past how many years, in and out of pathetic friendships. I have a roommate but we're just "roommates" nothing more. *sighs* I'm just trying to come to grounds with what's the point of anything. I wish I had some help, somewhere. I know my parents aren't going to be help of any kind, none. I'm scared I'm going to suffer... and it makes me want to sit here and cry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Mon, 06-07-2010 - 10:29pm

I'm mixed on this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Tue, 06-08-2010 - 12:30am

The only thing about my parents is that they're abusive, mentally and have been physically. How can I go Back to all That? If you can understand how abuse works, then you'll understand where I'm coming from. Did I mention that I'm 22, single and Staying that way for a while?

Secondly, I've been going to college for four years to four different schools. I'm about cooked on 'grades/studying/all that other stuff'. I can't make up my mind (I don't actually Have the money on hand either), trying to make something out of myself that

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2004
Tue, 06-08-2010 - 6:44am

You're right. I'm not you.

I wasn't saying "stay in school" If you'd read it you'd have noticed that I said for some making a decision on what you want to do with the rest of your life is difficult and you need to take some time to figure it out.

In your original post you didn't mention that your parents were abusive, just that you couldn't live under them anymore. Now knowing that they're abusive put a different light on things and I can see where you want to get out from under their roof and not look back.

I think you've got it figured out with what you want to do, work at a job and pay off some debt sounds like a plan. Only you can say what's right for you at this time in your life and if you're looking for someone to back up that decision you've got it, it just might not have come out that way.

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Edited 6/8/2010 7:16 am ET by dlandry1
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Tue, 06-08-2010 - 2:07pm

Ah, I apologize for being harsh in that last post. I felt the need to defend myself.

I'm really stressed, frustrated and alone at this point. I still feel guilty that I should be attending college, it makes me feel confused. I need money right now so that I can pay for a few things on my own, although I don't have it right off hand right now.

But, anyway, I'm still going to have to go to my parents' house to get a few things and tell them I want my car offically under my name, including other things. I'm afraid they'll take the same route as always and try to change what I want or continue to ask "why" as if I'm some sort of idiot. -sighs- I don't want to go back to how it was, I really must find a way that I don't have to have any contact with them what-so-ever.

Thanks for your support.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Mon, 06-14-2010 - 2:59pm

I would like to start my