update

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
update
2
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 8:26am
well for starters let me say I am on my 9th day of being smoke-free and I feel really good about that. DH was pose to quuit with me but he hasnt and at 1st it really got to me it felt like he didnt love me enough to quit, and I just figured that oh well I have to quit for my kids.

On Sunday DH and I really got into a huge argument I usuallu never stand up for myself but I really let him know that I didnt like his behavior and that I wasnt going to stand for it anymore. We were in the store and we went pass the liquior and well I dont drink nor would I but I saw this stuff it was some kid of a vanilla drink and me being me I love the smell of vanilla and I said something and DH said umm nooooooo, so I got Po'ed and told him that I am 34 years old adn if I want to drink I will, but I dont , so he got all peeved at me and asked me what teh problem was well I told him that i was so tired of his controlling me and he actually said that he doesnt try to control me, so as of right now he is acting all upset and isnt talking to me and to be honest it hurts but I am not going to let him know b/c I feel as if it is his way of controlling me.

my granny is doing the same, but I get to talk to her and she even had my mom call me so I could talk to her we talked a bit.

My ED is getting a bit better again, but I still fall back on it when things get bad, and when I feel as if I have no controll over anything, My ED is the only thing I do have ome controll over but here lately I havent been having control I have been gaining wt and that is really killing my self esteem.

I go to my T Thursday TG b/c I dont know how much more I can actually take I thought about killing myself wehn DH and I got into teh argument I mean it was only for a split second but it scared me b/c I havent had that thought for sometime now, I even had a plan on how I was going to do it but couldnt b/c my 2 yr old was in the van with us.

Mary

Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
In reply to: black_ice22
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 10:03am

Hi Mary,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
In reply to: black_ice22
Tue, 11-09-2004 - 2:10pm


Hi Mary ~

Congratulations on nine smoke~free days!!! I think it~s harder to quit smoking when your partner smokes (my ex husband smoked at least 40 a day, and although I wasn~t a heavy smoker then ~ I don~t smoke at all now ~ I found it all the more difficult to stop entirely). Have you got any tips on how you are stopping smoking?

I~m glad you didn~t go through with your plan ~ and it would be devastating to your 2 year old to lose his mother, as well as all the other people who would miss you. And it would be a shame for you.

Your husband does sound controlling...does he make you happy too?

Anyway, I~m happy for your small success so far with giving up the cigs. Hope your therapy appointment goes well on Thursday.

Faith

P.S. Just a thought...how about concentrating on one thing at a time, ie. give up smoking, and then tackle the weight loss? Then it won~t be too much stress for you. Meanwhile you could make tasty salad snacks, celery and carrot sticks, sweet cherry tomatoes, low fat yoghurt, tangerines...

~~~~~~~

well for starters let me say I am on my 9th day of being smoke-free and I feel really good about that. DH was pose to quuit with me but he hasnt and at 1st it really got to me it felt like he didnt love me enough to quit, and I just figured that oh well I have to quit for my kids.

On Sunday DH and I really got into a huge argument I usuallu never stand up for myself but I really let him know that I didnt like his behavior and that I wasnt going to stand for it anymore. We were in the store and we went pass the liquior and well I dont drink nor would I but I saw this stuff it was some kid of a vanilla drink and me being me I love the smell of vanilla and I said something and DH said umm nooooooo, so I got Po'ed and told him that I am 34 years old adn if I want to drink I will, but I dont , so he got all peeved at me and asked me what teh problem was well I told him that i was so tired of his controlling me and he actually said that he doesnt try to control me, so as of right now he is acting all upset and isnt talking to me and to be honest it hurts but I am not going to let him know b/c I feel as if it is his way of controlling me.

my granny is doing the same, but I get to talk to her and she even had my mom call me so I could talk to her we talked a bit.

My ED is getting a bit better again, but I still fall back on it when things get bad, and when I feel as if I have no controll over anything, My ED is the only thing I do have ome controll over but here lately I havent been having control I have been gaining wt and that is really killing my self esteem.

I go to my T Thursday TG b/c I dont know how much more I can actually take I thought about killing myself wehn DH and I got into teh argument I mean it was only for a split second but it scared me b/c I havent had that thought for sometime now, I even had a plan on how I was going to do it but couldnt b/c my 2 yr old was in the van with us.

Mary