having thoughts.. trigs
Find a Conversation
having thoughts.. trigs
| Fri, 12-10-2004 - 8:49am |
well I went to see my granny last night and there is nothing left of her she is now in a coma and she looks like a skelton and I bent down to tell her i love her and that i will see her later, it was so hard to hold back my tears, last night I thought that if I ended my life then granny and I would go more or less at the same time so I could be with her also. I use to call her up everyday and we use to talk about anything and everthing and now I am not going to have that. DH just doesnt understand even tho he just lost his g-pa in Sept. I just want someone to just hold me and tell me it is going to be ok and that granny isnt going to die.
Mary
Mary

Hey sweet Mary,
Dear Mary:
First I completely agree with everything Lori said. It is not your time yet, and your granny would not want you to go with her.
I know this may be stupid, but I hope you know, even if she goes, you can still talk to her about "anything and everything" ... at any time you want. Just because you can't hear her answers, you can know them in your heart. I have an idea..when you talk to her, you could write down some things she has said to you. You could even paste in pictures and make a granny scrapbook that you could use to honor her and your relationship and then pull it out whenever you want.
I lost my mother-in-law about 4 years ago. I loved her deeply. I talk to her almost every day. I take her with me, so to speak, whenever I need or even when I see or hear something I know she would have really liked. I tunr to her in times of trouble and I do feel her near me. She lived so far away before she dies, now I feel like I have her closer.
I think Lori is also right about the grief and beginning to do that.
Offering as many cyberhugs as you need ((((((((((((Mary)))))))))))
Emily