having a hard time pos trigs
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| Thu, 12-30-2004 - 8:49pm |
I am having a real hard time, I am trying to be strong for my family but I am finding that I am like putting a wall up. I miss my granny so much, I called her everyday almost and now I find myself lonely without her I know I have God, and my family but it just isnt the same without her, I know if I kill myself I will never get to see her again but at least the pain will be gone right! I havent even told my T how much I am hurting and having a hard time, I refuse to cry in front of anyone except my DH. I asked my mom if she could bring me my granny's hair brush well she did but after she let my niece use it to now it doesnt have the same meaning to me I wanted my granny's hair in it. How am I going to get over this pain. I have turned to my eating disorder a bit but have been honest with my T about that part I just havent been honest with anyone not even me about my feelings until now, I have the urge to SI a lot of the time but so far I have stayed safe, but I only know it is a matter of time until I do SI and I am afraid that I will not feel it and go to far.
mary

Hi Mary,