Stressed beyond belief!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Stressed beyond belief!
Tue, 06-22-2010 - 8:58am

It's been quite a while since I've been here. I've had such a crazy year so far and I really need some relief!

Back in january I had my bf arrested. Long story I'd rather not get into. At the time he was arrested the police took my computer. I'm still trying to get it back. Hopefully, I should be getting it sometime this week.
Right after he was arrested I ran out of fuel and when the fuel guy came to fill it he told me he couldn't because there was a leak in the tank. So it had been leaking fuel oil but thankfully it had been contained somehow or my house would have been done. So I had to get the tank replaced. I had no money so i went to social services. Waited and waited for them to approve my application for emergency HEAP. My house was 38 degrees for almost a week! Finally got that replaced and with another tank of fuel.

Then I fell behind on my mortgage. My dad told me there was a place opening up next to him for half the amount of my mortgage.So I decided to start paying the rent on that place so the landlord would hold it for me. I couldn't leave here right away because my kids wanted to finish up school here. My eldest is graduating this year.

My youngest daughter and I had a fight one night. Her dad convinced her to lie to CPS and tell them I locked her out of the house. Total lie! So she decided to move in with her dad. So within a span of 2 weeks I had my bf arrested, replace a fuel tank,lost my daughter and had CPS on my back. Lovely so far.:/

Fortunately, CPS said the case was unfounded.

My bf got out of jail at the end of January. He moved out and got a place of his own. He took his car and I was left with no transportation. i still have no car and really can't afford to get one. My bf and I decided to try and patch things up. However, the whole thing is on the down low due to his legal issues and his family not supporting the decision. His family was supporting him financial and threatened to cut him off if he we were together. They never really supported us being together in the first place but that's another story.

My 17 year old dropped out of school. Then got involved with drugs and alcohol and again CPS got involved. Again, they found nothing as I didn't do anything to contribute to her behavior. After she admitted she needed help I made an appointment for her to go into treatment. She blew off the appointment.I set up an appt. for her to get started with GED classes. She blew that off as well. She started seeing a new bf. Turns out he's a really nice guy and straight edge. She decided to get clean and sober. So far she has stayed clean and sober. She then said she wanted her permit. Every week she said she would get it but then she would go to the mall and spend her whole check.So she drove her bf's car with no permit. She got caught. $185 fine that she's having her bf pay!
Then she told me she was pregnant. Her bf leaves for the army July 11. She wants to get married. She needs both parents consent I believe and her father refuses to talk to any of us. I don't have court order for custody yet as the divorce and whatnot is not completely settled yet. Anyway, she miscarried but she's determined to get married and get pregnant again anyhow.

Beginning of May,my youngest and her dad had a huge fight. She said she wanted to come home. He wouldn't let her. I met with my lawyer and he made some nasty allegations about my 'parenting skills.' I found out there was drug use going on at his place in front of my daughter. My lawyer advised me to call CPS. I did.He blamed my daughter for it and sent her back home to me immediately. Needless to say,that ruined his case against me in court.

My lawyer also advised me to put the house on the market. I did the following day. I got a buyer right away. I'm selling it 'as is' but I have to get rid of all the garbage. My garbage pick up had been terminated due to me being behind on the bill.I overdrew my account to pay it.Now with moving i still have an insurmountable amount of trash to get rid of. I'm hoping that if I put it all out there the garbage man will take it all.Sometimes they do.

May 13, we went to court. He gave me primary custody of all the kids and allowed us to move. I'm moving 250 miles away so he had a say in that. All he wanted was the tractor.

The past 3 child support checks have bounced. That's $750 I'm out and that I need. I've informed my lawyer. I've heard nothing back. I wrote my ex about it. All I got was a response from his gf to send the mower key. The kids have all tried to call their dad. I have too. They have blocked my number and refuse to answer any of our calls. He hasn't had any contact with the girls since the beginning of May.

Meanwhile, my eldest and her sisters had a falling out. She decided to stay with a friend until after graduation. I had absolutely no help packing up the house. She's gotten away with not helping at all with this move. She chose to hang with her friends instead of coming to help us with the move. i'm annoyed.

My dad agreed to pay for moving expenses. I got a u-haul and packed everything up this past weekend. Drove 5 hours up to my new place and unloaded it. Now we're back here waiting for school to finish. We have no furniture and are sleeping on the floor at this point. I still have a bunch of stuff to get up there to my new place. I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to do that.

