here we go again....sorry so long
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here we go again....sorry so long
| Sat, 09-18-2004 - 1:19pm |
Hi everyone. I am crying my eyes out. I feel so awful. Thursday night some of my girl friends came over and they were BEGGING me to go shopping with them in a town about an hour away. I told them it depended upon whether or not I could find a sitter. So, they all got together last night, but I couldn't go b/c DH didn't want me to. One of the girls said she'd call this morning to let me know what was going on so that I could find a sitter. Well, as of 11:30am, noone had called. So, I called my friend Laina and asked her what was going on. Well, they were leaving in about 45 minutes. THEY NEVER EVEN CALLED ME, I HAD TO CALL THEM!!!! So, I said if they could wait about an hour or so, I could find a sitter and DH had said I could go. Now, Laina knows that I never get to do ANYTHING!! Between school, kids, and DH (gets jealous and possesive), it's nearly impossible. She said that they couldn't wait b/c our friend Jennifer had to get back. Then she continues on that Jennifer didn't really want to go, they are having to make her as it is and if they waited to leave, then she definatly wouldn't go. WHAT?!?!?!! How about letting the girl who doesn't want to go to begin with stay at home with her husband and let the girl that is DYING to go (me!) go instead!?!?! Am I the only one this doesn't make sense to???? I feel like all of my 'friends' are ditching me or ignoring me right now. This is why I never bother to try to make friends, its too much trouble and I always end up getting hurt because noone likes me or wants to be around me anyway b/c I have kids and a possesive DH, so I can never do anything without a few days notice. I am just hurting so much right now.
"I can't tell if you're laughing, between the smiles there are tears in your eyes"- Rise Against


I'm sorry you are feeling left out and rejected. The situation was unfair. I'm sorry your friends were not more sensitive to your needs.
Now, I'm going to suggest something, but please feel free to tell me if I'm way off base. Does this situation remind you of something else, from your past? Your sadness is so great and I'm wondering if the rejection you feel isn't connected to something more, from your past.
I myself go through what you describe. Very often the neighborhood mommies get together and do things and never ask me, but then one or another of them tells me about it later. I feel so left out, so rejected. But I know that what I feel is more, because it reminds me of the way my family threw me away when they finally believed I was being abused (only took about 10 years). I also know that when I ask the neighbors to go out, they almost always all say yes. But then one or another won't RSVP for son's birthday and again, I'll go down that same road...they don't like me...I'm useless, etc. Even anything that appears to be rejection of my son sends me into a tailspin.
You know what I think you don't have that sort of counters this in most people...that sense that you are good and okay, no matter what. I think this kind of thing happens to people a lot. I think it's not a big deal for them, because they are okay with themselves and they have a good support system. From how you describe your husband, it doesn't sound like you get that at home. And, you've mentioned an abusive childhood, so that could have left you feeling very rejected and without that inner sense of "okayness" to counter the hurtful things that happen in life.
The thing I don't know, is what to tell you to make it feel better. I'm sure your friends do care about you. I know you are a very valuable and caring person. I guess maybe I'm trying to say that if you know why you feel rejected when things happen, maybe you could tell yourself not to blame you and that might be better.
Anyway... bottom line is... I care that you were hurt, I'm sorry and I'm here to listen to as much as you want to say. Maybe you could try doing something nice for yourself, to cheer you up a little.
Hugs,
Emily
Hey there,
AAAAHHHH!!! I've tried three times to reply to this and everytime, right as I'm about to post it, a virus shuts down my internet explorer!!!! Ok, here it is again, my fingers are beginning to hurt!!! :o)
Hi Emily, thanks so much
Hi Lori, thanks for your reply, you're such an awsome CL and always have something wonderful and helpful to say.
As you may have read in my reply to Emily, I did talk to one of my friends about it, now I just need to ask the other one why she lied to me. I may not, she's kind of crazy and it may not even be worth it. I actually do have two people who can usually babysit on short notice. Both of them work at my sons' preschool and are actually Spencer's favorite teachers. One of them only lives about a mile away. They are both so wonderful. I am back in school now, so that does allow for a bit of 'me' time, even if it is spent doing laundry or studying, at least I don't have four little hands pulling on me, begging to be picked up even if I've held them all day :o)
I love you so much!!! I'm sorry that your friends did that to you. People can be really inconsiderate sometimes. I would suggest explaining to them how it made you feel. If they have any compassion at all, they will probably be really sorry that they hurt you so much. If someone hurts me, I usually just tell them, and they are usually sorry. I don't think that most people intentionally want to hurt someone else. I hope that you are having a good week so far! Call me or e-mail me or instant message me any time!
Love you,
~Reba