Please help me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Please help me.
5
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 3:15pm
Please, is there anyone else on the board today or any day, with chronic pain??

I am at work, I don't want to lose my job, my pain is wearing me down so far I have been contemplating suicide for months.

If you take away my pain, I have evrything to live for.

I can't hack much more. I have 4.5 more hours of physical and emotional agony before I can get to my pharmacy for my first prescription of narcotics.

No one really understands the extent to which this killing me slowly.

I have a serious nerve injury to my jaw and tongue from wisdom toooth extraction 2.5 years ago. I have already been through hell, this backslide of the pain is almost too much for my mind to comprehend. I cannot visualise living the rest of my life like this. It is so terrifying. I am terrified. I want to live. I feel I am being backed into a corner. Insurance, losing my job, a life of torture.

Please any prayers or positive thoughts. I need help.

Diane

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
In reply to: betawolfe
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 3:49pm

Hi Diane and welcome to the board--although as with everyone, I wish we didn't need such a board and that people wouldn't have to hurt as we all have hurt at one time or another!


I'm so sorry to hear about your pain. It must be VERY severe to make you consider suicide!! What sorts of treatments/options have you looked at? Have you seen any chronic pain specialists? Have you tried any alternative therapies such as acupuncture or biofeedback? Is there any type of surgical option available to you? Because I/we aren't doctors, we can't professionally recommend one thing over another but we CAN and WILL offer support, prayers and/or positive thoughts!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
In reply to: betawolfe
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 4:32pm
HI Lori, you are so nice.

I respect your advice immensely, it is all good. I have no legal recourse. I have a support group online, with others who have suffered same.

I have finally had to make the hated decision to move to narcotics. I see this as my only choice and possibly hope. However, this frightens me, more drugs and addictive ones are serious (just to add to my burden). And they can creat more serious problems also. And yes, the pain I experience in my half my tongue and gums and lower jaw is an electrical burning and cramping (seizing) that never stops. Fatigue worsens it. Worse than the pain it affects my speech (that is a whole other lenthy discusssion of the repurcussions and emotional torture of speech impairment beyond the fact that just actually talking (relating communicating with another human being causes pain, can YOU IMAGINE what that does to your psyche when you are an extrovert???). So overall, I think as I become more rundown the worse things get, and then emotionally i am bagged. Lost my boyfriend, what good am I now, I can't PLAN anything, I cry too much, I am isolating so I don't put this heavy burden onto others. I am working with many doctors. There is nothing they can do. I want my life. I like what I could do with it. Not lofty expectations, but just giving it a good go for awhile. I had problems before this that I have eventually worked out. I just feel dam#ed.

I'll give this new med a go, try changing and working with new meds till I just find the right mix. But this is so hard when you work full time. I go home alone at night and worry so much for the "future",, it can almost become a hypnotising paralytic event at times.

So, thanks for replying, I keep trying, I just feels the financial doors closing in (the practical aspect of managing injury and illness on your own).

Just really scared I won't be able to keep up and then it only takes a months or two for the walls to cave in in. I am not street person material, you know? What kind of job do I get next that doesn't require talking. See, as I sit here and cry, y pain just got a little better, I can talk for a liitle without flare up maybe. It's good to cry. So if anyone is reading this, just get on your keyboard and talk and have a good cry. I just just di and I feel better. Thank you Lori, for listening. Whatever it is that you have gone through, whether you are better or ot, you are a blessing.

Beta

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
In reply to: betawolfe
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 10:12pm

Hi Diane,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: betawolfe
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 7:27pm
Hi, Diane...I'm really hoping that the new medication has helped, or will help...I can definitely understand your reluctance to take narcotics, but it seems like in your case you need whatever pain relief is available...and from what I have heard, most people who take narcotics only when they need them don't generally get addicted (although I could be wrong).

I have never been in your exact situation, but I have had excruciating, constant pain that made me come close to suicide just to escape it (of course, that isn't a real escape, since you have to be alive to feel relief from pain!). In my case, I was finally diagnosed with fibromyalgia...every muscle in my body was constantly screaming out in pain, and even my skin hurt to the softest touch...I would wake up crying because of the pain, and I would go to sleep (when I could manage to fall asleep) crying too.

I had to quit working as well...especially once I started getting migraines about three times a week...the vomiting and headache made trying to teach a class (the job I had started to do) impossible. I know this isn't exactly what you have gone through, and I don't want to make my own story sound too bad...but I wanted to let you know that my heart goes out to you because I feel like I've been in a similar situation before.

Fortunately, my own story has a happy "ending," at least for the physical pain. Previously, I was taking pain pills every 4 hours, and even then had very little relief (my doctor wouldn't prescribe narcotics...that's the fun part of having an illness that some think is "all in your head"!). But finally I got put on medications that have turned it all around, so that now I am basically "all better" in the pain department... well, I don't want to jinx myself, as I'm not sure if I will have another flare again...

I really hope that a good solution, or at least a good compromise, can be found for you as well. I know that imagining a life of pain is unbearable...but there are treatments and medications out there that have the possibility of bringing you some relief...life never stays the same. I guess I should listen to my own advice...I have often felt very depressed even after the pain went away...so I am very far from perfect on imagining a bright future. But I will really hope that things change soon for you.

Hugs,

Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
In reply to: betawolfe
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 4:51pm
Hi Rosa,

Thanks for caring. It is wearisome to daily battle pain (putting it mildly) it's more like slaying a dragon!!

It saps every ounce of energy you have. I will just try to get by day by day. Not look too far ahead I guess (I just posted about worrying about the future). So, things worked out for you when it felt hopeless, perhaps there is hope for me too. fibro is tough. Really tough. You are a real survivor.

Beta