I'm still waiting on a closing. We're supposed to close by the end of the month. The lawyer said July 12 but my realtor said she didn't wanna wait that long because every month that goes by is more money the bank is charging. I'm trying to avoid the foreclosure. I'm not gonna get much back out of the proceeds of the sale as it is but I could use anything about now. I have an equity loan (my ex took it out when he was here)that's linked to my bank account. The bank is delving into my account every month for payment. It's leaving me overdrawn by quite alot every month. Now that my ex is bouncing all his child support checks, it's really hurting. Also, SSD has decided to stop payments for my youngest since she moved back with me because I don't have court papers stating I have custody. What gets me is her father was able to get her payments with no court order but suddenly I can't! And she gets the benefits because I'm disabled! So as of now my finances are a disaster. I owe everyone money and have no money.

After several months of putting up with my eldest daughters being completely disrespectful and out of control, I have decided to charge them $200 a month rent. This is all negotiable depending on whether or not they continue with getting an education, how responsible they're being in handling their money, how much they contribute in helping around the house and in general showing some appreciation and respect. the oldest (she's 19)hasn't complained. The other one has but is coming to terms with it now.

Now I'll finally be out of here soon. Hopefully within the next couple of weeks. That means leaving my bf 250 miles away. It's causing major stress for the both of us but we've agreed to try and make it work. He's having issues trying to find permanent work. He found a temp job that pays well but it's ending soon. He needs work stat because he has to support himself now with no help from his family. He wanted to transfer back to CO to help his family out but probation said no. He's stuck here for the next 3 years.I personally think it's better that way for a number of reasons. He and I have been having issues on top of everything else. I think it's mostly stress related. Finally, we're getting along better. I just hope we can make it work. Before I was thinking I might need to let him go. Now I don't want to. It's complicated.

Once completely moved I have to set the kids up with a primary care physician, find my eldest a neurologist(she's epileptic), get them registered for school, get things straightened with SSD, reopen my case with VESID and find a way to get myself a job and/or further my education. I also need to open a bank acct. up there asap. I need to pay my rent and owe the electric company $300. After I pay those 2 things I have nothing left. I have other bills to pay too but can't right now. If my ex had paid up on his child support that would've helped a great deal. I need that money! I don't have anything for food even. Even after the sale of the house, I might be able to pay up on the necessary bills but still have about $10,000 of debt to get paid off. I know I can make it work if I could break even on my account. As of now, I'm continually overdrawn until the sale of the house and the bank stops dipping into my account.

So this year so far has been full of problems. Legal trouble, debt, divorce, relationship troubles,kid troubles, losing my house and huge move. I'm tired.

Sorry this is so long.I guess I just needed to get it out. I'm very overwhelmed.

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 10:05am
I don't really know what to say to you except I am sorry you are having such a rough heart goes out to you and I am sending you "VIRTUAL" ~hugs~
Please take care of YOU...I know that we as women tend to take care of others first before "our-selves"...
It's no wonder you are tired hon...
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Thu, 06-24-2010 - 4:00pm

Besides that virtual hug all I have to offer is a shoulder and an ear.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2010
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 6:33pm

Three things you need to keep in mind (no matter what is going on):

1) "When you're going through hell, keep going." -Winston Churchill

2) In any situation, 1) God knows and 2) You know that God knows

3) You weren't built to be broken, period.

I wish you all the best...

Make today great!

Kassandra Vaughn

Live life fully, fabulously and on fire! Kassandra Bibas
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 7:15pm

my internet was shut off after i wrote my initial post. Today I went to my eldest daughter's graduation. Then aftward, we went back to my house and loaded up what we could fit in the car and got my cats. Then met my bf for lunch so we could say goodbye. I cried :( Then drove 5 hours to my new place. We're all exhausted. I still have no internet so I have to use my dad's computer for a bit until I get back down to my other place for the closing and pick up my computer.

We have tons of unpacking to do now. It's just not gonna happen tonight. I still have stuff left at my old place but my bf said he'd get all that he could when he comes to visit, probably in a week or two.

Tomorrow I have to shop cuz we have no food yet. As for tonight, I'm just gonna rest. i'm already lonely and wanna go back home. I gotta get used to it here. It's just gonna take some time.

Thanks all for reading! That means alot :)

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Mon, 07-05-2010 - 8:27am
I have been reading your post and wonder how you are doing?
My heart goes out to you...
My ds and I are doing much better now but it was very tough for a little while.
My dd finally has a stable place to call home.
I just got her a little kitten, she LOVESher.
Hang in there, things will get better. You are one courageous woman.
It will ALL work out!