depressed ..pos trigs???

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
depressed ..pos trigs???
1
Thu, 12-09-2004 - 8:40am

well my granny isnt doing well at all it is just time b4 she passes right now she cant even get out of bed and she always has her eyes closed, I have only gone to see her one time and I know I need to go more or else I am going to regret it, but the granny I see now isnt my granny. I am confused b/c I want her to die but yet I dont want her to go I know that it is normal to feel this way but I cry everytime I think of never being able to call her like I use to, my granny and I would talk every day, and now she is not even there most of the time they say she doesnt even know what is happening to her and she cant hear anymore.

Then we have my thyroid and the flippin doctors who make you feel like you are going crazy, I have hypothyroidism and for 3 plus years I have been telling the docs that something isnt right and all they do is tell me it is b/c I have 4 kids, well now I have been gaining weight at a rate that I cant handle and I am at a weight that I cant handle with my eating disorder, so I have gone back to that and it is totally out of control my T is worried b/c in 1993 I had a brain bleed with a stroke and my eating disorder was the cause of it from the diet pills to the purging, she is worried that is is going to happen again and I am only hoping that it will so I will not eat anything and have to purge again. So I have an appointment with my family doc so I can tell him I want a referral to see an Endocrinologist.

On the flip side of all my stressers I have been smoke free for 39 days now and that in it's self is something seems how I smoked for 20 plus years, I have no urge to smoke again ever, I figure that if I can get by with no smoking while my granny is so bad off then I can do it forever.

Mary

Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Thu, 12-09-2004 - 6:26pm

Dear Mary:

I so regret that your Granny is so ill and may pass. I can perfectly understand you not wanting to see her like that, yet feeling guilty if you don't. But hon, only do what you can. I don't think your Granny would want you suffering so much, and having your heart break to see her in a condition she may not even want people to have to go through for her.

You know, I've heard that thyroid problem can really mess people up and I have a friend who it made so depressed...but when they finally got the meds right...she was great!

Please please, sweetie, do not go back to your eating disorder. You and I both know it isn't an answer. You never find what you are looking for and you destroy your body in the process.

Mary, you have beauty...look at all you do with and for your kids. That is lovely. Your body is not who your are. You matter so much more than what you weigh.

I hope they can help your thyroid. I hope your T can help with your ED. Please be gentle with yourself.

Hugs,
Emily