My nephew...Triggers???...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
My nephew...Triggers???...
9
Thu, 11-18-2004 - 5:10pm

I am really feeling for my 6 year old nephew today. The social services finally decided to take him away from my brother and his wife and place him with foster parents (he~s there now). Poor little man. He has never had it easy. Just hope and pray that he is safe and comfortable there...of course he~s missing his parents (however negligent they are). A sad day for my family.

Faith

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 10:26am

Hi Faith,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Fri, 11-19-2004 - 5:07pm

Hi Lori ~

As always THANK YOU for your support. It~s much appreciated.

What a coincidence you also having a nephew (and niece) going through similiar problems...for a long time I wanted Sam (my nephew) to be away from his parents because of the neglect and the drugs. I asked them (my brother and his wife) if they would agree to me adopting him (I have no children of my own, but have worked as a nanny, and had step kids for 3 years when I was married so I do know how it is to be a "mother"/carer) but they didn~t like that idea...all the love and support my parents, sister and myself gave them was thrown back in our faces...death threats, screamed abuse and an attempt at starting a fire at my parent~s house! So I decided to give them a wide berth. I am not that happy at how the social services dealt with this problem of Sam being neglected. When they (social) wanted the rest of the family there we were talking in depth, very personally about our family for THREE HOURS. Then we didn~t hear anything. They kept us totally out of the picture. When my parents wrote the Social a letter asking for updates about their only grandson they were told that my parents didn~t need to be informed by law!! Both my parents are elderly and in poor health...this is such a strain.

I really hope that Sam is with loving people. I only want the best for him.

MORE BAD NEWS.......
Another thing...I learnt today that my best friend has terminal cancer of the liver. I am shocked. She is my best friend and she is going to die. I can~t fathom it. I went to the counselling skills interview and they turned me down for the course that begins in January as they say I won~t be in any state to learn when my best friend has probably died by then. I cried at the interview, couldn~t stop it. This has been a hard couple of weeks...first my little dog could have been operated for a tumour (the op turned out well, it was a hernia, she went back to the vet~s for a check up), then I was dismissed from my job without a reason, found out that my 6 year old nephew has been finally put into care, learnt my best friend is going to die soon, and being turned down for the course that I wanted most of all.

I am looking for counselling because I don~t think I can handle all of this alone.

Thanks for listening ~ hope you~re having a good time in Canada!

How are you?

HUGS

Faith

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Sat, 11-20-2004 - 9:10am

My heart goes out to you as it just seems so wrong.

((((HUGS))))

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Sat, 11-20-2004 - 9:26am

Oh Faith.... I'm so sorry to hear about your best friend's illness!! I hope and pray for a miracle--even if that miracle is "just" that she doesn't suffer.


Yes, it is interesting that we have similar situations with our family. My sister's husband is an alcoholic and also smokes pot regularly. She suspects he's cheated on her and he is at times verbally abusive to her but not the children. I told her that it is damaging to the kids even if it's not directed at them because they don't need to hear that stuff directed at their mom from their dad! She has left him a few times then he cries, begs for another chance and she goes back. She wrote to me the other day and told me that she realizes she "doesn't love him and hasn't in a long time." She said "he's not going to change so I told him he has to move and he agreed." Two days later he was there "visiting the kids" and ended up staying the night and my sis slept on the couch. Then she told my mother "He's really not a bad person when he doesn't drink. I guess I do still care about him." I just wish she'd make the break NOW and stick with it but

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Sat, 11-20-2004 - 11:46am

Thank you Debbie.

Faith (((((HUGS))))) you back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Sat, 11-20-2004 - 12:07pm

Oh Faith.... I'm so sorry to hear about your best friend's illness!! I hope and pray for a miracle--even if that miracle is "just" that she doesn't suffer.

~~~The news was sudden...I still can~t grasp it. I hope and pray that she won~t suffer too. She seemed to be doing so well with her own depression and had lost a lot of weight, and it was her having to look her partner, because of her increasing physical disability. It makes me sad...

Yes, it is interesting that we have similar situations with our family. My sister's husband is an alcoholic and also smokes pot regularly. She suspects he's cheated on her and he is at times verbally abusive to her but not the children. I told her that it is damaging to the kids even if it's not directed at them because they don't need to hear that stuff directed at their mom from their dad! She has left him a few times then he cries, begs for another chance and she goes back. She wrote to me the other day and told me that she realizes she "doesn't love him and hasn't in a long time." She said "he's not going to change so I told him he has to move and he agreed." Two days later he was there "visiting the kids" and ended up staying the night and my sis slept on the couch. Then she told my mother "He's really not a bad person when he doesn't drink. I guess I do still care about him." I just wish she'd make the break NOW and stick with it but I know it can take time.

~~~I left my verbally abusive boyfriend (he had physically beaten me one time ~ March 2001) in April of this year and I still want him back. I~ve read all the self help books and talked to others in the same situation...it is really hard leaving for some people. It~s good that your sister has your and your mother~s support. That can make a big difference, can~t it?

I'm sorry to hear about your family's situation. I know that must be really hard on you and esp. your elderly parents. At least you TRIED to get custody... I DO know something about social services though since I'm in the field. Usually (at least here anyway) preference is given to the relatives of the child so you COULD call the agency in charge, and ask to be granted custody of your nephew. It would be very different than asking the boy's parents because it is now under the agency jurisdiction. The parents have no more say in the matter--at least for now.

~~~The social worker back then (during that 3 hour interview about our family background) asked each of us who was interested in the custody of Sam, my parents said no because of their age/health, my sister said no, but I said yes. But because I was only just back from living in Germany for 9 years, with no job then (and now!!!), and with no own house/flat, they weren~t interested. So, they did know that I was interested. And then came the death threats and the verbal (screamed) abuse that the whole road must have heard...lies about my family, and I thought I have enough on my plate just being back in the UK to start a new life again (I was starting anti depressants), I have no one, and I knew I couldn~t live with the constant stress from my sister in law. What makes me angry is that my sister in law~s mother might get custody of Sam!!! She is the one who threw out her daughter at the age of 16!!!

Please DO seek counseling. You are dealing with sooo much right now that it can only benefit you! Let us know how it goes okay? I'm doing well---thanks for asking! Raining today here in Canada but hey, we'll make the best of it! Hugs, Lori

~~~Thanks for writing, Lori. Glad you~re doing well.
HUGS
Faith


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Sun, 11-21-2004 - 9:20am

Oh Faith,

You have been there for me for a while when you had a full plate yourself.

GOD BLESS YOUR UNSELFISH HEART!

I feel bless to be back here again... MY LIVING ANGELS......Michelle, Faith, and Lori!

TY TY TY

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Sun, 11-21-2004 - 9:57am

Awww, Debbie....what a sweet thing to say! But remember, YOU'VE been that angel for a LOT of people here over the past several years and I am confident you will sometime be in a position to do so again! It all comes full circle, ya know? Hugs, Lori

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 12:47pm

"Awww, Debbie....what a sweet thing to say! But remember, YOU'VE been that angel for a LOT of people here over the past several years and I am confident you will sometime be in a position to do so again! It all comes full circle, ya know? Hugs, Lori"

~~~How true! Debbie you have a big heart...I am just happy I can be there for you now...and your friendship gives me strength without a doubt. Love and Lots of HUGS, Faith