Girls Night or Day Out

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Girls Night or Day Out
7
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 10:23am

When was the last time you had a Girls Night or Girls Day out?  A day or evening set aside for just you and your friends to hang out and have fun.


If you're married and/or a mom do you feel guilty when you do?


Any thoughts or ideas on why women feel guilty when they take time for themseves whether it's going out with friends or just some "me" time.


 



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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2010
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 5:59pm

I'm new to this forum and I haven't "introduced" myself yet, but I really wanted to answer this first. The last time I had a girls night out...I don't even remember. I'm married for five years with three children, ages 2, 4, and 10. I do get to catch a movie every once and a while with my sister (my nephews babysit) but a honest to goodness girls night out? wow....too long. I do feel guilty when I do go out. I feel like it's like saying I don't enjoy spending time with my kids because I want me time. I feel like it's selfish. In my head, I know this is not true and everyone deserves their own down time, but in my heart, I just feel bad. I guess we feel this way for the same reason we feel we have to perfect. We feel like society expects us to be the perfect wives and mothers. We then expect these things of ourselves.

I love who I love and I am who I am.


~Shelley~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 12:49pm

I try to do something with friends at least once a month or so.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 1:19pm

Shelly.......Welcome to Stress & Women.

I feel it's true that society expects us to be perfect wives and mothers. We're conditioned whether by nature or nurture to be the nurturers and if we look away for 1 second and nurture ourselves we're not "good" moms.

I was born late 50's and grew up with TV roll models of June Cleaver (Leave it to Beaver), Donna Reed (The Donna Reed Show), Betty Anderson (Father Knows Best) and a hoard of others who were moms and wives first and foremost. They went grocery shopping when the husband was at work and kids at school. The kids came home to find mom in the kitchen with milk and cookies waiting and Dad came home to a clean house with a hot home cooked meal on the table. After dinner dad went to the living room to read the paper, the kids went to do their homework or get ready for bed and mom stayed in the kitchen to clean up and do the dishes. On the rare occasions mom left the kitchen she always had a dish towl in her hands and wore an apron so you knew that's where she was. It seemed the kitchen was mom's home office. Never once did mom go out and leave dad in charge of the kids and the few times mom and dad went out without the kids mom was calling home every 5 minutes to check on them.

The Brady Bunch opened a new world of housekeepers who had the milk and cookies ready but Carol was still in the kitchen next to Alice fixing dinner and greeting the kids when they got home.

Now we've got mom's that work and the when dad's are in charge the house is in chaos when mom gets home telling us once again that it's mom that needs to be there to take care of the kids. We've also got smart mouthed kids on these shows that reinforces society's belief that mom's need to be home to take care of the kids and raise them right.

For your sanity you need to take some "me" time to relax and recharge. That way you are better able to handle the everyday stresses that come with being a mom and you're able to laugh at the little mishaps and not go off the deep end. Don't feel guilty, think of it as taking time reboot so you can continue to be a better wife and mom. Before you got married your husband fell in love with you and part of you was having friends and doing things for yourself once in a while. After marriage so many women forget who they are and neglect that part of themselves. Suddenly they're not the person their husbands fell in love with but someone society tells them they should be.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 1:31pm

When I loved in Chicago before getting married my friends and I got together all the time but we usually planned a night out every couple of months going to a play or dinner at a few of our favorite restaurants downtown. We'd go for Prime Rib and Lawreys, Fondu at Geja's or Japanese at Benihana's. We also went out as a group for each other's birthday's and the birthday girl got to pick the restaurant.

Since moving to Alabama in 2003 I don't have friends like that. I have acquaintances and there's 1 couple we get together with but nothing like "girlfriends" that would get together for a movie or dinner. Even shopping is non existent with friends. I remember in Chicago my friends and I would plan a day where we'd need 2-3 cars and go to an old historical town for a day of shopping and fun or drive to Wisconsin to an Outlet Mall and spend the day.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 2:44pm
That sounds like so much fun Dee!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 4:13pm
A couple were married and they took part in the day trips but not every evening night out even though there was one that jumped at everything.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2010
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 12:35am
Girls Night Out is more Fun.
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