having thoughts.. trigs

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
having thoughts.. trigs
3
Fri, 12-10-2004 - 8:49am
well I went to see my granny last night and there is nothing left of her she is now in a coma and she looks like a skelton and I bent down to tell her i love her and that i will see her later, it was so hard to hold back my tears, last night I thought that if I ended my life then granny and I would go more or less at the same time so I could be with her also. I use to call her up everyday and we use to talk about anything and everthing and now I am not going to have that. DH just doesnt understand even tho he just lost his g-pa in Sept. I just want someone to just hold me and tell me it is going to be ok and that granny isnt going to die.
Mary
Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Fri, 12-10-2004 - 10:27am

Hey sweet Mary,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Fri, 12-10-2004 - 2:02pm

Dear Mary:

First I completely agree with everything Lori said. It is not your time yet, and your granny would not want you to go with her.

I know this may be stupid, but I hope you know, even if she goes, you can still talk to her about "anything and everything" ... at any time you want. Just because you can't hear her answers, you can know them in your heart. I have an idea..when you talk to her, you could write down some things she has said to you. You could even paste in pictures and make a granny scrapbook that you could use to honor her and your relationship and then pull it out whenever you want.

I lost my mother-in-law about 4 years ago. I loved her deeply. I talk to her almost every day. I take her with me, so to speak, whenever I need or even when I see or hear something I know she would have really liked. I tunr to her in times of trouble and I do feel her near me. She lived so far away before she dies, now I feel like I have her closer.

I think Lori is also right about the grief and beginning to do that.

Offering as many cyberhugs as you need ((((((((((((Mary)))))))))))
Emily

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Fri, 12-10-2004 - 2:30pm
Hello Mary ~ I too am so sorry to hear about your Dear Grandmother and how upset you are with her being so ill. I lost an uncle last month who I loved a lot and it really does hurt. Your words make me remember when my grandfather died,,,I was very close to him and losing him took a part of me with him. Part of it for me was fearing the pain I would feel when I knew he wasn't going to be here anymore for me. He has been gone for awhile now and I still have some saddness inside of me about losing him. The pain does eventually subside,,,but the journey through it can be difficult. For myself I need to try to think of happier times I've had with those I have known who are no longer with me,,,it still makes my heart swell and my eyes tear,,,but I know I can't change things and I try very hard to think of them happy and painfree and wishing I knew that I need not shed tears for them anymore. I'm sorry Mary all I can offer are words to you,,,words can only do so much when you are so sad,,,but please know I care okay,,,and your Granny must be so very proud to have you as her Grandaughter.