In-laws are very tiring

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
In-laws are very tiring
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 1:38pm

My husband and I use to live behind his sister and her family but when we were had the opportunity to buy our own house we chose to move about 20 miles from them.  The problem is my sister-in-law has 2 grown kids who are alcoholic's and their daughter is into drugs and prostitution.  My SIL & BIL have custody of their 2 grandkids ages 5 & 7 but they don't discipline them so they destroy everything. 

SIL has had drug dealers at her door demanding money that her daughter owes them, her son has been found stealing prescription meds and other items from their house to sell and their daughter has a violent temper and terrible language which we don't want to be around. 

The grandkids have scratched out car writing on it with rocks from their yard, They've been in our backyard pulling a memosa tree down until it touches the ground and riding it like a horse, they open the back gate after being told not to and our dogs ran away and they keep taking anything they get their hands on and run them up and down our walls even after being told to stop.  I've taken toys from them and grandma gives them back.  I make them sit and not move but grandma calls them in, hugs them and tells them it's OK.  When they scratched our car my husband was furious but the only punishment they got was "if you do it again you'll get a spanking." 

We went out to lunch with them a few weeks ago and the boys were running around the restaurant, went in the bathroom and locked the stall door and crawled out from underneath.  I had to go into the mens room with them to get them to unlock it.  They tripped over the owner's feet as she was seating new patrons and blowing spitballs across the table through their straws.  Grandma and Grandpa said nothing. 

Yesterday they stopped by our house with their daughter, no grandkids and wanted to take us to lunch.  We should have known better but agreed.  Same restaurant but their daughter had to order a few drinks, she was loud and her language would have made a truck driver blush.  Her dad kept telling her the other patrons didn't want to hear her mouth but she kept it up.  I finally said she'd had enough to drink and took her empty glass away from her.  She said she needed the drinks to calm down as she was on her way to the psychiatrist and was going to give him an earful.  I should add, she was diagnosed bi-polar when she was in her teens but doesn't take anything for it.  She got got loud again and I told her we were all at the same table.  SIL kept telling us that she's been having a bad month and telling her "It's OK, I understand"  "Do you want a mommy hug"  Now this girl is in her mid 20's.   

After we left DH said we've got to learn that we can't get together with his sister if her kids or grandkids are involved.  We argue after we've been with them and the arguments are silly because we're both saying the same thing and agreeing with each other but still arguing about it.  I know it's the stress from what we just went through and one of these days we will learn that we can't have a social life with his sister and her family. 

I realize the niece has mental problems but feel that's an explanation but not an excuse for her behavior.  When she was younger a psychiatrist told her mom that she'll only change when she wants to.  She seeks out friends that are just like her so she doesn't need to change and with mom coddling her behavior it's worse. 

I've got a brother-in-law and a cousin who are both bi-polar and they don't have the outbursts that this girl does and I know my SIL doesn't put up with her brother's behavior when he's in his manic phases.  She just recently started condoning her daughter's behavior so I'm guessing she's just tired of fighting with her but does that mean the rest of us have to be the same way? 

Am I being too hard about this? 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 10:43pm

"Am I being too hard about this?"

From what you have said...Not in my opinion.