How's Everyone Doing?

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Registered: 02-12-2004
How's Everyone Doing?
7
Fri, 09-17-2004 - 3:09pm

I'm noticing the board has been a bit quiet these past two days or so... Everyone hanging in there and doing okay? Feel free to share the good stuff too--lol!


And I wanted also to update you on things here. I've been struggling a bit myself these past few days. I'M STILL HERE WITH YOU ALL...just not checking the board 3 times a day like normal--lol!! My partner is having some serious difficulties with the kids and with depression right now and so it is obviously impacting me and putting some stress on us as a couple. Being long distance doesn't help matters much--lol! I just wanted to let you all know in case I was a bit slower in posting replies!


 Stay safe and know I'm here for you all and thinking of you! Hugs, Lori

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Registered: 01-02-2004
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 12:14am
Hi Lori:

I'm sorry your partner is suffering... I just said a prayer for her and her children..God will just have to find "Lori's partner" LOL. I know that puts stress on a relationship... or I should say my husband knows. For better or worse, right sweetie? And I know you know that the better part does come.

I have missed you. I miss your words and your heart. I hope you are taking care of you.

I honestly sit here not knowing even what to tell you about me...but knowing that your voice sometimes makes it better. I'm sad, not desperately so, but sad in a pervasive, the world looks funny kind of way. My insiders are quiet and I feel abandoned. I want to cry..I have that throat hurting feeling but no tears come. I'm ok, nothing to worry about, but still I'd like to feel better. (LOL, and I'd rather not wait)

I'm disappointed in myself for the way I look. Some days I believe I am more than my body.. some days I just feel ashamed.

My son had a great soccer game last week. He played goalie and only allowed one score on him in the entire half, which was great. My DH starts school on Monday and it is his last semester before his clinical, so he is loaded and will be gone a lot. I start my Statistics class on Monday (it's a pre-admission requirement to Grad Scool that I must fulfill since I wasn't a Psych major as a under grad)

Well, if you get a chance..I'd love to read your words and hear your voice...just anything...just your sweet spirit to lift me.

Take care my friend

Many Hugs,

Emily

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Registered: 02-12-2004
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 11:32am

Hi Emily,


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Registered: 01-02-2004
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 6:10pm
Lori:

Your post made me cry, in a very good way. You words blessed me. I will look for the CD, but the lyrics you quoted were beyond touching and lovely. I feel almost embarrassed. But I won't let myself do that...I'll just soak in your beautiful words and tell you...you made my day sweetie... probably made my week....thank you from the bottom of my heart.

See, you always know what to say to make me feel better. You are right about the sadness...everything feels far away and fuzzy through it, but I also know it will pass and words like yours truly help me to sit with it until it does.

I am sorry you are sad. My best friend went through some very hard times about 2 years ago. We have been friends since kindergarten. It just killed me that I couldn't make it better. The situation was beyond horrible and I was so powerless. Yes, I could comofrt her and hear her and cheer her and love her. But I couldn't fix it or make it stop. It's really hard not having that control when you love someone...but I am sure that all you are to your partner gives her the strength to make it through.

Hugs,

Emily

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Registered: 02-12-2004
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 8:05pm

Hi Emily,


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Registered: 06-04-2003
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 10:38pm
I'm still here, sometimes that seems like a terribly unfortunate reality. I'm still feeling really badly. Am not really getting along with my dh. Haven't heard anything from my therapist since last wed. when I called her. She was close to having me admitted but since I contracted to stay safe (just to get her off my back), she didn't. I'm not sure what would be for the best. I know being inpatient would NOT solve anything BUT right now there would be some advantages (1. appointments would be set up sooner than nov., 2, maybe dh would see how bad things are (Haha)). But being away from my kids and having them know sort of what is going on, is not a good idea. Leaving them with dh to take care wouldn't be a great idea (I'm sure they'd survive but if he gets upset, he's not easy to deal with and is NOT capable of looking outside of himself to see what the girls might need or want), not to mention not having anyone to take care of them while he is at work and the financial part of paying for it. I am kind of scared that if I get to the point that I decide to hurt myself, that I would be dead within a half hours time and there would be NO turning back, I would not be able to get out of the situation if I changed my mind or got scared or whatever so am really trying not to go there right now. Sorry to be such a downer. I'm really tired of being me and of being down/scared/angry, etc. Would love to be out having fun and enjoying things and being productive and being able to stand up for myself and my kids and to be able to get past all this. ho hum.

