so depressed ... trigs
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so depressed ... trigs
| Tue, 10-19-2004 - 7:44am |
well my granny is back in the hospital and now they think that she may have had a stroke. my Aunts are staying with her and they are keeping people out of my grannys life, everytime I call they tell me that she is sleeping or she is resting, and I was told that they are keeping the house door locked and they have total control over my granny. They arent doing a very good job a taking care of my granny they let her blood sugar get down to 30 and didnt even check it, they let her get dehydrated, and they let her bottom get sore, and they make her stay in bed so her lungs are filling up with fluid once agian.
I know I am going to lose my granny and it hurts that I am not allowed to be a part of her life. I feel so bad about this all that I have had feeling of SI once again and I guess you can say that I have been harming myself I have been taking diet pills again, I just cant deal with losing my granny and everyone I know keeps saying to me that I have to deal with it sooner or later but I am not ready, and I am not sure if I am able to accept it or even how to deal with it. I told my granny that wehn she was ready to go then she should just go not to worry about any of us, but that just killed me to say that to her, I want her to fight with all she has and stay around, I know that is selfish of me and I know that it is impossible that she lives much longer but it doesnt help me. I want her to go b/c she has been suffering a lot and I dont want my granny to be in pain but yet I cant let go.
I know I am going to lose my granny and it hurts that I am not allowed to be a part of her life. I feel so bad about this all that I have had feeling of SI once again and I guess you can say that I have been harming myself I have been taking diet pills again, I just cant deal with losing my granny and everyone I know keeps saying to me that I have to deal with it sooner or later but I am not ready, and I am not sure if I am able to accept it or even how to deal with it. I told my granny that wehn she was ready to go then she should just go not to worry about any of us, but that just killed me to say that to her, I want her to fight with all she has and stay around, I know that is selfish of me and I know that it is impossible that she lives much longer but it doesnt help me. I want her to go b/c she has been suffering a lot and I dont want my granny to be in pain but yet I cant let go.
thanks for letting me vent
Mary

Hey Mary,
Mary
Hi Mary,