Worried about relationship - help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Worried about relationship - help!
4
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 12:54am

I've been feeling absolutely terrible lately, and I'm in sort of a difficult situation. I love my current boyfriend, but I've been sort of bored with him lately. I know that sounds terrible, but it's true. He's a good guy, and he treats me well, but I just feel like we don't connect on an intellectual level. I'm in my third year of college, and he didn't finish high school. I feel like we never have real conversations, and we definitely don't have many interests in common. I'm really into all kinds of writing - fiction, poetry, and creative non-fiction - and I also love to read. He doesn't write or read - he just plays video games and watches anime. I love movies, but I like old movies and psychological thrillers, while he just wants to watch martial arts movies all the time. It's just really frustrating to think that we don't have many interests in common.

But like I said, he does treat me really well. He's gentle with me, and I love the way he holds me and kisses me. I love the way he smells, and I love to snuggle up against him while he's asleep. I feel safe when I'm with him, and I know that he would never hurt me. Do you think that I can just overlook the fact that we don't have that many interests in common?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 11:46am
Relationships can be tough... trying to find that balance between maintaining our own individuality and identity while blending as a couple. From my perspective, it's healthy to have individual interests and time alone. That old saying "Opposites attract" comes to mind. However, your focus (at least in your post) on all that is different is of concern--or would be if it were me. You mention some physical things you like about him but if he bores you and you can't share at least a few common activities or interests I wonder how that will play out long term... That is something only you can decide as far as whether the risk is worth it to you and/or whether there is enough about this man that you find wonderful and worth holding on to despite the differences. Hugs, Lori
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Sun, 12-19-2004 - 1:07pm

It's hard because sometimes I wonder if I even like guys at all! *haha*

I'm so confused, quite honestly. I realize that I'm only 20, and that I need to finish my undergrad and probably grad studies before I get serious about anyone, but in the meantime, I do really love my boyfriend, and I don't want to hurt him. I often remind myself that I've had boyfriends that I loved very much before, and have broken up with them, and it wasn't by any means the end of the world, but it still hurts. I guess that I'm afraid of that pain.

I have no idea what I really want. I'm sitting here, trying to rationalize and think of something that sounds halfway reasonable, but I'm coming up with nothing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 12:37pm

Hey there,


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Mon, 12-20-2004 - 2:59pm
I've actually already been diagnosed with depression. I'm currently taking 30 mg of Prozac daily. I've been on and off Zoloft and Prozac for about two years, but I just hadn't gone to therapy.