Very lost and confused - triggers
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| Mon, 12-06-2004 - 7:14pm |
Hi, I'm not sure why I'm here or if I even belong here. For years I've battled depression, in the past year I've lost my father, questioned my sexual orientation, and most recently been diagnosed as having "mixed state depression" (whatever that means). I have 3 children I'm trying to raise on my own. I still don't know where I fit in on the sexual orientation thing. I'm in a house with 3 kids and I'm alone and lonely. The depression has gone to an all time low and I'm simply questioning why I'm even bothering. My T is ready to have me put in the hospital if I "get worse". I'm dreading tomorrow cause I have an appointment with her. My ideation has become constant. If I tell her that it's all over with. I'll be admitted to a hospital and my ex will get my kids. They'd probably be better off. I'm in a no win situation and tired of fighting. I'm probably not making much sense so I'll just stop here. If you've gotten through this post, thanks for putting up with me.
Foggy



Hi Foggy and welcome to the board! For what it's worth, sounds like you are in the right place to me as far as this board goes! I hope you'll stick around and get to know us and let us get to know you.
Thank you Lori.
Dear Foggy:
Hi and welcome. I'm sorry things are so rough. I'm very sorry about your father and your grief and I am glad you are working on things in therapy.
I agree with Lori and your therapist, that no one is going to take away your kids, because you become hospitalized. I myself, faced with the choice of voluntary or involuntary have gone in-patient before voluntarily. I would think for you, that might look better if your ex does try anything... that it was you choice.
I know that having children and a job complicates things. But, if you going into the hospital helpes you, then a week or so away from the kids can be a big benefit to them in the end. Please don't discount something that could really help you, because the logistics are tough. They are tough for everyone in tha position... but you have to think about staying safe and having people help you with those intrusive thoughts you discuss.
I'm so glad you came here and posted about your feelings. That's a really good sign. I hope you'll keep posting. We will keep listening. Be good to yourself.
Hugs,
Emily