Sandra.

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 12:37am
Emily, I just wanted to let you know that your words touched me as well...I can so much relate to that "pervasive sadness" that you describe...it was somehow a relief to hear it put into words! So thank you...although I wish you were feeling better...I know how it is to feel that way.

And Lori, I'm so sorry your partner is struggling...I can only imagine how hard that must be...I don't have a romantic partner, but I cringe when I think about what I've put my parents through over the years with my emotional problems. Now I even try to hide how I'm doing and hope I don't have to tell them I've landed in the hospital! But your partner is very lucky to have someone as understanding and caring as you...I'll be hoping she will pull through this as well.

As for me, I am still here...but pretty confused about a lot of things. I have my first med school exam coming up in a little over a week...and we were given last year's exam to get an idea of what to study...I looked at it, answered what I could, and realized at this point that I would fail miserably! But I've been studying as much as I can...guess I'm not doing it efficiently...I'm planning to see an educational psychologist to see if maybe she can help.

So of course those feelings come back...what is the point of my life if I can't even be semi-successful at the only thing I have in my life? I have long wished I could write and somehow contribute something unique to the world...but my inhibitions seem to have robbed my depressed mind of the few ideas it might have had...I sit down with paper and a pen, but can't manage to get anything out. And I have no friends or family here...

That's all my fault, though, I know. I guess I'm just confused about what I want, or what would actually make my life better or at least worth living. The new med my doctor put me on (Lithium) made me so sleepy that I missed lectures and couldn't get any real studying done...I'd promised her I would stay on it at least until our next appointment, but last night I stopped taking it...and was finally awake during the day today.

But I know I shouldn't stay off of it...I guess my mood is likely to get even worse (but it was already bad while I was on the lithium...so I didn't feel like it was doing much). I don't really trust this doctor, though, and I feel like maybe it's time to call it quits with psychiatric treatment altogether.

I don't know if I'm in denial that I have a problem or what...if my doctor had made the situation sound somewhat serious, I might feel differently...but the way she said it (that she was prescribing the lithium as an add-on treatment for depression, but it would also help "in case" I have elements of bipolar II) made the medication seem almost optional. I just don't know. I guess I should go back on it...but then how do I deal with trying to prepare for an exam when I am constantly drowsy?

OK, now I really have written a novel...who would believe that I have writer's block?! Hope things are going better with you by now...I'm sorry to ramble on like this about my problems when they are really nothing compared to what others are going through.

Hugs,

Rose

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Registered: 07-24-2004
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 1:32pm
Hello,,,still around too. Felt I was not as deep in the darkness as much lately, but sometimes feel it is just waiting patiently for me to step into it again. I cancelled my last session with my T over 3 weeks ago, said I'd reschedule and have yet to do so. I'm feeling myself going down some and am debating whether I should call and go and see her before I'm a mess again. I haven't SI'd in a week which is good for me right now, but again I am thinking about it a lot and feel I will most likely have to do that soon.

I find the night time is the hardest for me as I have no distraction and my mind spins with worry and despair and then I get myself so upset and I can't sleep. Worry consumes me constantly. I lie in bed sometimes and try to think how many people would come to my funeral if I died,,,stupid I know,,,,but I do it,,,thinking of everyone I know and wondering if they'd come or not. Guess wondering if I was noticed enough in life or not.